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Where can I hide this mic? I know, shove it down my urethra

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Re: Bromide for Mr. Dabbs please!

This has already been covered:

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/01/26/ipad_fleshlight_design/

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"we might be able to pack an entire smartphone in our schlongs."

I can't wait to be forced to unlock it at US customs, and the mind boggles at the case and customisation options that might be available. Although the removal of the 3.5mm jack might be a good thing at that point....

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Although the removal of the 3.5mm jack might be a good thing at that point...

Maybe optional for the masochist market.

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Thumb Up

I can't wait to be forced to unlock it at US customs,

This! All this!

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Anonymous Coward

re. micro sd, etc.

I have decided to keep them in an ash-tray (sort of), and the usb stcks in a bowl. Neither close to the kitchen / microwave / neighbours' dogs / etc.

Now, what to do with those FUCKING cables!!!! I tried stuffsacks, I tried shoeboxes, but they obviously come alive at night, slither this and that way, and when you pull them up, they're all in a (...) entaglement, like they've been mating all night! (what do you get when you cross an hdmi cable and a micro-usb cable? Sadly, nothing more than a couple of very crossed cables :(

Yes, give me a solution to the cablegeddon and my life will become pure blissssss....

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

> Yes, give me a solution to the cablegeddon and my life will become pure blissssss....

Re-sealable freezer bags. 1 per cable. I buy them in bulk!

B&Q crate or storage box for different types - Ethernet, USB, HDMI, Audio, etc. etc.

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

Toilet roll inners, free and plentiful.

One or more cables per tube, depending on whether it is a mains lead, AV, audio, USB etc.

Obviously all the same type in any one tube.

I use twist ties for the smaller cables prior to tube insertion so I can one tube, extract one and toss the tube back in the box.

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

"B&Q crate or storage box for different types "

I ended up with one crate full of carrier bags holding the different categories. The benefit of that is , the bags dynamically adjust for size, saving space, whereas if you had a box for each type ... it wouldnt.

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

"Toilet roll inners, free and plentiful."

it depends on the rate at which you accumulate cables (assuming no compensating medical condition).

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

Releasable cable ties.

Sanity restored!

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

Cheaper would be the plastic/paper coated wire thingies used for bread and also trash bags.

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

> Now, what to do with those FUCKING cables!!!!

ROUND tupperware type containers.

Or, seen in a lab once, a sort of comb-like thing that you fix to the wall and hang them from (best for cables with larger connectors I suppose). Anyone know what that might be called?

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Re: re. micro sd, etc.

"Anyone know what that might be called?"

It's just a short length of re-purposed cable trunking. The cheaper sort you use in non-visible places and cable tie stuff in/to.

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those FUCKING cables

Re-sealable freezer bags. 1 per cable.

Kind of a cable condom then.

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Boffin

Re: re. micro sd, etc.

Anyone know what that might be called?

Test lead organiser, or test lead holder

The better ones have movable 'fingers', so that they can accommodate different cable widthts.

A couple of minutes with a length of PVC rain gutter and a hacksaw will do the same and be much cheaper.

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Don't worry. Those flash drives will disappear fast enough when it is their turn to save the universe

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This post has been deleted by its author

SVV
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The dick phone has already been invented

Apple sell lots of them.

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Re: The dick phone has already been invented

It's going to ruin that old joke

"Do you use a Dictaphone?"

"No, I use my finger"

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Coat

Re: The dick phone has already been invented

I use voice recognition ... works both cases ...

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Orifices.

This isn't the first time this illustrious organ has reported on insertable audio devices.

At the beginning of 2016 the much missed Lester Haines reported on the BabyPod - a vaginally inserted loud speaker.

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/01/07/foetal_streaming_service/

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"an amusing role-play"

No such thing, at least not if you have sufficient IQ to make you employable in any capacity other than marketing and management.

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I found one in my accounts

While doing the annual sums for the tax avoidance I found a receipt for a 256G card. It took me months to find it. When I had finally stopped looking for it I decided to bore the kids to death with a computing demo and found the bloody thing stuck in the back of the tv while trying to use it as an extra large monitor.

So I could have recorded the golf after all!

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Anonymous Coward

Bend over and smile

If you think the microphone was bad enough, you will never guess where they inserted the DSLR camera.

Which reminds me, whatever happened to Goat.sx man

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Bend over and smile

IIRC he joined the Choir Invisible.

Also I once lost a 32GB microSD card *somewhere* outside. Alas it was already broken, had the write protect fault.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Bend over and smile

If you'd ever been given the task of removing a member of Staff allegedly having been filmed in congress with a four legged friend at the side of a railway track you would find its not covered in the staff handbook....

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Trollface

shirt pockets

And just tell me, how is that supposed to work with my pocket protector?

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USB Raid array

I always wanted to find 4+ similar USB drives and plug them into my old USB hub and see if I could make a RAID array out of them. Watching IO light up the access LEDs would be fun.

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Re: USB Raid array

Interesting idea ... Done the Googling. It wouldn't be worth the bother as USB is far too slow, and if you mix 'n' match drives, the RAID array would be limited by the slowest element.

Further reading: https://arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?t=77186

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Re: USB Raid array

"I always wanted to find 4+ similar USB drives and plug them into my old USB hub and see if I could make a RAID array out of them. Watching IO light up the access LEDs would be fun."

Done it. 3x32GB USB sticks formatted as a ZFS volume on FreeBSD. It was practice on how to do it while waiting for the 4x2TB spinning discs to arrive. USB 2.0 interface and whatever speeds the sticks were. I can't remember how fast it was.

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Boffin

Re: USB Raid array

Someone did this using USB floppies. Just because he could.

Further reading: https://arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?t=77186

The one asking that question there mentions SATA, and receives a reply that SATA to USB does not exist. But SATA to IDE does, and IDE to CF converters do exist too. So, not a stick, but it's still possible to use a hardware RAID controller with solid state storage not being SSDs.

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Smaller and smaller

Except for the phones: they get bigger and bigger. And the SIM cards get smaller - go figure....

As lots of people remarked: I also have at least one 64 MB USB stick, several below or around 1 GB, I even have a USB music player with... 128 MB of capacity. Had to resolder the audio connector after a year or less (that reminds me: have to do that to my tablet as well). One of the smaller USB sticks holds my GPG key pair and the revocation files, and is archived at a semi-safe-ish place.

Oh, and to the gal complaining about sewn together blouse and trouser pockets: she-who-will-be-obeyed shares your pain, as do many of my female colleagues (those that do not walk around in the quasi-uniform of outdoor wear - _not_ the Jack Wolfskin skirt, mind you). And I have the same problems with new suits (the jacket, at least). And when I put on that stuff I constantly seem to forget my swiss army knife.

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Re: Smaller and smaller

@Joe W - upvote from me. Aye, it's an annoying problem, right enough. Even jeans or trousers that do have actual pockets (ie: not bits of sewing masquerading as pockets but actually non-functional) tend to have pockets so snug that they're only "usable" standing up, or only for small soft items, certainly not hulking great phones.

For a while, I tended to put my phone in one of the upper, buttonable pockets of a shirt/jacket I'd bought, but when that phone died, the only second hand phone with a keyboard I could find that I could afford was too big to fit into that. Now I have to keep the unloved bastard piece of poorly designed technology in my handbag if i want to be sure I won't lose it in my everyday routine. Between stupidly large sizing and stupidly user-unfriendly software, it's almost as if they don't want people to use mobile phones, IMHO. Grrr..

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Get the missus involved!

C'mon Mr Dabbs, you need to make this a family affair - if Mrs D can find a suitable nail bar, she can get your next batch of microSDHCs taken out the country safely, on her hands. The nail technician could decorate them beautifully.

Why, if you can afford it, you could probably get her to carry up to 10Gbs-worth without fear of *cough* intrusive searches - that should be just enough space for a PowerPoint!

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Somewhere in the cosmos, he said, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and superintelligent shades of the color blue, there was also a planet entirely given over to ballpoint USB Drive life forms. And it was to this planet that unattended ballpoint USB Drives would make their way, slipping away quietly through wormholes in space to a world where they knew they could enjoy a uniquely ballpoint USB Driveoid lifestyle, responding to highly ballpoint USB Drive-oriented stimuli, and generally leading the ballpoint USB Drive equivalent of the good life.

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At least my 1MB Winchester was very hard to misplace.

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Happy

Penetrating Kim Jong-il's inner circle.

"His task in the late 1990s was to infiltrate Kim Jong-il's inner circle"

What's the point of a microphone up there? Surely a it's a job for a camera.

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Gimp

Phones in shirt pockets

I keep my Galaxy S3 Mini in the left breast pocket of my shirt. It has a curved back and a flat glass screen, so it only fits comfortably one way - with the glass towards my body. The trouble I find is that when someone rings me, and the screen goes live, I often accidentally answer by swiping with my left nipple. Similarly, if an alarm is set and triggers, for the next few minutes, until it goes to sleep again, every involuntary move on my part results in a series of bleats from inside my coat, which gets me some curious looks and smirks from nearby onlookers.

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Just to clarify...

Was its directionality dependent on the ability of the wearer to, ermm, 'point'?

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