Universal Credit has never delivered bang for buck, but now there's no turning back – watchdog

Which is quite terrifying when you think about it. My 71 Landcrab has a higher top end than the average MPs IQ (for those not aware of the minutiae of the Wolseley, 93mph (with optional JATO pack - don't ask about the diesel)).

This actually means that a fairly large percentage of the current population would be barely equal to the retard boy on Alien³. It's like a countrywide Waltons Mountain.

My IQ tests between 130-140 but it doesn't really matter because the intelligence signal in voting, Tesla purchasing (clue: don't do it) , or any other situation of importance is drowned out by the retard-beam squirting out into reality like something from Voldemorts wand (you should hope I mean the wooden one).

If you have any doubt about what I'm saying I've two little words for you...

Love Island

The fact that that is a thing should tell you it's time for the Soylent Majority to fulfil their destiny.

"I felt a great disturbance in the force, like a billion voices cried out in agony and were suddenly silenced. FINALLY, what a bloody relief!"

Re: Funny how they didn't mention...

I'm fairly sure that Fred never expected anyone else to look after him

Re: Funny how they didn't mention...

If no-one votes what happens - none of the greedy self interested ex-eton types get to avoid paying tax on millions of daddy's money while ass-raping the rest of us and telling us it's in our own self interest.

How do you think this crap happens? Magic?

All the average idiots buy into the idea that voting will make a difference and so we go round in the same idiotic circle like the perennial confused granny in her Allegro on the M25 - falling for the same bullshit while the politicians and their sidekicks are laughing all the way to the Leeds (if they hadn't sucked everything out of it and let it collapse, for fun).

Grenfell - oh look, backhander alert, we know it's not safe or certified gear but hey, we're rich and on the council and they're Pakis and Muslims and Fuzzy-wuzzies, oh my! One of the very few times they miscalculated. And are the people in good safe housing? Are they hell as like.

UC - Let's systematically rape the most vulnerable - because we're bored. It's not even as if the MPs and executives are even benefitting because its OUR frigging money they're using (or more technically, yours). Let's waste money setting up, waste more running it, even more treating the disastrous human health calamities that result - and even more on the corporate weasel wording to cover it up.

Then you have the local MP - ours is Priti Patel - yeah she's actually pretty but she's a dumb as a stump and can't even manage to stick to what execrable laws there are for controlling government bollocks.. And you voted her in - so I get to whinge but you DON'T.

But I hear you say - it wasn't always like this..

Let me tell you a true story.

Once upon a time in England there was a rich smug git who noticed that alot of little girls (say over 10) were showing signs of syphilis. This is partly because of poverty and partly because of an old wives tale that if you are syphilitic and screw a virgin it cures you (probably to do with the latency of syphilis). Our socially responsible RSG thought about this and decided after some while it was a bad thing - both the child prostitution and the syphilis. After all heaven forfend one of his friends might be infected while nailing an 8 year old. How embarrassing.

So he has a quiet chat with his friends the MPs, and then a slightly louder chat with them when they say no, and then gets some other RSGs involved and eventually the age of consent is raised to 16...

Wonderful chap you might think, good on you mate and other congratulatory emissions... You might not be quite so complimentary when I tell you he was a brothel keeper, ran prostitutes and all his girls were 16 OR OVER. So in one fell swoop he'd gone from running what were considered high mileage slappers to providing the youngest ass you could tap without setting off an Amber Alert. I think the Americans call that a win-win scenario.

And the best bit, despite the fact that Syphilis (until very recently) was practically eradicated from the country and despite the fact that countless studies on sexuality, sexual health and countless court cases where 11-15 year old have been done FOR CHILD ABUSE of partners the same age... We still have a stupid law designed by a pimp to make his girls more desirable, dressed up as social responsibility and used by parents and schools everywhere to duck their responsibilities as regarding educating kids.

And the real irony - a 10 year old terminally ill child can legally make the decision to end their own lives, BY BRITISH LAW, under Gillett competency because they are considered able to understand the issues at stake - but they're a Kiddiefiddler if they're healthy (or not) and sleep with someone at 12. Are you fucking kidding me? Funnily enough it's never rich kids who end up in this position is it?

Try and understand this.

The MPs do not have your best interests at heart (that's assuming they've even heard of the phrase).

The rich or the law courts do not have your interests at heart (what laws we do have have have been slowly hacked out of vested interests corpulent corpses over decades).

The corporate cockweasels ditto - in that I include Facebook, Amazon, every single company practically you deal with.

The only reason you get a modicum of lip service (pun not intended) from any of them is because even the most gormless customer can tell the difference between crap and slightly crapper - so it's in their interest to be slightly less shite than the next cockweasel.

The best bit about the democratic process? You actually fell for it. You see it's a scam. It implies that you vote in one set of cretinous gimps and their policies will be engimped at the highest possible speed. Except no. Half the policies were lies and half of them are anathema to the unelected civil servants so they get buried faster than an underage hooker. Result, the country is back in the back seat of the hypothetical Allegro burbling round the London Ring Road deafened by a wheezy E series, transmission whine, gassed by mothballs and feasting on Werthers PedoPellets..

"I was once a day late for the weekly sign-on. But I showed them the interview letter and they accepted that."

These days the decision to sanction is out of the hands of your job centre drone. The second you're late for the weekly inquisition you've incurred a "low level" sanction and your benefit will be stopped for four weeks. You have the option to appeal but, somewhat unsurprisingly, this takes about four weeks to process.

Do this again and you'll be left destitute for 3 months.

Job Centres are directly targeted on how many sanctions they dole out. They're never called targets of course, more like "expectations" and "challenges" and "monitoring", but they're there.

@ Dr S

During my brief but unhappy period of dealing with DWP muppets, I had been arguing for several months (without any sign of benefit) that being a company director (of a £2 company) did not necessarily mean I could live off my investments between assignments.

I finally got notification of a job interview and a hearing to determine whether I was going to get my hands on some of those juicy welfare millions, both scheduled for the same day. The telephone conversation went something like this:

"well, you'll have to attend the hearing, or we can't pay you"

"But I have a job interview!"

"well, you have to decide whether your interview is more important than getting your benefit"

"-!"

Re: hmm

@ Dan 55

"The welfare system is complicated because people's lives are complicated"

Kinda sorta maybe. There is an element of that but there is also the bribery for example triple lock pensions which are designed around buying votes. This is where I wish I believed in universal income but I am not convinced by that so far.

You might be right that it will never be a simple enough problem for a UC system to handle but I do agree that the tax system is as complicated as it is due to politicians. Oddly this issue seems to be politicians all the way down.

(btw I have no idea who has downvoted you. Your comment seems pretty good to me)

Re: hmm

You forgot cheaper. It would be cheaper to just hand out money than it is to mismanage the attempts to control it.

Democracy

It's commonly said of our model of democracy down here in the Lucky (and apparently imaginary, according to this link) Country, that nobody ever wins our elections. Elections are never won, they are only lost by governments.

Having seen a succession of variations on "This lot are rubbish, let's give the other lot (you know, the ones we booted out in favour of this lot because they were rubbish?) a crack at it"

Is it any wonder we drink?

Re: We're spending more on administering this than we are on actual welfare

"Maybe the gov/public sector should go on a diet."

We did, I started work in a team of five and then the economic downturn happened.

I now work in a team of 3 and the rest of the organisation had similar reductions in staffing levels.

There are no plans to increase staffing levels in my team, regardless of financial climate.

Re: We're spending more on administering this than we are on actual welfare

I was once told it cost £30 in administration for each £1 paid in benefits.

Does anyone have the actual, up do date figures? or the time to do an FOI request?

IDS

Give me five minutes and a curtain pole. I'll give him irritable dowel syndrome!

IDS: Tat's what causes someone's stomach to roil with anger, right?

NI Hypothecation...

...can not work. Unless you're prepared to take the line of cutting welfare to never exceed the NI tax take.

If the economy is going well and employment is high the required welfare expenditure is reduced and the NI (and other taxes) paid into the Treasury are increased.

If the economy is not going well and UNemployment is high then the required welfare expenditure is increased just at the time when NI (and other taxes) paid into the Treasury are reduced.