back to article .. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / .-. . .- -.. / - .... .. ... then a US Navy fondleslab just put you out of a job

For over a hundred years, navies around the world have messaged each other at the speed of light – signal lamp light. Communicating using Morse code and lamps has been outpaced by modern radio and satellite transmissions, although every US Navy ship still carries one of these lights. The problem, however, is that no one is …

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: "whether the Navy should be abandoning low-tech backup solutions"

      As a low-tech backup, perhaps they could just have a printed copy of the Morse code?

    2. Eltonga
      Coat

      Re: "whether the Navy should be abandoning low-tech backup solutions"

      But... who would want to keep living if an EMP fries all the entertainment and private communications equipment on board?

      Yes, mine is just two coats behind the gentleman's one.

  1. Number6

    However, it can be superior to other methods because it limits electronic emissions and can be used in an emergency systems crash or after an electromagnetic pulse event.

    So what happens when the EMP takes out the fondleslab? A working hand/arm combination and Mk 1 eyeball coordinated with a human brain can still get something to work even after that.

  2. TDog

    EMP

    " or after an electromagnetic pulse event" leaves the mechanical monster with the ability to flash; but no power.

    Perhaps the USN should invest in some hand generators for the device. All they need then is a hardened set of tablets. Sort of like Very Integrated 'And Generator Running it's Apps

    1. Chris G

      Re: EMP

      The answer to EMP is Clacks, all ratings should be trained in semaphore, girl guides are, or at least they were when my sister was one.

      All they would need is to keep enough wood to build a three story tower in the event of an EMP burst.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: EMP

        "All ratings should be trained in semaphore"

        semaphore - we used to call those guys "skivvy wavers"

        I'd say all DECK ratings could learn the basics, and they still use flags to communicate on occasion. but yeah, it's not going to help someone in the engine room or a radar operator or a gunner or missile operator.

        That and all officers qualifying Officer of the Deck should know basic semaphore and morse. Just because. And how to use a sextant. If they don't know already.

        1. Aladdin Sane

          Re: Clacks

          All messages will start with GNU Terry Pratchett.

        2. collinsl Bronze badge

          Re: EMP

          By "Officer of the Deck" do you mean "Officer of the Watch"?

          1. handleoclast
            Coat

            Re: By "Officer of the Deck" do you mean "Officer of the Watch"?

            I'm obviously losing the plot here. I thought they were using a fondleslab. Now you're saying they've put it onto a smart watch? Does it need the phone or is it operating independently?

            1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              Re: By "Officer of the Deck" do you mean "Officer of the Watch"?

              The "Officer of the Watch" is the person in charge of remembering what time it is when the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on Mickey's balls

      2. Robin Bradshaw

        Re: EMP

        How much carbide do the ships carry for the acetylene lamps? Id imagine if the ship has been subjected to a sufficient blast for an EMP to take out the electronics the lightbulb will be quite dickered and electricity may not be available.

        Im not even going to look as is sounds like the sort of stupid thing someone would have made but id be stunned if you cant find a mobile app on google play that does the same thing with the camera on the phone and the led flash to let you send pointless messages at night over distances you could just shout, just add some local bluetooth/wifi sync so one phone acts as master and the rest slaves and have all the sailors line up on deck pointing their phones at the other ship and marvel at them all flickering in sync.

        If this doesnt exist im relying on you good reg readers to make it a thing, the world needs a mobile phone based clacks terminal.

        1. Kiwi

          Re: EMP

          How much carbide do the ships carry for the acetylene lamps? Id imagine if the ship has been subjected to a sufficient blast for an EMP to take out the electronics the lightbulb will be quite dickered and electricity may not be available.

          I have an older style "emergency torch". It no longer has any storage capacity (though I expect a couple of minutes with a screwdriver and a fresh set of AA rechargeables will fix that!) but it still functions as an emergency light. So long as I keep working the winder, the small spinning coil next to the small magnet acts as a generator, and basic wire carries that power to an ancient incandescent bulb that only requires electricity to work. That Edison could make such a bulb with the technology available at the time shows it is relatively easy to do.

          A small hand-cranked generator, a small 12v lead acid battery as Eltonga mentions, and you're done. So long as the shutters on the lamps still move (they used louvres rather than turning the light on/off), you have an EMP-proof system that can let you communicate over more than shouting distances reliably. So long as the person at the other end can understand the flashes!

    2. fobobob

      Re: EMP

      * Seek the assistance of a physician for signals lasting more than four hours.

    3. Eltonga

      Re: EMP

      Lead-acid batteries of the kind used in cars, ships and pretty much anything not very finicky with weight are not precisely sensitive to EMPs.

      Of course, the ships should have manual power switches instead of electronic ones but that is also not too difficult to overcome.

  3. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
    FAIL

    -.. --- / - . .-.. .-.. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- (Do tell...)

    .-- .... .- - / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / .--. --- ... ... .. -... .-.. -.-- / --. --- / .-- .-. --- -. --. ..--..

    (What could possibly go wrong?)

    1. Mephistro
      Angel

      Re: -.. --- / - . .-.. .-.. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- (Do tell...)

      .-- .... . .-. . / .. - / -. --- - / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - --- .-. / .. / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. -. .----. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. / .- -. -.-- / --- ..-. / - .... .. ... / ... .... .. - .-.-.-

      o_0

      1. Vic

        Re: -.. --- / - . .-.. .-.. .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- (Do tell...)

        .-- .... . .-. .

        ITYM ".-- . .-. ." ...

        Vic.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    .- -. -.. .-. --- .. -.. / --- .-. / .- .--. .--. .-.. . / - .- -... .-.. . - ... ..--..

    Sarcasm (I had to contain letters, I keep them in a jar)

    1. Tim Seventh

      .-- .. -. -.. --- .-- ... / -..- .--. / - .- -... .-.. . - ... ..--.. / --- ..-. / -.-. --- ..- .-. ... .

      I'm just being Honest.

      1. rjmx
        Boffin

        I must admit that using Emacs' "M-x unmorse-region" has helped a lot today.

  5. vonBureck
    Coat

    The snappily titled Flashing Light to Text Converter...

    Was that invented and named by Leonard of Quirm, by any chance? Yes, yes, I'm just leaving, mine's the one with the Discworld novels in multiple pockets...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The snappily titled Flashing Light to Text Converter...

      Well it was either that, or the competing invention from a certain B.S. Johnson

  6. agurney

    "Odds are that the lamp and the person who knows morse code don't survive whatever kills a ruggedized tablet computer."

    There's a backup for that ..

  7. Robert Moore
    Thumb Up

    Morse code

    I once wrote a bash script to read out El Reg headlines in Morse code. It was kind of fun, and after a few days I could understand them without thinking about it.

    Now I just need a Morse keyboard for my laptop.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Megaphone

      Re: Morse code

      @.-. --- -... . .-. - / -- --- --- .-. .

      There's usually one or two incidents that contain the following in a week:

      - .. - ... ..- .--.

    2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Morse code

      Back in the day (circa 1975/76) a colleague of mine needed to learn Morse Code for his Radio Amateur Exam. Another colleague wrote a simple programme to use the beep sound on a Dec VT52 or VT05 terminal to play text for him to practice listening and understanding the message.

      Worked pretty well and he passed his exam.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Morse code

        I didn't think the earlier VT's had variable length beeps?

        I suppose you could do it with the gaps, but that would be hard.

  8. Daedalus

    I can see it now

    "Signal received, sir. Signal reads 'Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance' "

  9. I3N
    Pint

    Yup, love those shirts ... at least there was an operational requirement ...

    Need I say more ...

    "Unprecedented levels of performance improvement"

    and

    "Because we have the money"

  10. Joe Gurman

    And how well, exactly....

    ....does the tablet work when 10 m swells send salt spray onto it?

    1. notowenwilson

      Re: And how well, exactly....

      Looks like a panasonic toughpad. Yes they work fine after a heavy drenching. Source: have used them offshore and given them a heavy drenching in salt spray. Not bad in direct sunlight either.

    2. Alan Edwards

      Re: And how well, exactly....

      It's a Panasonic Toughpad, so probably along the lines of "Ah, I seem to have a layer of salt on my screen, I'd better run it under the tap to clean it off."

  11. Empty1

    ...."....does the tablet work when 10 m swells send salt spray onto it?"...

    Or the sun shines brightly?

  12. Dave 32
    Mushroom

    Morse Code

    They could always draft some old ham radio operators. Quite a few of us still know Morse Code.

    Then, again, would you really want a bunch of grumpy old men (and women) sailing around on boats with nuclear weapons on board?

    Dave

    1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

      Re: Morse Code

      That's the RNs job.

    2. Meph

      Re: Morse Code

      @Dave 32

      Doesn't that qualify you for the XO position? Someone has to make the old man look good.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good luck with exchange ...

  14. John Doe 6

    ...or after an electromagnetic pulse event.

    No, it can't, a EMP would kill the GoPro and the electronics for the signaling lamp.

    1. EveryTime

      Re: ...or after an electromagnetic pulse event.

      An EMP pulse isn't magic. It will be unpredictable, but probably won't kill most small electronics. Especially small devices inside a big tin can that aren't attached to anything (e.g. a charger) when it happens.

      It's hard to foresee the communications speed needed after such an event, but I doubt that there is much of a difference between the 4-5 WPM possible by manual transcription and double that with an experienced operator (I'm don't expect a signal light will support 20WPM.. not that anyone will be sending a lengthy missive.)

    2. Aitor 1

      Re: ...or after an electromagnetic pulse event.

      irrelevant as the ship engines will be dead anyway...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: ...or after an electromagnetic pulse event.

        "irrelevant as the ship engines will be dead anyway..."

        Obviously we need to build a new generation of surface ships with mechanically injected Diesels or steam turbines started by compressed air.

        1. Mephistro
          Unhappy

          Re: ...or after an electromagnetic pulse event. (@ Voyna i Mor)

          That would make sense, not only for EMPs, but also for Carrington events. With our present level of readiness a Carrington even would kill as many people as a total(ish) nuclear war, although with several measures similar to this one we could minimize the casualties a lot.

          Alas, I'm afraid our level of preparedness in the future will remain mostly as it's now, this is, NULL. Or it will get even worse, like will all those plans by governments to exclusively use plastic money, so on top of the loss of comms and energy and most transport, we also lose the currency. Sigh...

  15. aregross
    Thumb Up

    LOL at the Wuthering Heights plug!

  16. Stevie

    Bah!

    Having removed the need to understand what they are signalling, why stick with visible light? Why risk dazzling these poor Jack Tars with the mega candlepower?

    And fyi Mr Reporter, the correct term for the flashing torch of eye-hurtiness is an Aldis Lamp.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bah!

      It's a good question, why not go to some kind of infra-red laser system or something else that would support higher bandwidth. I suspect the reason is that while bolting a servo motor and an off-the-shelf tablet to an existing signal lamp can be done quite cheaply, commissioning a new communication system would inevitably become a billion-dollar boondoggle, out of all proportion to its utility.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't read this!

    .. / .--. .. -.-. -.- . -.. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .--. --- -.-. -.- . - / .- -. -.. / ... - --- .-.. . / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .-- .- .-.. .-.. . - / .- ... / -.-- --- ..- / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - . -.. / - .... .. ...

    Told ya!

    1. DropBear

      Re: Don't read this!

      No worries. I didn't. Any of the encoded ones. My life already starts feeling barren and empty for all that I missed. If only people knew of all the smart, eloquent comments I've craftily concealed here along the years in microdots (just like these)...

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Don't read this!

        smart, eloquent comments I've craftily concealed here along the years in microdots (just like these)...

        How dare you sir! Some of those are quite clearly libellous and I'll see you in court!

  18. jake Silver badge

    Morse ain't dead yet.

    The wife & I use it for short messages when we don't want to be "overheard". If we're in contact physically, nobody knows we're talking ... and even across a crowded room it's easy to get a message across without notice. Granted, it's usually along the lines of:

    --. . - -- . - .... . .... . .-.. .-.. --- ..- - --- ..-. .... . .-. .

    Archaic maybe, but it works without embarrassing anybody.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Morse ain't dead yet.

      Shades of Modesty Blaise and Willie Garvin. Often followed by Modesty taking off her top for a psychological "stun" effect - thus allowing Willie the chance to administer a physical stun to their captors.

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