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Reg now behind invisible HTML5 Bitcoin paywall

Facepalm

Re: Disappointed in El Reg

If you haven't spotted the connection between the Apple patent and the Reg project, remember that money transfer-wise the plain paper bag is the spiritual ancestor of the Bitcoin.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Disappointed in El Reg

Well I'd love to tell you that we plan April 1 gags months in advance and even spend on patent applications to make them more real. But we're just not that organised. And do you know what it costs to file a patent?

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Devil

Re: Disappointed in El Reg

"And do you know what it costs to file a patent?"

It's under $1000 last I priced it, if you can manage your own paperwork and patent search and are filing as an individual, not a corporation. Yeah 'paper bag' needs to be re-invented, especially in Cali-fornicate-you. Nice Job!

/me needs to re-invent "wheel" next

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Nearly

Nearly had me, Just the fading text was a step too far

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Re: Nearly

I thought it was my eyes due to some medication at first and hesitated to comment. I'm glad someone mentioned it and now I can feel almost sane.

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Re: Nearly

Nah, it was this typo...

"Frankly were surprised this hasn't been done before."

...that gave it away for me. No El Reg journo or editor would ever miss out the apostrophe in "we're"!

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Re: Nearly

"I thought it was my eyes due to some medication at first and hesitated to comment."
Ivabradine (Coralan) certainly has that and similar visual FX. Somewhat akin to LSD visuals, but it's no fun having to take it to keep my heart pumping...

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MrT

Nice one, Team Reg...

Has anybody seen my chameleon? It wandered over this article, made an odd clicking noise, and now I can't find it anywhere...

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What a relief...

I thought there was something wrong with my eyes...

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Re: What a relief...

Currently sick as a dog with some sort of plague. I thought the fading text was just another symptom.

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Re: What a relief...

You can say that again. I was reading it in bed after a rough night when I noticed it and thought "wow, that stuff is still hitting me after 12 hours!!" Mudderfockers...

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Thank God I had Flash disabled!

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Anonymous Coward

So thats why

My PC CPU temperature suddenly jumped from 36 to 93C and fans are running at 100%

Wonder if we can blame Windows 10 this time?

In other news, I debugged the problem with my BIOS, seems that there is indeed a problem with corruption over time related to power usage/standby but the fix is just replacing the chip.

Despite putting it in a socket a swap with nearly identical machine it did not work, any ideas?

This is on a very old HP netbook but I bought a new battery for it not 3 months ago so would rather like to get it going again if possible.

(yes, see the joke, ha ha hardy ha ha ha)

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Linux

Re: So thats why

You could always install Linux on it instead - just remember to install TLP to maximise your battery life.

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Most ingenuous

It's nice to see you guys can still hatch a cunning plan.

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Making money

Well done. You deserve every penny you make from this ingenious scheme.

Will it work on an iPhone?

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Re: Making money

El Reg decided not to run it on mobile phones as the results of the Note 7 closed beta test were suboptimal.

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Re: Making money

Goddammit! It's even running on my Nexus 5X. I just saw the last paragraph fade out.

What happens when I navigate off the page?

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Re: Making money

"I just saw the last paragraph fade out.

What happens when I navigate off the page?"

You fade out. Hello? Hello? Are you there?

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Re: Making money

Just nod if you can hear me...

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The best ones

make you think "You know, this just could work..."

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Anonymous Coward

I thought that my eyes were screwed while reading it on my phone until i got to the end.

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Trollface

Bug Report

Sorry, I have to report a vulnerability in your script. Purely as proof-of-concept, I hacked it and took delivery of my first physical bitcoin.

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Re: Bug Report

"took delivery of my first physical bitcoin."

Haven't you heard that some of these asteroids out there consist of such rich yields of bitcoin that it will soon be economic to mine them? Particularly if they strike Earth

http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/apophis/

Some reports have suggested even without an asic!

I think the 2038 flyby may offer rich pickings:

http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/apophis/://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_2038_problem

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B4 Midday

Hmm, I've always understood 1/4/* gags had to be done before midday. And for a set of Register readers, myself included, midday passed some time ago !

So, while great gag (I read it to the end), I'm calling foul !

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Re: B4 Midday

I believe that really only works when you are talking about pranks in the real world, when you talk about internet pranks - they actually run for about 48 hours because of the fact you are dealing with multiple timezones.

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Re: B4 Midday

We might someday have a saying around these parts: "It's always tomorrow somewhere."

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Frankly - new El Reg reporter?

"Frankly were surprised this hasn't been done before. "

I glad "team" Frankly was surprised....they often doesn't get much praise in the first instance !

Unless you meant Frankly is an individual, in which case it should be "Frankly *was*..."

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This has actually been seriously considered

See for example: https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=9042.0

However apparently around 2011 people gave up on the idea since it just cannot compete with dedicated hardware.

There are still lots of proof-of-concept Javascript bitcoin miners on Github, so it would be technically very simple to set this up. It just wouldn't make any money...

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Devil

Totally had me...

Being a bit unwell presently, I thought "hell, looks like the text is changing to me, maybe I should stay in bed."

Well played, you bastards. -------------->

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And I was just about to give you up!

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Coat

They'd never let you down.

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Trollface

6h20 am: get up before work and do a bit of el-reg reading. Wonder wtf my eyes aren't awake yet and the text keeps doing weird things. Click stupid link and realise what day it is. Well done El'reg, well done.

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Pint

Hmm

Gives the game away just before the start of the article.

"1 Apr 2017 at 04:01, Team Register"

The story was probably concocted yesterday evening down the pub

And another thing - what's this troll malarky? Give me back my beer (icon)

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Re: Hmm

And another thing - what's this troll malarky? Give me back my beer (icon)

You'll be pleased to know I can see your beer icon when I hit reply.

As well as the troll icon there was some other 'text scrolling' crossing the icon selector when I made a post earlier today. That seemed entirely meaningless. I guessed it related to April 1st but couldn't figure out what. Perhaps it wasn't rendering properly in my browser.

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Anonymous Coward

Good plan :3

Not a bad idea, given that Javascript can now run shaders on the GPU via WebGL. Could likely get a respectable hashrate!

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Re: Good plan :3

WebGL doesn't cut it anymore for bitcoin mining, but the upcoming WebASIC standard might be useful for this (currently available under an "experimental-" prefix in Firefox Nightly).

This allows web designers to embed "WebVerilog" into their HTML. WebVerilog is a hardware description language like Verilog but fully sandboxed for security using an actual physical sandbox.

Once your browser (Firefox for now, but Edge support is already announced) downloads the WebVerilog, it is then re-transmitted to the nearest chip foundry where a custom chip is fabbed. This is then delivered and installed into your computer or mobile device using a drone. (For Apple devices this may involve heating the device up to 600 degrees Celsius to dissolve the glue). At that point the Javascript "onload" handler executes and the web page is now ready to use its custom hardware.

Clearly this allows a website to use custom hardware for bitcoin mining, which is currently the only cost-effective way to mine.

Note that you may need to practice some care visiting websites using this upcoming technology, since the cost for the custom mask needed to fab the chip (typically starting from $1,000,000) will be added to your telephone bill.

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Loving the way the text subtlety changes from grey to black on the article, thought I was still drunk.

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Qualitay!

Applause from my side!

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Brilliant

This was a good one and I fully support the idea!

Please blurr out more stories about stuff I don't like reading about anyway, it makes the world a better place :)

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But will El Reg be using Dance Dance Authentication to log on?

https://youtu.be/VgC4b9K-gYU

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Coat

Where's our dosh???

Surely the commentards should get a share of the bitcoins raised from this wonderful endeavour?

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Obvious

"On this of all days" - in other words, mining bitcoin for a short time in JavaScript is too slow to be useful, and so this story celebrates April Fool's day.

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Coat

Re: Obvious

fixed: "A plugin is required to view this content"

/me self-slaps and grabs coat

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Pint

Best April Fool (after this one, of course) I've seen so far:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msXPpWf7f5U

and it's slightly tech related!

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first thought was "this could work" followed by "sure I've seen it before" .... https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=9042.0

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Pint

Where's my beer icon?

Pure comedy...

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sleazy way of getting profit out of others for free

Is 'BoB' getting his commission on this sleaze?

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At least El Reg can try its luck ...

Apparently Fox News cannot take the risk of publishing April Fool stories, because none of their "readers" can distinguish them from the, um, real news.

The story was headlined "China infiltrating millions of Americans' family homes with cyborg dogs", which alleged that "Chinese agents, disguised as Hispanic immigrants to avoid police attention, have been dognapping family pets and replacing them with undetectable robodogs programmed to spy on every aspect of Americans' lives". It went on to explain that "The stolen pets have been disposed of in Chinatown enclaves all over the USA, accounting for the rise, noted first by food hygiene agencies during 2015, of ultra cheap meat in oriental takeaway and delivery meals. The FBI had dismissed 142 previous reports as 'fake news' until a Republican congressman in Arkansas reportedly choked in a Chinese restaurant, regurgitating Mystery Chow Mein and a collar marked 'Bruno'."

The story was spiked by a senior editor on the advice of Sean Spicer, who said "Trump would go nookular."

Steve Bannon was last seen scuttling away with a pad of blank Executive Orders, muttering "A wall, a wall, a yooge great wall ... we must keep the dogs outside the Beltway. Watch the kennels! ..."

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Joke

Got me for all of about 2 minutes, especially after I followed the patent link

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