back to article Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

A Virginia man is due to appear before a Grand Jury in February having been caught in his neighbour's garden while drunk, armed, wearing a camouflage mask and carrying "a suspicious bag of bacon". Evan Cater mugshot Suspicious bacon: Evan Cater poses for Amherst County cops Evan Patrick Cater, 31, of Madison Heights, was …

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

      "Canadian Bacon" is just what you Americans call overcooked ham. But how can you hate on it? Sure it isn't bacon, but its still a piece of a pig, which is by far the most delicious of animals.

      But at least its not the abomination that is American "Cheese".

      1. skeptical i

        Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

        re: the abomination that is American "Cheese"

        The technical term is "processed cheese food", and the more heavily marketed brands brag that it contains real milk. Kwality with a 'k'.

        1. Captain DaFt

          Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

          Firstly, True American cheeses can be damned good.

          -The technical term is "processed cheese food"-

          Now that stuff is a true abomination, and these days has moved so far from real cheese that it's now called "Pasteurized processed cheese food spread".

          That stuff is less edible than the plastic it's wrapped in, and doesn't even have to contain milk, or any other recognizably edible substance.

          1. Crazy Operations Guy

            Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

            "Firstly, True American cheeses can be damned good."

            Certainly not denying that, one of the best pieces of cheddar I ever had came from a dairy in the US. Its that weird waxy, bright yellow stuff that is labeled "American Cheese" that , for some reason, doesn't spoil, that I find grotesque. Our bodies harvest nutrients, proteins, etc. from food in a very similar manner to spoilage, so if something doesn't spoil, is it also not digestible?

  1. Frumious Bandersnatch

    Mmmmm

    Unexplained Bacon.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A nod to the Beastie Boys

    You gotta fight... for your right... to baaaaaacon!

  3. Keven E

    It seems it's only whilst holding bacon.

    However, the provisions of this section shall not apply to persons (i) wearing traditional holiday costumes; (ii) engaged in professions, trades, employment or other activities and wearing protective masks which are deemed necessary for the physical safety of the wearer or other persons; (iii) engaged in any bona fide theatrical production or masquerade ball; or (iv) wearing a mask, hood or other device for bona fide medical reasons upon (a) the advice of a licensed physician or osteopath and carrying on his person an affidavit from the physician or osteopath specifying the medical necessity for wearing the device and the date on which the wearing of the device will no longer be necessary and providing a brief description of the device, or (b) the declaration of a disaster or state of emergency by the Governor in response to a public health emergency where the emergency declaration expressly waives this section, defines the mask appropriate for the emergency, and provides for the duration of the waiver. The violation of any provisions of this section is a Class 6 felony.

  4. BebopWeBop

    Of course, a true bacon lover would describe the American variety as "suspicious", even were it not served up coated in an unknown substance by a tooled-up masked man with a few liveners under his belt.

    I thought the only stuff that might be called bacon in the US at least was smuggled across the border from Canada, along with prescription drugs at least than killing prices?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Of course, a true bacon lover would describe the American variety as "suspicious" "

    I'd generally get a good deal more descriptive than that, especially if we're talking "breakfast strips". Ugh....

  6. magickmark
    Angel

    Makin Bacon

    When I were a lad one of my first jobs was working a shop that sold what we called 'provisions'. One of which was bacon. (This was in the UK)

    What we used to get for our 'bacon' was whole sides of pig that had been cured in a traditional way, no chemical added water etc.

    This 'side of bacon' as it was called then had to be jointed up and then the joint was then sliced by hand on a slicing machine, basically a hand turned blade on a flywheel. And we used every part of the side to produce everything from streaky (the belly) bacon to hocks, gammon steaks and joints, back, long-back, oyster cut not a bit was wasted. Yum yum.

    Not really sure what the point of this is other than the pleasant memory of real bacon hand cut and ever so tasty.

    The icon? Because it was the food of gods

    1. Hope Spirals
      Childcatcher

      Re: Makin Bacon

      And it had rind... where has that gone? Even my butcher (also in the 'WATER IN MY BACON!!! wait till I get my cleaver' camp) looks at me as if I'm mad when I ask.

      Apparently, I'm in a minority of one and it's easier to remove the skin before slicing the bacon.

      Please think of the children who believe scummy over cooked tasteless 'stuff' in a sweet subway roll (Oh please don't get me started on that) covered in gloop is a bacon sandwich.

      1. magickmark

        Re: Makin Bacon

        Yep rind and all, you'd open the fridge (more of a cold room really) and there would be the sides all hanging head down, looking literally like a suntanned pig, smoked sides looking dark brown and the un-smoked looking like a light tan. To me the rind was one of the best bits!!

      2. x 7

        Re: Makin Bacon

        "And it had rind... where has that gone?"

        pigskin........................gone to make handbags, shoes and dog chews

        never used to have value so was left on, now it does have a value

    2. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: Makin Bacon

      Because it was the food of gods

      I was in Palmerston North recently visiting my daughter and grandchildren. I had breakfast al fresco in a little café opposite the library. Real dry cured bacon and eggs. Food of the gods indeed...

  7. NomNomNom

    Bacon

    A product founded on animal abuse, performed for the pursuit of human pleasure

    1. x 7

      Re: Bacon

      "performed for the pursuit of human pleasure"

      most bacon is reformed not performed............

    2. Kernel

      Re: Bacon

      "A product founded on animal abuse, performed for the pursuit of human pleasure"

      Yep, that's the tasty stuff we're talking about.

      Good to see you're paying attention.

  8. jonnycando

    First of all

    Let us not speak badly of American bacon. Unmolested by strange poisons it's quite addictive.

    1. MotionCompensation

      Re: First of all

      Poison, that may have been what was on the bacon, for killing the dogs. Burglars do it all the time over here.

  9. The Vociferous Time Waster

    Wait

    Wearing a mask is a felony but carrying a gun while drunk is only misdemeanour

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