Here lies 
/^v.+b$/i After I've gone In a melancholy mood, this week. Went back home to have a look at Dad's bench. He was a Classics scholar, actually; went up to Cambridge and everything. And so above his name and dates on the brass plaque screwed into the wood, instead of "He loved this place" or something equally fatuous, it says: ORE STABIT …
The only programming language suitable to put on your tombstone is GEORDIE, or as is more commonly known in the ultra-geeky community - Gulping Excessively Often Ruins Decent Indian Edibles.
<begin tombstone>
If ya ganna smork ya tab in ear,
ah'll belt ya from ear to Geeatsheed, mun
</aye enough>
int Age=0;
bool AsLongAsPossible = true;
try
{
while ( AsLongAsPossible )
{
Age++;
If(Age > 50)
{
int randomEvent = Random.Next(0, 9);
switch ( randomEvent )
{
case 0: throw new FatalException (" Old Age" );
case 1: throw new FatalException (" Body Failure" );
case 2: throw new FatalException (" Murdered " );
case 3: throw new FatalException (" Digitas" );
case 4: throw new FatalException (" Death by SnuSnu" );
default: break;
}
}
}
}
catch(FatalException death)
{
Dispose();
}
int expired = 0;
do {
expired = life();
while (!expired);
printf("Goodbye, world\n");
The function life() may factorise several parameters, functions and states, viz:
int life(void) {
static int age = 0;
eat();
drink();
if (age < 18) {
grow_up();
some_fun();
} else if (age >=18 && age <110) {
more_fun();
beer();
sex();
} else {
return 1;
}
return 0;
}
Ada. Has to be Ada. It has an honorable ancestry both with computer scientists (oops, excuse me, "boffins") *and* with English mathematics and literature. Plus it has enough Pascal-like features to let you feel comfortable (or at least, to rest in peace).
If that doesn't appeal to you, I offer as a second choice the original form of BASIC, line numbers (which should be Date of Birth and Date of Passing) and all.
Oh, as as usual, your column is wonderful.
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