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Hadron Collider switches to heavy ions, tinfoilers wet pants again

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Um that would be 15 MILImetres. Not KM.

Neutron stars are considerably less dense that the hypothesised strange matter and they come in at only 10-12 km across.

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No interdimensional invasion yet?

Part of me is disappointed they haven't managed to put a hole in the fabric of space-time yet.

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They have.

It occurred some time ago.

The hole in the fabric of space time did not occur at CERN, it occurred in London. To be precise, it is located near the Speakers chair in the house of commons.

All the interdimensional monsters invaded, time was slowed and strange particles pervaded the air.

Unfortunately it was not noticed since the occupants of said house do not live in this world anyway. The press people present were still discussing global warming.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: They have.

Satire!

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Boffin

No holes in space-time fabric yet?

They don't have any cats at CERN?

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Pint

Best. First. Sentence. EVER.

Now I'm just waiting for the black-hole implosion apocalypse, as nothing can beat that sentence!

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Where's the huh ...

... Gold

I mean, sticking lead in there and whizzing it around at the speed of light* then crashing it into soup, there's surely got to be gold coming out of the other end, right ?

* almost

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Lambda Complex

Wot, no jokes about Gordon Freeman yet?

For added authenticity, CERN should put something like the following through their PA if the red button is pressed:

"Attention administration personnel, evacuate Sector D immediately.

Attention. All science personnel report topside for immediate questioning.

Warning, cross-dimensional power field activity detected

Warning, unauthorized biological force detected in cross-dimensional power field.

All personnel evacuate Lambda Complex, extreme dimensional malfunction detected.

Message for Gordon Freeman, you will not escape this time. "

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Coat

Journalist remembered his press card

The coat with the red buttons, please.

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Jobs Horns

Do not push this button..

.. Of course you did. Your name must be Davros.

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Jobs Horns

Compressed to the size of a marble..

..I mean, do I care? Does anyone care? Who would there be left to care? In fact think it is exactly what we need.

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Button, buttony buuutttoooooon

It's a damn good idea having a harmless button for pokey pokey POKEY BUTTON people like me to push and get the pokeyness out of our systems before being allowed into the control rooms.

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Compressed to the size of a marble

It would actually be the same size it always was, it is space itself that gets 'compressed'

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Paris Hilton

I don't understand...

If ever a story needed a touch of Playmobil, surely it's this one... Make it clear to us, el reg, make it clear.

--Paris, cos I work there.

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Yag
Coat

Nostalgia...

This big-red-button trap in an underground complex housing a potentially-world-destroying device makes me think back to my (not so) younger years playing "Evil Genius"...

Mine is the one with the 1M$ note in the pocket

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Collider

The collider coverage is often times better than my daily webcomics for making me smile.

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Paris Hilton

So, they're pretty close to the Big Bang

After that, they can start looking for the Best one.

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IT Angle

Please feel free to contradict me if you think I'm mistaken

My understanding is that the speed of light is a constant, and the only absolute constant in the universe (because we defined it that way). So, two things approaching each other, each travelling at the speed of light, can meet each other at no more than the speed of light. What happens between them, so as to avoid their having any illusion as to their meeting each other at anything in excess of the speed of light, is that time slows down. Therefore, from the point of view of a particle travelling at something approaching the speed of light towards another particle travelling at the same speed in the opposite direction, the two particles meet each other very, very, very slowly -- as if the LHC were a tremendously cumbersome sort of social networking website server driving a 512 Kbyte eight-inch floppy diskette with a 400-baud modem. And like Facebook, despite people seeing it as producing spectacularly orgasmic results, it does nothing.

I say this with some academic authority, having been certified as competent to an advanced level in the study of physics by the Oxford and Cambridge Joint Matriculation Board.

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Happy

Ah, yes. The big red button.

The best way to safeguard your lab.

http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_362.php

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