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Where can I hide this mic? I know, shove it down my urethra

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Micro SD holder

There are a number of nice micro SD card holders, credit card size (but a little thicker) that I use to keep my MicroSD cards in check. They're great. It now means that I can loose seven cards and an adaptor all at the same time. How's that for efficiency !!!

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Dear God

The sheer amount of innuendo almost made me dizzy. Way to go, Dabbs !

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Re: Dear God

A girl I know once told me that she loves double entendres, so I gave her one.

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Joke

Re: Dear God

@Roj Blake

A girl I know...

Samantha?

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Re: Dear God

Mornington Crescent!

wait, wut?

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Re: Dear God

Definitely one of the better rants.

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Re: Dear God

I'm sorry, I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

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Hmmmm....

"we might be able to pack an entire smartphone in our schlongs."

Are you stroking yourself, or just swiping through Instagram?

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Windows

Castration anxiety

This is why I wear practical but unfashionable trousers with side pockets on the legs, where wallet, phone and anything else bulky can be stored so that I can seat myself with reckless abandon without a high pitched scream or the sound of a glass screen cracking.

Or...ummm....the sound of a crack cracking on a glass screen perhaps?

On a related note, people of a certain age (yoof) seem to carry mobile phones (on the rare occasions that they aren't actively using them) sticking half way out of a rear pocket. This looks insecure on various levels; invitation to pickpockets, ease of losing when sitting down, whatever. I can only assume that the jeggings or whatever are so tight that it is impossible to remove the phone without the deliberate flexing of buttock muscles.

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Re: Castration anxiety

sitting down quickly while a smartphone's in your pocket is the new Russian Roulette

This is why God gave us shirt pockets.

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FAIL

Re: Castration anxiety

The release of said tightness on removing jeggings to use the toilet has been responsible for one instance of a daughter, and two separate grand daughters fishing in the loo for their smart phones in the past year.

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Re: Castration anxiety

@Chris Miller - "This is why God gave us shirt pockets."

Speak for yourself. Blouses and trousers have pockets... but then the vicious sods go and sew them up, so we can't actually use them !!!

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Re: Castration anxiety

This is why I wear practical but unfashionable trousers with side pockets on the legs, where wallet, phone and anything else bulky can be stored so that I can seat myself with reckless abandon without a high pitched scream or the sound of a glass screen cracking.

I go for the "Batman look". I have a belt pouch for my phone (not one of those oversized phablets, I generally only use it for, *GASP*, phone calls). If I need to carry around a multi-tool, etc, that's another accessory on the utility belt.

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Re: Castration anxiety

This is why God gave us shirt pockets.

Required IT crowd reference

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Re: Castration anxiety

"This is why God gave us shirt pockets."

I note that someone (my private stalker?) downvotes me if I ever mention a brand name in a post - admirably persistent - but the combination of Rohan shirts and Sony compact phones is extremely effective.

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Happy

Re: Castration anxiety

Oh, but sometimes its so very satisfying to watch.

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Re: Castration anxiety

@Chris Miller shirt pockets.

Obligatory IT Crowd clip:

https://youtu.be/dXqFZOMgr9U

:)

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Headmaster

Re: Castration anxiety

Not sure how scientific or well founded my remark is here, but thinking about it...

Might there be a gender specific difference here? If I look around or contemplate it, I've the idea that ladies in general wear their mobes in their back pocket (just like your (grand) daughters do), while gents seem to prefer the location Dabs described (either on vibrate or not). You know, just like gents dropping their trousers when sitting down on the loo, and ladies pulling up (if they wear skirts of course)...

I think it's about time for a completely unscientific Reg study here...

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Windows

Re: Castration anxiety - Rohan shirts

I find the pockets in my Rohan shirts barely adequate for my Galaxy S5 (which I use for all sorts of things including navigation and, very occasionally, phone calls). I haven't yet found a pair of Rohan trousers (in a sale; you pay full price??) with decent side pockets. Generally need a waistcoat of many pockets, a bum bag, or a rucksack to carry stuff around.

I am currently stocking up on Paramo which have humongous trouser side pockets and quite respectable shirt pockets. Although the buggers stopped producing my favourite shirt soon after I discovered it.

However Rohan do a jacket which has so many capacious pockets I'm not sure if I have managed to use them all yet. Quite large enough for an 8" tablet (more navigation) and my largest wallet with a subset of my plastic card collection. Autumn through spring only, though, or I would melt. Looking forward to using it next time we fly as it has a similar capacity to carry on luggage.

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Re: Castration anxiety - Rohan shirts

"I find the pockets in my Rohan shirts barely adequate for my Galaxy S5"

Hence my reference to Sony compacts. The latest one is rather porky by the usual standards, but is still 7mm less on a side than the S5. I really hope Sony don't discontinue the line, because really 5 inches is enough. Oo-err missus.

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"512KB"

Wow, a flash drive with less than half the capacity of a 3.5" floppy, technology really has advanced over the years hasn't it...

</sarcasm - yes I know it's supposed to be 512MB>

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Not necessarily an error (although they seem to be out of stock):

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Texet-512KB-USB-Flash-Drive/dp/B004GUU5BE

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Pint

@Dave K

capacity of 512Kb? beat me to it... even down to the capacity of a floppy!

+1 and a pint!

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Storage capacities were measured in gigabytes - albeit not large numbers of GB unless $$$ - when USB first emerged.

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@Nick Kew

No, they weren't. The first available flash drives came in 64MB, 128MB, 256MB and 512MB sizes - and those are still available today.

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Anonymous Coward

Fairly sure the first pendrive I spent real money on was either 16 or at most 32Mb. It must still be around here somewhere but hell knows.

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USB storage capacity

I remember when i was at college and the idea of storing things on something you could plug into a USB was becoming a 'thing'. (mice, keyboards, printers had been around a while).

To avoid all the nonsense that my classmates had to put up with using floppies, myself and a couple of chums had invested in USB card readers, and what were at the time, almost exclusively digital camera memory cards. I had a 16mb compact flash card, and a single format card reader, was the best thing ever.

Was a bit of a pain needing to carry around the mini-CD with the drivers on it.

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A few years ago I spent a lot of money buying up the last 32Mb CF cards I could find.

We had a fleet of old field data loggers that used 32Mb FAT (rather than pay MSFT a license for FAT32) it had all the file offset positions hard coded into the micro and would only work with 32Mb cards.

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@Nick Kew: Oh no they weren't!

My first flash drive was 256MB. At the time, it was still great coming from a world of floppy disks and the occasional Zip drive.

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The problem I find isnt that the ones i find lying around are somehow now too small . I could be happy with 512mb of mp3s stuffed into the car radio's usb socket ...

Trouble is the sd cards I find lying around the house are far beyond the capacity of the gizmos i want to use them with ...

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hmv

Wasn't USB but the first CF card I bought was 10Mbytes.

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I’ve just checked and my oldest USB flash drive is 64 MB.

Of course it was exactly where I knew it would be. The newer, larger, actually useful ones... no idea where they are.

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Happy

True! Still got one 64MB here, can supply picture when needed!

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I found the memory card that came with a 1990's Anritsu spectrum analyser, a princely 32kB.

Yes kilobytes! Now got off my lawn!

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</sarcasm - yes I know it's supposed to be 512MB>

My first digicam came with a 4MB CF card for storage (I bought a 16MB one the next day when I realised that 4MB couldn't even hold half as much pics as a 36 roll of Ektachrome), so a 512k stick doesn't sound out of the ordinary if you go back that far.

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Some time ago I found a handheld computer at a thrift store. Storage was a PCMCIA card using static RAM, with two coin cells for backup power. IIRC its capacity is 256k; programs lived on a second PCMCIA card, 2MB or 4MB (the machine is elsewhere, can't check).

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I still have a working 128Mb usb drive. It has a small set of pxe boot drivers on it. The reason I keep it is that it has never failed to be detected in a machine, some USB sticks get finicky around USB booting.

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> Fairly sure the first pendrive I spent real money on was either 16 or at most 32Mb. It must still be around here somewhere but hell knows.

I've got a 32MB one somewhere, in a fairly slender form factor considering its age (albeit traded off against length). With luck you might get a slim modern one alongside it in an adjacent port.

At one of my jobs I lent it to someone and it ended up being used for some test or other because being old it was slightly more power hungry than most. I had to fight slightly to get it back into my possession!

...It's plenty enough for some minimal distros still; if I knew where it was I expect I'd find Tiny Core, possibly dual booted with FreeDOS, on it.

I found it in the bottom of a pocket one day and asking myself "what's that doing there" earned the response "what's *that*? Are you some sort of spy?" :)

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The first USB pen drives were 8MB

According to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USB_flash_drive. That sounds much more the sort of figure I remember seeing available.

Psion used to have much smaller flash memory cards. I've a S/H 256K card for a Psion 3 for sale on my website!

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Paris Hilton

Oh, go on then

Is that a microphone up your urethra or are you just pleased to see me?

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Re: Oh, go on then

Is that a microphone up your urethra or are you just pleased to see me?

The authors choice of 'down' rather than up has got to be in almost awed wonder and pride.'Wow! See, I can still achieve a not insignificant 'Belisha beacon' at my age, be amazed!!

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Alert

Re: Oh, go on then

If you have bladder stones you maybe unlucky enough to have a doctor stick a camera into your bladder to have a look. They use an endoscope (technically a 'cystoscope') that's about 3-4mm diameter.

Barring surgery there's only one way that camera is getting in there, and, yep, everyone reading this just involuntarily tried to cross their legs. As a man, one of the worst bits is when they have to get it round a narrow corner right by your prostate.

Definitely one of my least favourite medical memories, although I did get to see the inside of my own bladder, which I suppose few people can say.

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Re: Oh, go on then

3-4mm - that's nothing.

My first robotic surgery project was for automated prostate surgery.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCZjktHxgw4

For that a resectoscope is passed up the urethra through the only natural keyhole. Not only does that contain the 'scope (which could be swapped for an ultrasound probe) but also the cutting equipment and irrigation channels. The whole assembly was housed in a stainless steel tube approximately 10mm in diameter.

And don't ask about the trans-rectal ultrasound probe (which goes in the other, larger, keyhole) used to guide a needle for prostate biopsies - that would put a lot of Ann Summers products to shame.

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Joke

Re: Oh, go on then

Definitely one of my least favourite medical memories, although I did get to see the inside of my own bladder, which I suppose few people can say.

Are you taking the p...

No. Best not. Not gonna get any respect for such an obvious pun.

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Re: Oh, go on then

"The whole assembly was housed in a stainless steel tube approximately 10mm in diameter."

And they say that no man can ever truly appreciate the pain of childbirth...

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Joke

Re: Oh, go on then

"And they say that no man can ever truly appreciate the pain of childbirth..."

Sure they can, and much worse. Go ask someone to kick you in the crown jewels. I garuntee you won't want to go back for a second kick. On the other hand, I know a lot of women who want, or have, second or even third children. Clearly, therefore, the kick in the nuts must be worse.

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Re: Oh, go on then

"Sure they can, and much worse. Go ask someone to kick you in the crown jewels. I garuntee you won't want to go back for a second kick. On the other hand, I know a lot of women who want, or have, second or even third children. Clearly, therefore, the kick in the nuts must be worse."

At the end of childbirth, one has the outcome of a new human being. That is usually a desired thing, hence the willingness to endure the discomfort. Offer said kicked gents the sum of one million (dollars, euros, pounds, whatever) for a return go, after a recovery time of at least nine months, and you would probably get a fair number of takers.

Oh, and do kicked nuts hurt at pain=9 or 10 for hours at a time? I have known women to be in labor for twelve+ hours. Weaker sex indeed!

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Bromide for Mr. Dabbs please!

And a lot of it, now! ^^

In fact, gents, we might be able to pack an entire smartphone in our schlongs

I would suggest using the vibrating mode, ringing schlongs may be not very well considered.

And now for something completely similar

small is beautiful

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Alert

Re: Bromide for Mr. Dabbs please!

yes, he appears to be somewhat pee-occupied of late with his crotch-region

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Re: Bromide for Mr. Dabbs please!

In fact, gents, we might be able to pack an entire smartphone in our schlongs

I would suggest using the vibrating mode, ringing schlongs may be not very well considered.

Why 'in', exactly?

I suggest some sort of sheath affair, vibrate might still be fun, especially at office meetings when you've forgotten you've it 'on you'

Might loose the 'respect' (to say the least) either way, if you have to unzip to retrieve you phone and put it to your ear*

*And passing it to a lady (if you can find one these days) with 'so and so wants a word' is certainly out.

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