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Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

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I'lm not sure his buttocks is more dangerous than the pesticide residues splattered all over the fruit skin.

A loss prevention employee

ROTFL

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Coat

Judging by the toilet seats where I work, that may not be true.

But when you gotta mango you gotta mango.

Mines the long one at the back with flaps

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Joke

A loss prevention employee

Didn't stop him loosing his pants. Sackable offence surely!

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Loosing his pants? As in he made them slacker? Suppose..

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If the pesticide is "splattered all over the fruit skin", all you need to do is rinse it off with water, just as you always do with fruit fresh out of the field. You do know that most fruit & veg grown world-wide is grown in decomposing plant material augmented with shit, right? And almost all of it is handled by humans, whose hands are absolutely filthy! A little easily removed pesticide is the least of your worries.

The phrase "loss prevention employee" is an example of what used to be called "Airline English", the fine art of using many words where a couple will do. The most common example is "Please Extinguish All Smoking Materials" instead of "No Smoking". I'm rather partial to "Adverse Weather Excluder", but usually use a more succinct "Bumbershoot".

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And of course we always debag the new hires ...

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Ah, yes, Potemkine! ...

... that article is based on info from the "Environmental Working Group", who have been helping to put the mental back into environmental science since 2002. Next?

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"Brings new meaning to try before you buy"

Makes you wonder what he was trying them for.

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Jape

Reminds me of a dare I did as a student - supermarket checkout, with a cucumber, Vaseline and a packet of jonnies.

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Re: Jape

Allergy, or are you a bit anal when it comes to pesticide paranoia?

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Mushroom

Re: Jape

"Reminds me of a dare I did as a student - supermarket checkout, with a cucumber, Vaseline and a packet of jonnies."

Reminds me of a certain scene from Spinal Tap - Courgette, wrapped in foil.

.

.

.

Peter "James" Bond, and Mick Shrimpton, long may they be remembered (icon related).

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Anonymous Coward

What an arse !

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Anonymous Coward

Well, if they

say you have skin like a peach, I can only assume he was trying a practical experiment to confirm that hypothesis.

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How does this work?

I mean, is this his spur of the moment explanation for a weird fetish? Because I just don't understand how you would test fruit in that way. For one thing, the bum is not that sensitive to pressure, for obvious reasons.

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Re: How does this work?

It was voodoo. He was trying to put his wrinkles back on the cantaloupe.

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There's no suggestion in the police ledger that he was checking the freshness. Anyone want to research what he claimed he was doing?

Quick goggle reveals "Senior Police Officer Charles Sharp told USA TODAY he does not believe the incident was mental health related."

Are you sure about that...?

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Facepalm

It's a bum rap, copper!

"A loss prevention employee"

FFS...

They probably can't spell "security guard"

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Coat

So fresh!

Everything was just peachy, then it went pear shaped and now it's just the pits.

Sorry! It was just there! ...which is likely to be this guy's defense, too.

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Re: So fresh!

Seems a bit cheeky to me.

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Anonymous Coward

Who hasn't been tempted with a nice pear?

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Bottom line

He was ass uming the fruit rather than consuming it.

"Loss prevention employee"? WTF

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Bronze badge

Disgusting but not criminal.

Any decent lawyer will get the charges dropped, he caused no more 'damage' to the fruit then simply picking it up does.

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Joke

Re: Disgusting but not criminal.

So they lawyer could win the case with a half-assed effort?

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Re: Disgusting but not criminal.

Actually, I could see the store taking a reputational hit for selling produce that's been on an arse, and you'd inevitably (as its the US) get someone suing claiming it made them ill.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Disgusting but not criminal.

Please allow me to wipe my fat sweaty arse all over your fruit bowl's contents and watch you chow down on them.

Pillock.

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Re: Disgusting but not criminal.

People go to the toilet and don't wash their hands before touching the fruit, do you think that doesn't get it dirty? He didn't cause anymore damage that that does, and people are fine with that and accept it as normal. It's not criminal if he didn't do anything different to what the store normally lets people do to the fruit.

The pillocks are the ones who don't thoroughly wash fruit when they buy it.

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Didn't he provide any half arsed argument in his defense?

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Anonymous Coward

It's a bum rap.

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Facepalm

WHat a Bummer ....

At Least he didn't try to pork a cantaloupe !

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Re: WHat a Bummer ....

For the love of God don't Google +Reddit +tifu +coconut (especially at work).

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Angel

A good reason to wash unpackaged produce then!

Whilst I was brought up to not mind a bit of dirt, this is perhaps a bit too far. Grandma would probably have asked what all the fuss was about.

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What a fruitcake !

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Anonymous Coward

Clarity Needed

I'm confused... in once place it says the cops were called by a security guard and in another place by a "loss prevention employee".

Which was it? Enquiring minds need to know :-/

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Headmaster

Re: Clarity Needed

For most retail establishments, security guard = loss prevention employee. In all cases, the loss prevention aspect comes first. If you want to identify one of these plain-clothes store detective types, get a few friends to go to a store with you, grab a random assortment of merchandise and wander toward the exit chanting "Shrinkage! Shrinkage!"

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Re: Clarity Needed

loss prevention is what use to be called store detectives. There role is to both stop shop lifters and internal theft . Yes in place like supper markets their is a difference between the uniformed security guard you see and the plain clothes loss prevention. Most of the time the security guard is contracted out were loss prevention is a direct hire . Loss prevention is almost always plain clothes store detective .

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Devil

Just buff it on your trousers before eating, it'll be fine...

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Happy

Which? His arse, or the fruit?

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IT Angle

Obligatory "IT Angle?" Post

Not that I didn't enjoy the story...but for tradition's sake, I'm using this icon: ->

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Re: Obligatory "IT Angle?" Post

Obligatory reply, in case anybody reading truly doesn't know:

Bootnotes covers all sins. Especially if food related.

All work & no play makes ElReg a dull vulture.

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Re: Obligatory "IT Angle?" Post

The story is in the BootNotes section.

Although it might be more appropriately placed in BootieNotes.

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Did he have a turnip shaped like a thingy or a thingy shaped like a turnip?

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That's a different American, and I believe it's a mushroom not a turnip

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Anonymous Coward

Giant Food Store are sole suppliers of fruit and veg

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Coat

Bummer!

I'll get my coat....

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JLV
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Coat

()()

Bootnotes Buttnotes

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Joke

Should have been charged for arson

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Should have been charged for arson

That would be a bum rap

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Facepalm

"A loss prevention employee..."?

Oh, you mean what everyone else calls a "security guard"!

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Re: "A loss prevention employee..."?

Security guard is meant as an obvious deterrent. Nice bright uniform standing by the door. Were Loss prevention is either working the cams or in plain clothes tracking a person.

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