back to article Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

Welcome once more to On-Call, The Register’s Friday foolishness in which readers recount tales of tech support jobs that went pear-shaped. This week, meet “Harry” who wrote to tell us of a job he was asked to do in the early 1980s. Harry was just 19 years of age at the time and tells us he was “pony-tailed and headband- …

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  1. RGE_Master

    Made it here first!

    Is it just me, or are you interested in getting your hands on the suitcase?

    Jenko: [raiding the evidence locker for drugs to take to their party] Got a pound of coke.

    Schmidt: We are trying to show them a good time, not ruin their f*cking lives.

    Jenko: Pound of marijuana?

    Schmidt: Best party ever!

    1. drand

      Re: Made it here first!

      Drugs are bad. Mmmmkay?

      1. RGE_Master

        Re: Made it here first!

        There are actually benefits to vaporizing mary jane.

        Also and you can check this, people who use weed have more sex than someone who doesn't, up to 10 times more over the course of a week.

        Although, that being said, without a girlfriend it's a bit harder to manage, so no amount of weed will ever help :-)

        1. Tigra 07
          Alien

          Re: Made it here first!

          "There are actually benefits to vaporizing mary jane"

          Who told you of our plans to vapourize the humans?

          1. Sgt_Oddball
            Pint

            Re: Made it here first!

            It's not hot enough to vaporize a pint of Mary Jane just yet. Though the weekends here so you never know...

            (Mary Jane being the star beer of Illkley brewery (of moor fame b't'hat))

            1. Bob Ajob
              Pint

              Re: Mary Jane (the brew)

              I'm fortunate enough to live close to the brewery and can thoroughly recommend this particular brew. Tonight :)

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Made it here first!

              "Mary Jane being the star beer of Illkley brewery (of moor fame b't'hat)"

              Hast tha been and gone wi' Mary Jane on Ilkley Moor? Because then tha may catch thy death of pox. (In the uncensored version).

        2. Jellied Eel Silver badge

          Re: Made it here first!

          There are actually benefits to vaporizing mary jane.

          Although none were accepted in mitigation during the trial of Peter Parker, 18 of New York City last week.

          1. BebopWeBop
            Coat

            Re: Made it here first!

            Whatever did happen to Mary Jane?

            1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
              Pint

              Re: Made it here first!

              "Whatever did happen to Mary Jane?"

              Brilliant!! Would like to raise a glass of Mary Jane to that, but the pubs here don't have it. I'll make do with a Westmalle Tripel (or two, it's been that kind of week)

            2. David Roberts
              Windows

              Re: Made it here first!

              Whatever's the matter with May Jane.........

              .......and it's lovely rice pudding for dinner again.

        3. Wzrd1 Silver badge

          Re: Made it here first!

          "There are actually benefits to vaporizing mary jane."

          Not for us, we both have *severe* allergy to the substance. As in being utterly incapable of breathing allergy.

          Which, considering the ubiquity of the substance, is extremely annoying!

        4. Weiss_von_Nichts
          Angel

          Re: Made it here first!

          Hmmm. Have been married for a couple of years haven't been smoking grass for even longer. I am sure I'd hardly enjoy getting divorced. Leaves one parameter to change...

      2. Bernard M. Orwell

        Re: Made it here first!

        "Drugs are bad. Mmmmkay?"

        Are you including alcohol in that sweeping statement?

        1. drand

          Re: Made it here first!

          I'm quoting the school councillor in Southpark, whose character is there to take the piss out of the 'Just Say No' approach to drugs (include alcohol if you wish) education. It's what came into my head when I pictured the article's drug enforcement officers, happily enforcing without understanding.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Made it here first!

            > happily enforcing without understanding.

            Great phrase, so true.

        2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Made it here first!

          Are you including alcohol in that sweeping statement?

          ...and caffeine, aspirin, insulin, etc. etc.?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Made it here first!

            Oxytocin?

          2. onefang

            Re: Made it here first!

            "...and caffeine, aspirin, insulin, etc. etc.?"

            I wouldn't be calling insulin a drug, it is made by the human body, and generally only injected by diabetics that are lacking enough insulin. That's like calling blood a drug, coz some people have blood injected into them. Next you'll be calling blood donors drug dealers.

            1. Sequin

              Re: Made it here first!

              In the UK If you are an insulin using diabetic (like me) and you have a hypoglycemic attack while driving, you can be prosecuted for driving under the influence of drugs and lose your licence. You are supposed to check your blood sugar level before you start a journey, and at least every two hours during a journey.

              1. Manolo
                FAIL

                Re: Made it here first!

                We had something like that here. A gentleman who during the month of ramadan left his insulin pump running, despite not eating. Ran down some tourists(*) in front of Amsterdam Central Station.

                Was deemed to be due to hypoglycaemia, but no prosecution.

                * The tourists were Israeli's, which led to a lot of speculation whether this was an accident or an attack.

                Lack of communication by police and the strange fact that the dozens of CCTV cameras in front of the station were all switched off or pointing elsewhere only fuelled the conspiracy theories.

                Fail icon for Dutch justice.

              2. Wzrd1 Silver badge

                Re: Made it here first!

                "You are supposed to check your blood sugar level before you start a journey, and at least every two hours during a journey."

                Jesus fucking christ, yet another reason to avoid old blighty!

                While my family line is type 2 diabetic, I'm one of the outliers in remaining non-diabetic. Keeping the weight down is what I suspect to be the cause of my success.

                However, my wife is insulin dependent.

                So, if assigned a mission critical posting in the UK, I say, I retire and let the bloody island sink.

                1. Sequin

                  Re: Made it here first!

                  So you'd be quite happy for people like this to be on the road?

                  https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/switch-island-horror-crash-cop-11686489

                  Hypos while driving are equivalent to drunk driving, but hey, lets all get pissed and take a road trip!

            2. Sgt_Oddball
              Happy

              Re: Made it here first!

              Nicotine, valium, vicodine, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol..

              C-c-c-c-cocaine !!!

              Feel good hit of the summer....

              1. Mark 85

                Re: Made it here first!

                Well... sing the whole thing: "Ridin' that train, high on cocaine..."

              2. Agamemnon

                Re: Made it here first!

                ... "Chips, dips, chains, whips ... your basic High School orgy."

            3. Mage Silver badge

              Re: Next you'll be calling blood donors drug dealers.

              Vampires?

              https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/31/blood-transfusions-from-teenagers-start-up-charging-8000-apiece.html

              Some Silicon Valley Execs pay for blood.

            4. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Made it here first!

              > Next you'll be calling blood donors drug dealers.

              True Blood?

            5. Wzrd1 Silver badge

              Re: Made it here first!

              "I wouldn't be calling insulin a drug, it is made by the human body..."

              Nope, human insulin is made by the human body and one specific, genetically engineered e. coli species.

              Insulin in general is made by many species and it is indeed, when prepared as such, a drug.

              Once it is purified and prepared for usage as a medicine, it is indeed a drug and regulated as such. Which is a good thing, as it's then guaranteed to be pure, sterile and of guaranteed potency.

              Which is good news for my insulin dependent wife.

              1. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

                Re: Made it here first!

                "Drug" is a very weird word in English.

                In my native tongue a "drug" is something that influences your perception of reality somehow, or simply puts you to sleep (temporarily, or forever).

                Insuline and such are medication (or medicine), not "drugs". A "drugstore" would be a quite shady place indeed!

        3. Byron "Jito463"

          Re: Made it here first!

          "Are you including alcohol in that sweeping statement?"

          I would. There's no sane reason I can think of to ever drink alcohol.

          *waits for the 1,000 downvotes*

          1. Tigra 07
            Pint

            Re: Byron

            "There's no sane reason I can think of to ever drink alcohol"

            You sound fun at parties.

            Here, have a beer. You might like it >>>>

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: Made it here first!

            One sane reason is that many fermented beverages are quite tasty. Another sane reason is that a certain quantity of alcohol in your diet is good for you, having some longevity benefits.

            Out of curiosity, do you eat yeast breads? How about vanilla?

        4. The First Dave

          Re: Made it here first!

          Are you including, lets say, Paracetomol ?

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Made it here first!

        "Drugs are bad. Mmmmkay?"

        But so much fun...

        *Please dope yourself responsibly, yada yada yada

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Made it here first!

      Were you expecting a prize?

    3. pɹɐʍoɔ snoɯʎuouɐ

      Re: Made it here first!

      "Made it here first! "

      this is el Reg not youtube, you don't a read hart icon from the OP for rushing to the comments before viewing content....

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Made it here first!

      > Jenko: Pound of marijuana?

      >

      > Schmidt: Best party ever!

      Unless you're one of the people who has a really bad reaction to it.

  2. diver_dave

    Similar.

    Again in the 80's...

    Was installing Christmas lights in Watford town center. Big heavy buggers (no LED back then) so catinery wires required.

    Working on the roof I had to hop over a dwarf wall to get where I needed to anchor the cable.

    5 minutes later I was pinned to the gravel floor by three of her Majesties finest being shouted at.

    Probably should have told Lloyds first!

    DaveA

    1. TRT Silver badge

      You should see the state of the town centre now!

      1. diver_dave

        Haven't been back in years.

        Gravel/concrete roofs hurt!

        1. TRT Silver badge

          If it was the Lloyds in the middle of the High Street with the Georgian facade, that facade is all that is left. They've totally removed everything behind it, including the building itself, Charter Place (brutalist two storey concrete 60s open mall), all the way back to the YMCA tower, and all up the High Street to the back of the Palace Theatre. All gone and replaced with a steel and glass canopy and an extension to the shopping centre.

          The bank, the roof and everything in it is now probably no more than a pile of hardcore waiting in some depot somewhere to become part of a new roadbed.

          1. diver_dave

            That's the one.

            Accessed via Charter Place next to Allsports. Up onto the roof and walk round. I suppose carrying a drill with a bloody great bit in it didn't help much..

            Just to show my age. I do remember Cordelles before Charter Place existed, and throwing washing up liquid in the fountain outside C&A.

            Last time I was there I got lost driving from Rickmansworth to North Watford. What the ***! have they done to Rickey Rd.....

            1. TRT Silver badge

              Christ on a bike. Cordells? That's a long way back. The council never learned about putting public water features in Watford. You just don't do it. Between 1996 and 2006, they had a circular trough filled with large stone Scrabble letters just near the flyover. Regularly got a box of Sudso thrown into it, and they had to fill the gaps in-between the Scrabble letters with concrete after some kid got their foot stuck in it; so for years it just resembled the aftermath of a fire at a Mattel warehouse. Then there was a drinking fountain outside the nightclubs, which got used as a post for drunks to wee against. And an inverted glass canopy, which filled up with leaves and rain until the grass cracked under the weight. The history of Watford High Street is a sad catalogue of how not to do things, and has so far cost the council around £30-50m in major public work programmes over the last 25 years. As for the cycle lane in the bottom half of the High Street next to Boots... Within a minute of the works van driving away, the lane was full of cars parked up. Now they have divided it off from the road using bollards; it's full of pedestrians instead so cycles still can't use it safely.

              Ricky Road is pretty much as it always was, apart from the Bus Green Route sections which were designed by a friend of mine but not properly implemented (they never put in the sensors and emitters to flip the lights on demand by an approaching bus instead of simply on a timing circuit). Yet another half-completed intelligent infrastructure project that failed. The ones that work never get noticed because they work. The ones that don't work get in the news and give the public and councils a bad idea about Smart City technology.

              1. juice

                Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                If you stood far back enough and craned your neck up, it appeared to be two whale-tails sticking up into the sky.

                Anyhow, being at the "budget shop" end of town, the water-fountain was generally covered by foot or so of bubbles, with an empty bottle of cheap shampoo floating somewhere underneath all the froth.

                These days, it's been filled in and planted with various plants and bushes, which isn't quite as fun...

                1. TRT Silver badge

                  Re: Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                  I remember the fish tanks and aviaries of the old Arndale shopping complexes in Bolton and Manchester.

                  1. juice

                    Re: Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                    As an increasingly decrepit ex-Boltonian, I can vaguely remember the two water features in the town hall square - basically giant octagonal concrete paddling pools with a couple of water jets in the middle, and I can remember splashing around in them as a wee nipper.

                    (in fact... http://www.bolton.org.uk/fountains.html)

                    Saldy (?), they've long since been demolished, though the stepped-pyramid fountains either side of the town hall are still present. And in searching for photos of the old water features, the second link in the search results indicates that people are still very much behaving as they ever did...

                    http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/15238897.Pranksters_fill_town_centre_fountain_with_bubbles/

                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                  Boscome near Bournemouth in Dorset used to have a water sculpture as well, which suffered the same fate.

                  Now they have a proper police box/TARDIS

                3. PAKennedy

                  Re: Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                  Sunderland had one of those on the sea front. The most foam I ever saw was when someone got hold of a fire brigade 5 gallon container of foaming solution and dumped it in. You couldn't see where the fountain was. Sadly, that one is also gone.

                  1. ridley

                    Re: Sheffield had a water-fountain/sculpture thing...

                    Mmmm 5 gallon you say. Some might say that being that specific might imply.....

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