back to article Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

New research from India into Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal tilt has concluded that, yes, it is physically impossible and dancers should really stop trying to recreate it because Achilles tendon and spinal injuries are not fun. The paper, "How did Michael Jackson challenge our understanding of spine biomechanics?" published …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's all well and good but did they find out what happened to Annie?

    1. Aladdin Sane

      Annie lost his shit and murdered younglings.

      1. John Sanders
        Pint

        There...

        You win the beer this week X-D

    2. Bad Beaver

      Annie is ok.

    3. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
      Megaphone

      She was hit by, struck by, a smooth criminal.

      1. hplasm
        Coat

        Annie?

        "She was hit by, struck by, a smooth criminal the owner of some social media operation."

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I always feel like, Annie is watching meeeee!

      And I have no privacy.

    5. DavCrav

      She ran into the bedroom, but it didn't go well for her.

    6. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      >did they find out what happened to Annie?

      I don't know, I'm still trying to get Diana clean, she's so dirty

      1. Stumpy
        Joke

        Korev wrote:

        I don't know, I'm still trying to get Diana clean, she's so dirty

        Yes, the French authorities really need to clean out their road tunnels...

        ... what? too soon?

  2. Steve K

    Bad

    Achilles tendon and spinal injuries are not fun.

    No - in fact they are Bad, Bad - really Bad (Ow!)

    1. Jay Lenovo
      Headmaster

      Re: Bad

      The tilt was just a lie?

      Now I have to wonder if the crotch grab activated some kind of go-go gadget moonwalk.

  3. DailyLlama

    I was expecting lots of Off the Wall comments, but nothing like this Thriller...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Beat it with the cheesy puns.

      1. ElectricFox
        Coat

        Some of these dance moves are So Dangerous...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          You are not alone thinking its not black or white.

          1. Haku

            All you people slinging bad puns around like there's no tomorrow, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

          2. PipV

            If you're gunna be starting something,

            you should remember the time and maybe keep it in the closet.

            1. Korev Silver badge
              Coat

              Re: If you're gunna be starting something,

              Why, we're Just Good Friends

        2. FrogsAndChips Silver badge

          Re: dance moves are So Dangerous

          they'll only bring Blood on the Dance Floor...

          1. sisk
            Coat

            Re: dance moves are So Dangerous

            You Are Not Alone if you tire of Bad puns with Michael Jackson songs. It's enough to make you want to Scream, but hey, at least it's not the Man In The Mirror making the puns, right?

            Yes, I'm going. I've Got To Be There you know....

  4. Andrew Moore

    This is one of those "unsolved mysteries that was actually solved decades ago"...

    1. TonyJ

      @Andrew... the shoes etc were known about, for sure. What has become apparent, (from listening to the radio yesterday) is just how much core and spinal strength is required and what damage can be caused.

      1. Killfalcon Silver badge

        Yeah - the news here is that the shoes themselves aren't enough for most trained dancers - you also need a lot of core strength and ankle support.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "you also need a lot of core strength"

          ...relative to your body mass because the inverse cubed law applies here, and Michael Jackson didn't have much body mass.

          Light people are relatively stronger, in proportion to their mass, than heavy people, so the strongest weightlifter might be able to raise a far greater absolute mass than a comparatively fit skinny person but they'd struggle to manage a couple of pull-ups/chin-ups. The skinny person, on the other hand, would be able to do the pull-ups/chin-ups with relative ease but wouldn't be able to lift anywhere near the same absolute mass as the weightlifter.

          1. Aladdin Sane

            Which is why abs on skinny guys don't count.

            1. Eddy Ito

              But everyone has abs. Not wanting to show off, I keep my six pack well hidden behind a quarter keg.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                six-pack

                I keep mine well-insulated!

                1. Locky

                  Re: six-pack

                  I have an awesome 6 pack, but I've lost the little plastic thing that holds them all together

                  1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

                    Re: six-pack

                    "I have an awesome 6 pack, but I've lost the little plastic thing that holds them all together"

                    It's probably ended up at sea and is now slowly stranglaterizing a poor seal. You evil bastard!

          2. disgruntled yank

            skinny and bulky

            That could be true at the limits--I've never considered what the Olympic weightlifter types can manage in the way of chin-ups. On the other hand, I imagine that if I were to take a sample of 6' Marines weighing 220 lb and 6' distance runners weighing the canonical 144 lb (2 lb x inch of height), the jarheads would manage considerably more chin-ups.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: skinny and bulky

              I imagine that if I were to take a sample of 6' Marines weighing 220 lb and 6' distance runners weighing the canonical 144 lb (2 lb x inch of height), the jarheads would manage considerably more chin-ups.

              I'm sure you're right. But particularly because when told to do so, the jarheads would go "SIr!YesSir!" and get stuck in, whereas the distance runners would look puzzled and ask "Why the eff would I want to spend an hour or even five minutes doing chin ups?"

              However, the Marines WOULD take part in a distance race, and then look puzzled as the (probably) Kenyans* disappeared in a cloud of dust. Horses for courses. And if I was going to be rescued from terrorist kidnap, I'd want the marines rather than Wilson Kipsang.

              * Other nationalities of distance runner also available, enquire for further details.

              1. 2Nick3

                Re: skinny and bulky

                If asked to run with 40 pounds of gear the Marines would look at you like "Is that all?" while the marathoners would say "No."

                Heck, even if asked to carry the marathoners the 26.2 miles the Marines would just ask what you want them to do with the other half of their day (14 hour duty day, ~4mph march speed, with a couple of water breaks).

              2. Oblamo BinLyen

                Re: skinny and bulky

                Marines will do their run with a full load. Air Force will ask...'run'?

                AF 66-70

            2. Allan George Dyer

              Re: skinny and bulky

              Rather than Marines vs. distance runners at chin-ups, you could try Marines vs. Rings gymnasts at chin-ups. Specialist vs generalist, it all depends on whether the competition is the specialist's speciality.

              How about Marine in a pentathlon? The Marines have the training for everything except the equestrian show jumping.

              1. Aladdin Sane

                Re: skinny and bulky

                Marines would beat crossfitters, because crossfit reps don't count.

              2. onefang

                Re: skinny and bulky

                "How about Marine in a pentathlon? The Marines have the training for everything except the equestrian show jumping."

                You might need Canadian Mounties for that.

          3. Alistair
            Coat

            Light people are relatively stronger, in proportion to their mass, than heavy people, so the strongest weightlifter

            Hmmmm is that why he worked so hard to be lighter..........

          4. King Jack
            Coat

            ...relative to your body mass

            When failing to do ONE pull up I tried using that excuse, but girls still aren't impressed.

          5. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            > "Light people are relatively stronger, in proportion to their mass, than heavy people..."

            Surely this can't be true? Assuming a similar skeleton and the same percentage of fat then organ weight will be constant and so any additional weight will be muscle and so they must be "stronger" (depending on how you want to define strength).

            Unless you're just saying they're all fat?

            1. Eddy Ito

              Surely this can't be true? Assuming a similar skeleton and the same percentage of fat then organ weight will be constant and so any additional weight will be muscle and so they must be "stronger" (depending on how you want to define strength).

              The problem with muscle is that it gets stronger in proportion to the cross sectional area but the weight goes with the volume. Also a stronger musculature will necessarily require a stronger skeletal frame to withstand the increased stress which also adds weight so a slight person will have both lighter muscles and a lighter skeleton. As to their organ weight, it too will be different because both their caloric and pulmonary requirements to sustain their frame and musculature will differ substantially as well as their overall blood volume. So even if we assume their activity levels and fat percentages are even the balance equation changes simply so the person with more muscle doesn't break their own bones. It's why Superman is the man of steel, he kinda has to be.

              I give you the ridiculous comparison: ants (~10 mm long) can lift 20-30 times their own weight but it's only because they are tiny. A man sized ant wouldn't survive because it wouldn't be able breathe adequately much less lift it's own weight. In the same way a human (say 1.75 m, 75 kg) who can lift their own weight shrunk to ant size would be able to lift 175 times their weight but would be blind in a sense as they would only see wavelengths near the X-ray band. Sorry for ruining all those '50s & '60s B movies.

              In short, yes, more muscle equals more strength but the associated support infrastructure that goes with it also necessarily changes.

  5. Aaiieeee
    Angel

    I could probably do it with some skiis

    1. Kevin Johnston

      Meh, too much of a bind doing it that way

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Alternatively, reinforced clown shoes.

      1. UncleNick

        c.f. Little Titch, and his ever-popular "Big Boot Dance"?

        1. FlossyThePig

          c.f. Little Titch, and his ever-popular "Big Boot Dance"?

          You beat to it.

          MJ didn't pick his hat up like Little Titch.

        2. Sgt_Oddball
          Headmaster

          Now that's a reference I never thought I'd read when talking about the most amazing man who ever lived....

      2. hplasm
        Boffin

        Re: reinforced clown shoes

        Do not, ever, mess with a reinforced clown.

        That is all.

        (edit: where is the Trump icon? )

        1. Aladdin Sane

          Re: reinforced clown shoes

          El Reg has the best Trump icon, simply the finest. CNN will tell you that there is no Trump icon, but that's fake news.

  6. Nevermind
    Pint

    Bah

    Beer option - consume enough and let the world do the 45 deg trick for you. None of that flinging yourself around/special trick malarkey.

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