Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom I like to hang out in company toilets. That's not to say I linger long after the shake-off – I'm no washroom loiterer – but I do enjoy the visit. It's because I am curious. As an itinerant freelancer, my work takes me to a variety of tech-savvy business premises. And while small companies each have their own style of office …
I find the dinner / tea debate an oddity, and other peoples experiences may differ of course.
I've worked all around the UK, and I find it interesting that even in the North, when in the office, the meal in the middle of the day tends to get referred to as lunch. But start talking about meals outside of office hours, and it's back to dinner and tea, no such thing as lunch.
People seem to have office speak mode, and then their off-duty, back home, with friends mode.
Just an observation. (and for ref, I'm a born and bred notherner).
"She has dinner at midday and tea at 4pm so that you're starving by the time you go to bed. Mind you, she gets up at 3am or something stupid like that."
The hours I keep are crazy sometimes. Brekky is the first meal I have after waking up. Tucker is the last one before bed, not counting snacks. Brunch I've heard about.
"I wonder if it's the same people who pronounce scones as scones instead of scones. Crazy people."
And it's so easy to remember. Just memorise this helpful verse:
I asked a waitress in Athlone to bring to me a buttered scone./The silly girl has been and gone and given me a buttered scone.
Some of the signs I've seen over the years:
Warning whomever is self pleasuring themselves AND leaving behind their magazines that they WILL be caught and severely dealt with;
Warning males that the female toilets are for females only;
A reminder that the urinals aren't meant for shitting in;
A reminder explaining that it's unhygienic to leave your number two on the window shelf...now bearing in mind that said windows were about 8 feet off the ground, it was presumably also a falling risk!
And not in the bathroom, but in the kitchen area, a sign asking people to use the microwave to boil milk, not the kettle.
Signs I've seriously considered leaving for the people I share facilities with:
"The oldest man made machine in the world is very probably the hinge, which likely predates the wheel. From a simple flap of hide to the machined pin and socket affair of today, the hinge is an elegant and simple answer to the problem of how to move things out of the way so they can be moved back again reliably. This toilet seat is fitted with such a device. Use it. "
"Spreading fecal matter around the area to mark territory is normal behavior if you are a Hippopotamus. If you are a human being it is not. Stop shitting on the floor you assclown."
"If you look into this toilet bowl and see something other than water, you haven't finished flushing."
"If your toilet ritual involves shitting on the floor and then treading in the feces so you can walk it all over the floor, why not consider shitting outside with the rest of the animals?"
"If your toilet ritual involves flushing half a roll, try flushing it down in stages. Remember: If you jammed the plumbing three times in a row, chances are good the laws of physics are working against your bizarre behaviour."
"Please flush before using this toilet. Alternately, please find either a different Indian Restaurant in which to eat your weekly curry as judging by the evidence of the last month they are trying to kill you. Either way, stop leaving the contents of your bowels for everyone else to enjoy."
"If you have found the toilet jammed up and filled with the contents of the Indian Food Gourmet's bowels, flushing again will not end well for anyone. Please stop doing it you moron."
@Stevie: I nearly S*%t myself laughing from your post. I used to be a janitor quite a few years ago, and I've encountered nearly all of those. (There was the one time when I walked in and someone must have had to figure out how to bring an elephant in, because the pile of matter in the bowl came up almost to the seat. Then there was the time some druggie decided to cut themselves pretty good or so something, because there was enough blood on the (thankfully, tile) floor that I dumped the industrial 'destroys ALL LIFEFORMS' grade cleaner straight out of the jug on the floor and let it sit for a couple minutes before mopping that disaster up.
All in all, I think the best 'clever' sign was over the urinals in the men's room of one of the clients I went to when I was doing small business server support: "We aim to please. Aim too, please."
Then there was the time some druggie decided to cut themselves pretty good or so something, because there was enough blood on the (thankfully, tile) floor that I dumped the industrial 'destroys ALL LIFEFORMS' grade cleaner straight out of the jug on the floor and let it sit for a couple minutes before mopping that disaster up.
DNAHIKT you shouldn't underestimate how much blood can be habitually released by chronic Nobbies. No excuse for not cleaning up after yourself though.
Most people I ever worked with in offices gave a passable impression of adult humanity. Teh Toiletz tell another story, sadly.
And of course the obligatory signs warning people that hot water comes out of the hot tap - who'd have thought!
Ours here are also liberally decorated in signs eschewing the virtues of using the hand-dryer over the paper towels due to the environmental impact of paper towels. Of course, it'd help if the hand dryer fitted in each set of toilets didn't have the power and drying capability of a snoring field-mouse...
Although in the office bogs here there's mixer taps, which if the previous user has flowed hot water then proceed to flow residual hot water for a couple of seconds from the pipework even if you open the cold tap.
You very quickly learn to give it a moment between turning on the tap and actually putting your hands into the water stream, as the hot water heating here is all too efficient.
"Ours here are also liberally decorated in signs eschewing the virtues of using the hand-dryer over the paper towels due to the environmental impact of paper towels."
Hand-dryers are now being accused of being very efficient microbiological dispersing devices. Paper towels seem to be back in favour. Your place of work needs to catch up.
"Hand-dryers are now being accused of being very efficient microbiological dispersing devices. "
Our office introduced Dyson "blade" dryers as a solution to queues for the conventional hot air dryers. The experiment was eventually discontinued. Presumably there were many complaints that it left your finger tips too sensitive to use a mouse or keyboard for a while afterwards. A small tiled room is also not a good place to put a device with the apparent decibels of a 747 taking off.
I believe that Dyson has pointed out that if you wash your hands with soap and water (following, of course, the posted health department instructions on how to properly effect this activity) before using their dryers, there should be no microbiological items to disperse.
I believe that Dyson has pointed out that if you wash your hands with soap and water (following, of course, the posted health department instructions on how to properly effect this activity) before using their dryers, there should be no microbiological items to disperse."
Because I'm on the road a lot, I often stop off at motorway services for a pee (never anything more!) and it's quite amazing how many people either don't wash their hands at all, or just sprinkle a little water on them then waft them under the dryer. Surprisingly, it's often the sort of people in expensive suits, probably driving expensive cars and are too self-important to observe the rules of the road. (and I'm not just talking about the young wolves salesmen type, these are often older executive types!)
Ah, Dyson. Manufacturer of gimmicky mock-premium tat manufactured in the South East Asia after this self-publicising "British" success story shut down their factory in England.
Run by odious, tax-avoiding ***** who supported Brexit so he can use it as an excuse to turn the United Kingdom into a low tax, race-to-the-bottom, bargain-basement tax haven.
On the other hand, once his chums have succeeded in reducing the UK to the level of Malaysia, he can open up his factory in England again.
F****** vermin.
No wonder you posted anonymously. Here in Dysonshire (aka Wiltshire) we recognise that moving the manufacturing off-shore enabled the maintenance of a degree of competitiveness.
You should look at the number of engineers employed by Dyson in the UK really ADDING VALUE by inventing stuff. He's opened an engineering university because he can't find enough and is now using his battery nous to work on a battery powered car.
And I don't think he is a tax dodger - based on the amount of investment in the UK made by him and his company.
"I don't think he is a tax dodger - based on the amount of investment in the UK made by him and his company."
2005 - Tory right-wingers' favourite the Daily Telegraph endorses Dyson's closure of the Wiltshire factory by claiming that "the lower production costs mean the company pays more corporation tax".
2017 - James Dyson calls for corporation tax to be scrapped.
"Here in Dysonshire (aka Wiltshire) we recognise that moving the manufacturing off-shore enabled the maintenance of a degree of competitiveness."
Is that the view of those Dysonshire-ites who lost their jobs as well?
"No wonder you posted anonymously."
Full name and details from you first, please. I *do* apologise if your birthname is actually "Floydian Slip".
Regardless of your opinion of Mr Dyson, the guy sure knows how to fold cardboard.
The therapeutic effects of deconstructing the packaging of one of his ball-hoover-thingummies shouldn't be underestimated.
I swear someone at his company must be a 10th Dan origami Zen grandmaster.
According to this 2012 Indy article ( https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/the-billionaires-who-do-pay-their-bills-including-james-dyson-and-jk-rowling-7873607.html ) Dyson was one of the biggest payers of (personal) tax in the UK. It may be that he runs his businesses for maximum tax "efficiency" whilst "being like us" for his personal affairs. Or, I guess, it may be out of date and he's now offshoring with the rest of them ...
And of course the obligatory signs warning people that hot water comes out of the hot tap - who'd have thought!
Quite a common one, and obviously covering health and safety and trying to prevent scalding 'accidents' and subsequent 'opportunistic' claims...
What boggles my mind, is the number of places I've seen the warning yet running the tap for up to ten minutes produces no hot water whatsoever - convinced it's some sort of zen or a version of 'beware of the dog' when there isn't one (or it was put down years ago).
"And of course the obligatory signs warning people that hot water comes out of the hot tap"
It was queried at our workplace about the much too hot water being wasteful.
The answer is that hand comfortable temperature hot water plumbing is a good breeding ground for Legionaire's Disease.
You are correct. However, all the (AFAIK legal) framework and advice currently mixes up the "heat standing water to +50 degrees" and "flush running water frequently" to "flush and run all water at 50 degrees"... forgetting that most places got rid of standing hot water tanks 20 years ago. :(
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