For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.
German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way
Weekend shoppers can now add trolley rage to the list of reasons to avoid their local IKEA store after an altercation in southeastern Germany ended up with a visit to hospital. The fracas in Eching, on the outskirts of Munich, reported in Bavarian local papers Echinger Zeitung and Merkur began with an argument over which …
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Monday 14th May 2018 13:07 GMT Rich 11
Eternal sentence
My fear is that I will have to spend the afterlife in a bog-standard chain-decorated coffee shop packed full of vacuous jabbering idiots, using a flaky 1993 laptop to connect to a shoddy wi-fi hotspot and forced to read YouTube comments forever.
After ten minutes of that I will be begging for the red-hot trident. I can't stand the smell of coffee.
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Monday 14th May 2018 13:28 GMT Wyrdness
Just to be utterly and pointlessly pedantic, shouldn't that actually be Hel not Hjell? Hel being the Scandinavian goddess who somehow gave her name to the fiery pits of Christian mythology.
However, I do get your point and I can imagine the flaming pits of whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it being ablaze with flat-packed bookcases and other quality MDF items.
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Tuesday 15th May 2018 12:58 GMT John Brown (no body)
"And an eternity assembling things, only to find a key component is missing..."
Oddly, that was part of the plot of a Big Finish Dr Who audio book I just listened to last week. Mel and the Doctor had to recover a number of "treasures", one of which was the "perfect" self assembly shelf which Mel and her pal had to assemble, but the parts kept slipping in and out of an alternate dimension, even after being assembled.
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Tuesday 15th May 2018 18:53 GMT Alterhase
Re: "Open another queue"
>>> Perhaps Aldi are trying to cut yet more corners by encouraging shoppers to step forward and man more checkouts themselves.
Aldi is behind the times -- many Safeway grocery stores in our area have "self-checkouts" where you get to scan the items yourself and then wait several minutes for a store clerk to come over to reset the terminal when something goes wrong, as happens in about half the cases....
Ahh, progess!
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Monday 14th May 2018 13:19 GMT Teiwaz
Don't have the Aldi rice pudding
There are several near me (and about as many Asda),
Why anyone would suffer long queues in Aldi if there's an alternative is beyond me, especially after trying the rice pudding *
* label scarily close to the label of a quality tinned custard product, but is actually filled with a milky substance with about a half handful of rice - should actually be labelled 'milky soup'.
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Monday 14th May 2018 12:48 GMT Pete 2
Smiles in the aisles
Two of the most tedious "sports" in the world are cycling and motor racing. Watching the competitors going round ..... and round ....... and round ..... and round a circuit. Sometimes for hours on end.
However if IKEA was ever given the commission to design the routes, then these "sports¹ " might actually provide some entertainment.
[1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology employed (and by extension: the amount of money spent). IMHO a proper sport would pit person against person or team against team, where the only differentiators were their individual/group skills and their level of physical fitness. That isn't to deny that these competitors have physical fitness and skill - just to point out that these attributes alone are only small factors in determining who wins.
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Friday 1st June 2018 11:28 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Smiles in the aisles
"So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a pig's bladder round a patch of grass is considered sport then?"
That I might watch if it was real 'Prima Donna's' and a real 'Pig's Bladder' !!!!
Its 'Football' that I generally cannot stand :)
More and more the team with the most money wins.
Most sports seem to be heading that way.
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Monday 14th May 2018 14:31 GMT Stoneshop
Re: Smiles in the aisles
Well last time I looked, things like the Tour de France or the World Rally championships, didn't go round and round and round and round.
Actually, the Tour de France did, initially. Just one lap, but they ended where they started.
One participant in the Iron Butt Rally, a motorcycle endurance event over eleven days and involving checkpoints roughly at the four corners of the continental US, asked on finishing "How many laps was this thing again?"
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Monday 14th May 2018 17:13 GMT DJO
Re: Smiles in the aisles
For all those who think F1 is easy and say "anybody could win in the Merc".
Around the UK there are a few F1 simulators open to the public for "racing" sessions. While they might not replicate the experience 100% they are pretty close*.
Have a go on one of them and then tell me driving a F1 car is easy.
* Much much easier, no 200 settings on the steering wheel, automatic gears (optional), no tyre wear, etc, etc...
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Wednesday 16th May 2018 08:12 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Smiles in the aisles
”[1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology”
Undoubtedly, you have never tried neither of the sports you mention, let alone practiced them. Still, you boldly comment on them knowingly and intentionally insult people training hard to accomplish something far beyond your aptitude.
Well done, sir!
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Monday 14th May 2018 13:58 GMT Anonymous Coward
I had the pleasure of installing a Telecom system into their contact centre in Peterborough. They'd given us a test login to their phone system and I sat there testing next to all the other workers. The phone screen kept flashing so I kept hitting the hang up button, little did I know that they'd forgotten to take off the inbound call skill for customer calls and I was cutting of people phoning in.
Only reason I did know was that I answered a call thinking it was a test call and found a customer on the other end. Managed to get them transferred to an agent and then logged out rapidly. I've no idea how many people I hung up on..
Biting the hand that feeds IT
