back to article That long-awaited Mark Zuckerberg response: Everything's fine! Mostly fixed! Facebook's great! All good in the hoodie!

Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, has broken his silence about his data gathering and advertising firm's unforeseen role in data gathering and advertising. On Wednesday, Zuckerberg provided "an update on the Cambridge Analytica situation," a reference to the UK-based data analytics firm's alleged use of 50 million Facebook …

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  1. DeKrow
    Holmes

    Nothing to see here folks, sorry that the curtain got lifted a little, we're weighing it down a bit heavier now. We don't want third parties using the kind of power that we've been working for years towards leveraging.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Nothing to see here folks, sorry that the curtain got lifted a little, we're weighing it down a bit heavier now.

      Only to have the weight accidentally rip the whole curtain down and showing everything.

      /CanOfWorms

    2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Nothing to see here folks, sorry that the curtain got lifted a little,

      Indeed.

      Also, while we know how much did Facebook "Shared and Cared", how much did UK Department of Defence, MI5, MI6 and GCHQ share. After all this lovely, moral and proper company called Cambridge Analytica had List X access courtesy of its parent company being List X cleared:

      https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/mar/21/mod-cambridge-analytica-parent-company-scl-group-list-x

      It is so improper and unfair. Such persecution of the tool we use to f*** up the democratic process elsewhere. No, we never ever rig other country's elections. Spare the thought...

      1. Danny 2

        That helps explain why the ICO still doesn't have a warrant to visit Cambridge Analytica, while TV shows boxes of documents and backups being evacuated.

        I wonder which government ministers got the beautiful Ukrainian women.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          That helps explain why the ICO still doesn't have a warrant

          It will not have one. I do not often agree with Putin and Co, but they had a point in yesterday's diplomatic briefing at their ministry of Foreign Affairs yesterday: UK Government has a track record in hiding, falsifying and doctoring evidence to erase the traces of its involvement. This case is one of many.

      2. ToastandMarmite

        That isn't how List X works, it doesn't give blanket List X status to the company, all it's sites and subsidiaries. If CA didn't receive their own List X accreditation, then they shouldn't have had any involvement with that MoD contract.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Meh

      Re: Nothing to see here folks

      We don't want third parties using the kind of power that we've been working for years towards leveraging.

      Certainly not people paying cheap seat academic researcher rates for the data and then flogging it on. They will be paying the full commercial rates for it like everyone else.

    4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      I see the picture and I think...

      What, me worried?

      Noooo.

      He got the users to hand over a shedload of their personal details to them and the stockholders to hand over a tonne of cash for a business that's basically a server farm in assets and whose dividend policy has a P/E ratio measured in centuries.

      Why wouldn't he think he could hand any random stranger a plate of dog poo and get them to eat it?

      He already has. Twice.

    5. Mage Silver badge

      We don't want third parties using

      except when they pay us enough and we are sure they won't get caught.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'Irish Regulator (@DPCIreland) saw a "satisfactory response" in 2012 by Facebook'

    Lets be clear what 'satisfactory' means to a country who has utterly prostituted itself for US tech giants. German-data-protection-federal-commissioner: - 'Of course Facebook would go to a country with the lowest levels of data protection. It’s natural they would choose Ireland.' Unfortunately, the new Data Protection Bill 2018 will reinforce that view":

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    https://www.irishtimes.com/business/technology/privacy-rights-it-s-natural-facebook-would-choose-ireland-1.3400531

    https://www.irishtimes.com/business/technology/independence-of-data-protection-commissioner-questioned-1.2513682

    http://www.thejournal.ie/data-protection-commissioner-new-office-1488473-May2014/

    https://qz.com/162791/how-a-bureaucrat-in-a-struggling-country-at-the-edge-of-europe-found-himself-safeguarding-the-worlds-data/

    https://qz.com/993995/how-facebooks-fb-sheryl-sandberg-personally-lobbied-irish-prime-minister-enda-kenny-as-shown-by-2014-emails-published-in-the-irish-independent/

  3. beep54
    Devil

    It is interesting that MZ seems to have stepped up his sale of FB shares recently. Wonder why?

    1. Aynon Yuser

      I believe you're wondering about the term "insider trading".

    2. LucreLout

      It is interesting that MZ seems to have stepped up his sale of FB shares recently. Wonder why?

      In fairness to the annoying, smug, irritating, mostly irrelevant, millenial tw@, if I owned a company worth £500Bn ish, I'd be gradually flogging it off and diversifying. Just in case something I knocked up at college to help me get laid doesn't turn out to be as critical for society as it was for my college days.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
        Trollface

        He didn't have time to get laid in college ; he was too busy stealing other people's code to make FaceBook.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

    He can go back to his robots, pushing indigenous people off their Islands, and voyeuristically looking at Puerto Rican's suffering. If users won't close their Facebook accounts, then disengage from the platform / lose less time on there. Make it harder for sociopath Zuk to pretend to his Ad pals that FaVebook is still growing. Zuk: users are 'dumb fucks' - Time to resign!

    1. Aynon Yuser

      Re: <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

      He'll voyeuristically watch Puerto Rican children suffer while he does everything he can to protect his offspring. He's so far disconnected from reality. He's a dumb fuck.

      1. jelabarre59

        Re: <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

        He'll voyeuristically watch Puerto Rican children suffer while he does everything he can to protect his offspring. He's so far disconnected from reality. He's a dumb fuck.

        AND he likes bribing county legislators and county executives to get them to tear up a perfectly functional tourist railroad, just so him and maybe three friends can ride a "rail trail".

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

      Why would he go? He has a controlling share in the company that has great profit margins and a compliant board. Oh, and by the way, everybody who used the service agreed to the exfiltration.

      If previous outrages have shown us anything is that we'll see a bit of slacktivism for a bit but the vast majority of people will continue exposing their personal data without a thought.

    3. croc

      Re: <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

      "Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard

      Zuck: Just ask

      Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS

      [Redacted Friend's Name]: What? How'd you manage that one?

      Zuck: People just submitted it.

      Zuck: I don't know why.

      Zuck: They "trust me"

      Zuck: Dumb fucks

      Instant messages sent by Zuckerberg during Facebook's early days, reported by Business Insider (May 13, 2010)"

      A timely reminder...

      1. David Nash Silver badge

        Re: <<< Isn't it time for Kalanick 2.0 to go >>>

        Good point...I always remember the last two lines of that quote, but I think these days the first two are equally important!

  5. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Holmes

    Great minds think alike

    I came up with the same phrase as Zuck!

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect my ass."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect my political ambitions."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect my dosh."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect our marks."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect our data."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect our community."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to protect my golden goose."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to deflect attention."

    "I'm serious about doing what it takes to cover our tracks."

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

    https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/mark-zuckerberg-s-facebook-manifesto-we-read-between-the-lines-1.2979260

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

      People (the liberals in America) still haven't emotionally got over Hillary's loss in 2016, they're clutching at straws, at whoever's available who might potentially depose Trump in 2020.

      The Rock, Oprah, Zucky, Mark Cuban, Biden, Michelle Obama etc.

      1. LucreLout

        Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

        ...they're clutching at straws, at whoever's available who might potentially depose Trump in 2020.

        The Rock, Oprah, Zucky, Mark Cuban, Biden, Michelle Obama etc.

        I could well imagine Michelle Obama beating other contenders in 2020. I think the main decision as to whether she runs is of the twitching corpse of the Clinton machine enters another spasm, and whether her children want the obvious impact of another 8 years in the White House.

        While my politics differ from the Obamas, they deserve the utmost respect for their families conduct in office. I dislike political dynasties intensely - how many Kinnocks do we have to pay for FFS??

    2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

      It's looking great.

      The "guns for hire" which could potentially be available to the competition are getting slaughtered.

      That leaves his own onboard artillery commanding the battlefield once the smoke is cleared.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

      It occurs to me that one way to become president might be after just having four or eight years of someone so terrible that people would vote for anyone who isn't a racist grandad.

      If only a billionaire social media boss had some way to swing the result one way or the other...

      1. SundogUK Silver badge

        Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

        I note you concede he may get two terms...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

          I note you note you think anonymous is an an american liberal. At least I think I note that.

        2. Carpet Deal 'em

          Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

          > I note you concede he may get two terms...

          Unless things chase rather bigly on the Democrats' side, Trump'll win 2020 by default.

        3. JohnFen

          Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

          Well, the US has lost its collective mind, so anything is possible. Anything at all.

    4. leenex

      Re: How's that 'Presidential Run' looking now Zuckky?

      Now that Charles Manson is dead, and Anders Behring Breivik has yet to become a cherished Immigrant from Norway, it's looking good.

      Fascistbook would become the new Fox News, and new countries could be invaded on a daily basis.

      No questions answered.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gentle reminder that Facebook Inc also owns Instagram and Whatsapp

    Any privacy issues at Facebook the social media site probably has also affected, in some degrees, Instagram and Whatsapp.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Gentle reminder that Facebook Inc also owns Instagram and Whatsapp

      Not to mention that there's probably a whole lot of data sharing going on between them and the selling of ads, etc.

    2. JohnFen

      Re: Gentle reminder that Facebook Inc also owns Instagram and Whatsapp

      Yep. Any company that Facebook owns can't be trusted to any degree greater than Facebook itself.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just Say No

    Why not just disqualify people with social media accounts from voting? Of course, we'd need an impartial arbiter - I'm available - to decide what qualifies as a social media account. Definitely not ElReg commenters.

  9. Yes Me Silver badge
    Happy

    Terms and Conditions May Apply

    It's a bit old news now, but it's still worth watching the doco movie Terms and Conditions May Apply. Especially the fun part near the end where the film-maker doorsteps Zuck at his home and, er, invades his privacy.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How long can Zuk Perpetuate all the lies...

    Zuck's excuses don't fix anything. The problem is Facebook, not outside parties. FB lies to users that it exists to 'connect them', when everyone else knows this is solely about high-targeted advertising (commercial & political).

    The Problem Is Facebook, Not Cambridge Analytica

    https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2018-03-20/facebook-not-cambridge-analytica-is-the-source-of-the-problem

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      'Lies...'

      "No apology to users, investors or staff over how this incident was allowed to happen by the data policies in place at the time.

      No explanation as to why, after learning its data was being abused like this in 2014, it opted to give the companies a telling off instead of banning them outright.

      No reasoning as to why Facebook failed to inform users their data may have been affected.

      Mr Zuckerberg's words were not an explanation, but a legal and political defence. This company knows it is heading into battle on multiple fronts. "

      ///

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43494337

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 'Lies...'

        Lest we not forget the racial profiling scandal that is still going on, that is linked because that's part of how this is all possible.

        "In fact, the only meaningful change Facebook appears to have made is a cosmetic one: the company renamed “ethnic affinity” to “multicultural affinity” and relocated the category under “Behaviours.” (Previously it was listed under “Demographics.”)"

    2. Mark 85

      Re: How long can Zuk Perpetuate all the lies...

      FB lies to users that it exists to 'connect them', when everyone else knows this is solely about high-targeted advertising (commercial & political).

      We might know it but does the average user know it and understand the ramifications? I seriously doubt it. We could replace FB with "smart phone" and the same would apply. Users either have no clue or don't care.

  11. Andy Mac

    Barn/Stable door?

    I don’t think there’s a door at all. Zuck seems to be standing next to a gaping portal, insisting that there’s no need for one, the horses are fine thank you, and no that’s not them disappearing into the distance.

  12. Winkypop Silver badge
    Devil

    It wasn't us

    Some big boys did it, then ran away...

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who'd a thunk it?

    People spaff out their most personal info to a large corporation who then makes money from it / abuses it!

    Nobody saw that coming.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Who'd a thunk it?

      "Nobody saw that coming."

      Clearly nobody who has an account did.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Intriguing, but still no closer to the whole truth...

    Wonder, how often + what kinds of 'Private Messages' got 'SOLD OFF' etc:

    .

    https://www.rte.ie/news/2018/0321/949029-facebook-data/

    https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/mar/20/facebook-data-cambridge-analytica-sandy-parakilas

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5277695/Former-Facebook-execs-call-company-crime-scene.html

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You can be sure that Zuckerberg's PM's

      Plus his entourage, were securely ring-fenced from the sell-off.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hack >> Breach >> uhh, Breach of Trust??? Yeah, that's it....

    No hack, no data breach, just slurpping up data from survey responders (300,000), and their Friends (50M+). But not the Friends (1B+) of their Friends.

    All according to the terms that FB'ers agreed to.

    But they are still "Shocked!, Shocked!!" they are. As Zuckie says:" they are just "dumb f$%ks" that agree to give away their personal data.

  16. PhilipN Silver badge

    Come on - He's serious. He said so - and more than once!

    Has to, 'cos he's got the sort of face that looks as if he really doesn't give a shit.

    Funny that.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Don't worry Folks, everything is fine"

    said the Captain of the Titanic after it had hit that bit of ice.

    Just say NO to all of the Social Network (sorry Slurping YOUR Life Networks). We had a life before this crap and we should be able to rise up and have one again PFB (Post FaceBook).

    Any accounts or ID's on them purporting to be me are totally fake. I have never even seen a FB login screen and never want to.

    1. Charles 9

      Re: "Don't worry Folks, everything is fine"

      "Just say NO to all of the Social Network (sorry Slurping YOUR Life Networks). We had a life before this crap and we should be able to rise up and have one again PFB (Post FaceBook)."

      Oh? We had life before cars and electricity, too. Thing is, once you reach a certain point, the momentum keeps it from reversing barring something of cataclysmic proportions. Basically, unless Facebook directly causes the loss of a significant percentage of the population, people will see Facebook as too useful to ignore, especially for people for whom it's the ONE AND ONLY form of contact (I speak firsthand on that). And no, various family values preclude ignoring people for whom Facebook is the exclusive contact point.

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