Help me, cloudy-WAN-Ciscobi, my SaaS needs A New Hope

We're doomed

We're doomed, because if there is a cloaked Death Star out there, whose ET high command have been debating whether or not to exterminate the human species ... well, the title for this story has decided matters.

Such excruciatingly lame drivel requires just one answer. We are about to be vaporised.

Unless El Reg can strap the headline writer to a Delta launcher and send him up there as a (perfectly justified) sacrifice. They may do an unpleasant dissection—but in this case it would obviously be deserved.