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Hipster disruptor? Never trust a well-groomed caveman with your clams

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Douglas Adams already pondered thusly...

"MARKETING GIRL:

When you have been in marketing as long as I have, you’ll know that before any new product can be developed, it has to be properly researched. I mean yes, yes we’ve got to find out what people want from fire, I mean how do they relate to it, the image -

FORD:

Oh, stick it up your nose.

MARKETING GIRL:

Yes which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know, I mean do people want fire that can be fitted nasally. "

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Re: Douglas Adams already pondered thusly...

Wonder how Adams would have regarded Pret then?

Take one banana, any banana will do. slice it up into really thin slices, individually wrap each slice and sell them each at twice the cost of the banana.

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Re: Douglas Adams already pondered thusly...

He'd have seen the inverse relationship between thickness of banana slice, and value associated with and launched the 'bananot' - a banana cut into strips so thin, you wouldn't believe they exist other than the fact they come in a gold plated (warning, not real gold, just some yellow paint) presentation box. Only $1000!

Also available is the 'bananot' which comes in the larger box, and so has more room with it, only $2500!

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Re: Douglas Adams already pondered thusly...

+1

I always wondered whether the script for Ford's little outburst had been bowdlerized for broadcast on Radio Four. 'Stick it up your ...' would not ordinarily suggest 'nose' as being the next word. But then, he did come from Betelgeuse.

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Re: Douglas Adams already pondered thusly...

Also available is the 'bananot' which comes in the larger box, and so has more room with it, only $2500!

That would be the 'Bananot+" then?

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Excellent column! Although the "strong" ones would not have moped off, they would have either been given new Slabtops and Mobile Bones to be "product influencers" or have taken them and banned anyone else from using them with the aforementioned strength/religious power...

“One day old Thrashbarg said that Almighty Bob had declared that he, Thrashbarg, was to have first pick of the sandwiches. The villagers asked him when this had happened, exactly, and Thrashbarg said it had happened yesterday, when they weren't looking. 'Have faith,' Old Thrashbarg said, 'or burn!'

They let him have first pick of the sandwiches. It seemed easiest.”

-Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy

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"Old Thrashbarg said that it was the ineffable will of Bob, and when they asked him what "ineffable" meant, he said look it up.

This was a problem because Old Thrashbarg had the only dictionary and he wouldn't let them borrow it. They asked him why not and he said that it was not for them to know the will of Almighty Bob, and when they asked him why not again, he said because he said so."

(isn't it from Mostly Harmless ("the fifth book in the increasingly mistitled HHGTTG trilogy"))

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Turtlenecks, boybeards...

Like the turtleneck shirt joke. Of course all had boybeards in those days, given average life expectancy of 18 yrs.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

Of course all had boybeards in those days, given average life expectancy of 18 yrs.

Not so. As you say, that may have been *average" life expectancy, but infant and child mortality - right up until recently - was hideously high. Survive your childhood, and you had a good chance of living to a ripe old age.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

I'm sure "three score and ten" ( ie: 70 ) is mentioned in the bible as how long people tended to live for.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

The Bible also mentions people living hundreds of years - like Methuselah at 956 years.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

If you make it out of childhood, and weren't starving, then 50-60 is about right for the ancient world. 70 is a ripe old age then.

Victorians, if you strip out infant mortality, had a life expectancy of 70s.

Currently, it's low 80s for the western world.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

The Bible also mentions people living hundreds of years - like Methuselah at 956 years.

New testamant, written mainly in Latin and Greek: 3 score + 10 or if you're lucky 4 score.

Old testamant, written in ancient Hebrew: 956 for Methusala etc. Almost certainly mistranslation/misunderstanding by translaters whose knowledge of Latin and Greek was better than Hebrew.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

I think the old testament writers (along with Norse sagas Greek myths etc.) had what we shall now call a Trumpian relationship with facts. Never let Fake News get in the way of a good rune byte.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

- like Methuselah at 956 years.

Yeah, but he only managed that by necking shedloads of champagne.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

Curious person: " Methuselah, to what do you owe your extraordinary lifespan?"

Methuselah:"Mainly, I owe it to the hall of records burning down forty years ago!" ☺

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

956 might well have been a mistranslation of "ninety-five or -six".

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

"If you make it out of childhood, and weren't starving, then 50-60 is about right for the ancient world. 70 is a ripe old age then."

In Rome you were "senex" at about 44, at which age also you could retire from the army with your plot of land in the colonies.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

"956 might well have been a mistranslation of "ninety-five or -six"."

No, because Hebrew numbers don't work like that. They are not positional.

But there are other religions such as that of the Jains which believe that in the past people lived much longer and were much bigger. I've said it before, will say it again, the original purpose of the Bible was not to be a science textbook of any description.

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

but "who calls it livin' when no woman is given to a man what is 900 years?"

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Re: Turtlenecks, boybeards...

"Methuselah at 956 years"

Societies at that time and place used both a solar and a lunar calendar. 956/12 = 79.67. Quite believable that if it was common for people to live until 70, that one particular individual could make it to nearly 80, and that he would be regarded as exceptionally, indeed legendarily, long-lived.

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Something I've always wondered ...

Why, exactly, do we think of the wheel as a great invention? When you think about it for a second or two, a wheel is pretty bloody useless on it's own.

The really great invention was actually the axle. Sorry, Thor.

That said, never forget CLAMS GOT LEGS!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Something I've always wondered ...

"That said, never forget CLAMS GOT LEGS!"

Now I'll have to kill you :-)

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Re: Something I've always wondered ...

"The really great invention was actually the axle."

The really great invention was the roller (not Roller). Everything else was refinement.

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Pint

Re: Something I've always wondered ...

Beer for you, Jake.

I work with someone with a tenuous (but real) link to JH.

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Re: Something I've always wondered ...

Actually it was the road that went underneath that really made the differnce.

On most unimproved terrain, a travois will outperform a wheelbarrow.

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Re: The really great invention was the roller

I disagree. The really great invention was the Silent Mammoth Whistle, but it was crushed along with the inventor when Gak Eisenberg tested it.

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Re: Something I've always wondered ...

A roller IS an axle ... but then, so is a wheel. Topological tautology.

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LDS
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Joke

They already had a lot of axles....

... they just needed something heavy like the wheel at the extremities - otherwise it was used to hit each other on the head...

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Re: Something I've always wondered ...

Kick him to death ?

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Thumb Up

Awesome -

It builds nicely!*

Best Friday Evar!

Thumbs up for the BC refs, and all the rest!

* (See Spot.. See Spot Run...etc) :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Awesome -

Amazing how many BC jokes still stick in the mind after 45 years.

Dictionary: "Recursion - see recursion"

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Thumb Up

Re: Awesome -

My favourite (can't find it online or I'd link it) is the explanation of golf:

B is playing golf, A stops by to chat

A: Whatcha doin'?

B: Playing golf.

A: What's the object of the game?

B: I'm trying to get this little ball into that cup over there

A: [picks up ball, walks over and drops it in cup] Silly game. [walks away]

oh, and it's spelled, "COVFEFE" :-)

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Boffin

Re: Awesome -

See also tail recursion: http://catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/T/tail-recursion.html

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Re: Awesome -

Yeah! El Reg really ought to bring back up/down votes for the articles :-)

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Very Adams'esque

Nice bit of social commentary Dabbsy, and definite glimpses of Douglas.

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2001

Damn! Now I want to watch the whole film.

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Climate change

Must have been a nifty bit of climate change going on there.

Bananas need warm climate to grow.

Mammoths were known to prefer a more nip hardening climate - a chilly environment was their thing.

So banana and mammoth together quite unlikley (unless we have sceanrios such as mammoth stuck on an ice berg drifting to somewhere warm, iceberg melts and mammoth washed ashore to food bonanza delight of banana munching trogs)

So my suspension o0f disbelief was sadly lost before we got to the silly stuff

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Re: Climate change

Honestly, if I didn't carefully insert these errors, you lot would have nothing to comment on.

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Happy

Re: Climate change

What are you talking about? Mammoth and banana is my favourite ice cream.

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Re: Climate change

you lot would have nothing to comment on

How long have you been slacking-off^W ^W writing round here?

Commentards gonna comment. Otherwise we would have to work too!

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Re: Climate change

"One eats a banana. Another slowly munches the scraps from a mammoth bone"

Where does Mr Dabbs write "woolly mammoth"? Woolly mammoths lived in the chilly north, yes, but their hairless cousins lived throughout Europe, Asia and North Africa.

You know, where bananas grow.

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Pint

Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

"Another tough day at work, eh?"

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Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

Some days, you just know you shouldn't have got out of bed.

:)

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Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

you just know you shouldn't have got out of bed.

Personally, I'm regretting developing opposable thumbs and walking on the ground..

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Happy

Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

"Some days, you just know you shouldn't have got out of bed."

I call them weekdays.

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Pint

Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

Wiley's Bar ... For those times when Callahan's can't help.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

It's much easier to live on trees when you have opposable thumbs - including the feet (we lost it, or never had it)- even birds living on trees had to develop opposable toes...

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Happy

Ahhh...

Lovely.

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