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Shock! Hackers for medieval caliphate are terrible coders

Where have I heard similar before...

Oh yes... we are a(n) {insert laughably inaccurate business model here} company not an IT company... we Integrate we don't Develop...

Sure...

Let me see you integrate that word document mission statement, after all its just joining a few words together in a tool.

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Anonymous Coward

Considering everything else about Daesh

Mostly their positively medieval attitude toward women, I'm surprised they allow themselves to use computers. And phones.

P'raps that's just them being all pragmatic and such.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

Apparently when the first mobile phones were going to be introduced to Iran the Koran had to be read over a test connection to some mumbling bearded halfwit (not sure if the ayatollah or one of his flunkies) so he could be convinced the technology wasn't the work of the devil. The story may well be apocryphal but frankly nothing about this backwards religion surprises me any more.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

It's technically a more modern religion than Christianity (by about six hundred years), but by and large Christians seem to be happier ignoring parts of their faith that get in the way.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

"by and large Christians seem to be happier ignoring parts of their faith that get in the way."

You've never met a Jehovah's Witless or a Seventh Day Pestilence, have you?

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Trollface

"I'm surprised they allow themselves to use computers. And phones."

Any fule kno that all computerz are femail.

At least the ones running Windowz are.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

"but by and large Christians seem to be happier ignoring parts of their faith that get in the way"

If you compare Daesh to the Church of England, maybe. If you compare them to similarly extremist Christian Groups, then probably not.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

"It's technically a more modern religion than Christianity (by about six hundred years)"

Younger != more modern

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

He was referring to Christians.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

frankly nothing about this backwards religion surprises me any more.

I'm not a Muslim myself, but I know enough to know you are basically talking out of your arse.

Apart from the fact that Islam encompasses 23% of the human population, you are equating Islam with Daesh, which is about as Islamic as the KKK is Christian. Oh, and as for 'backwards', you might want to learn a little about the history of science if you think this is the case, since Muslim scholars were responsible for the development of, amongst other things, algebra, invented by this guy, and much of astronomy including technical words still in common use, like zenith and nadir...

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

You've never met a Jehovah's Witless or a Seventh Day Pestilence, have you?

Those are newbies on the religious landscape.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

As I recall (and if not true it should be) one of the great debates in certain parts of the Muslim world was the use of SMS for divorce. Can you send one SMS text saying "Talaq talaq talaq" or were three separate texts, each saying "Talaq" necessary?

Still, we (Christians that is) argued about angels and pin heads. Intelligent people went happily to their execution fire because they did not accept that a wafer and wine would really become the body and blood of Christ. But as a sinner I think indulgences are a great idea.

Is there an app for making a confession, if so is it approved by the Vatican?

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Paris Hilton

Re: "I'm surprised they allow themselves to use computers. And phones."

"Any fule kno that all computerz are femail."

Explains why they never do what I want.

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Mushroom

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

Oh, this severely exaggerated drivel about "Islamic science" again.

For the largest part, what they did was conserve earlier Indian, Greek and Roman knowledge, with very little expanding of it.

Consider this: Jews consist of about 0,3% of the world's population. Nobel prizes won by Jews: 197.

For muslims these figures are 23% and 12.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

It is not true. The so-called "triple talaq" divorce was banned everywhere except India ages ago, and in India was found unconstitutional a couple of months ago.

There is no true confession app in the Catholic tradition, as confession requires a personal dialogue between the person making the confession and the person receiving it.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

Thanks.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

The story might be 'apocryphal'. Thats not going to stop me making a generalisation that is racist and insulting to literally a billion people.

Idiot.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Muslim scholars

Don't fall into the trap laid by some followers of many religions; what you mean is: scholars from the Middle East, who may indeed have happened to be Muslim, but, most importantly, were clever human beings.

The fact that they may have happened to follow, voluntarily or otherwise, a religion (many religions have discriminated against, persecuted, tortured or killed freethinkers), is really quite irrelevant to their genuine scientific achievements and discoveries, and should receive no particular credit.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

The golden age of Muslim science ended in the 13th century. We are in the 21st century now.

When Al-Azhar University in Cairo was asked to condemn Daesh as being un-Islamic, the University refused basically saying Daesh is practising what we teach and preach.

Just compare the punishments in the ISIS penal code and the Saudi Arabian penal code. They are virtually identical.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

"Apart from the fact that Islam encompasses 23% of the human population"

And?

" you are equating Islam with Daesh, which is about as Islamic as the KKK is Christian"

No, its exactly comparable to where christianity was around the time of the crusades. Islamic militancy is not a small extremist group on the fringe of Islam any longer.

"since Muslim scholars were responsible for the development of, amongst other things, algebra, invented by this guy, and much of astronomy including technical words still in common use, like zenith and nadir..."

Their achievements had nothing to do with their religion, they were simply arabic and by default muslim. It wasn't the religion that came up with these discoveries. You might as well say european science was all down to christianity & judaism because most of the scientists were nominally christian or jewish. A ridiculous argument.

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Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

"The story might be 'apocryphal'."

I'm fairly sure its not, but I don't have time to trawl through all the returns for variations on that theme on google to find a link it so I added a caveat.

"Thats not going to stop me making a generalisation that is racist and insulting to literally a billion people."

Islam is a race now, when did this happen? Tell us, what race are muslims exactly? Take your time sonny.

"Idiot."

Its never a good idea to look in the mirror when typing.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

@boltar

Similarly when radio broadcasting became a thing in the last century Saudi religious authorities at first weren't sure if it was haram (forbidden) or halal (allowed). They eventually decided on halal.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Considering everything else about Daesh

by and large Christians seem to be happier ignoring parts of their faith that get in the way.

Well, in Anglicanism, it seems intentionally more flexible- For example, I enjoy being a agnostic churchgoer - I'm just in it for the music and company.

In the US of A, the extremist religious fundamentalists [and we're not talking about Islam here] are quite happy ignoring most of Jesus' teachings (you know, the stuff about love, tolerance, not killing people, etc), and are still fixating on the smiting thing from the Old Testament. Even the reform and conservative Jews have a more "christian" philosophy.

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Anonymous Coward

Isn't Deash's motto

All your goats are belong to us?

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Easy money for black hats then

If these thugs are as inept dealing with the underworld as they are with everything else, They'll be broke, pwned, and wondering what the hell happened in no time.

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If they fail online, do they still get 72 virgins? Or perhaps a commensurate amount, say, 10.

Hear the one about the jihadi who went to see a pantomime? He pledged allegiance to Allahdin.

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Joke

If they fail online, do they still get 72 virgins?

All pudgy, pale, male D&D fans...

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"Hear the one about the jihadi who went to see a pantomime? He pledged allegiance to Allahdin."

Oh no he didn't...

Oh yes he did...

Repeat as desired...

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Re: If they fail online, do they still get 72 virgins?

"All pudgy, pale, male D&D fans..."

Take that back. Some of them play World of Warcraft.

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Re: If they fail online, do they still get 72 virgins?

The government should start an advertising campaign - photo's of 72 spotty fat lads with the tag "Enjoy your virgins".

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"Hear the one about the jihadi who went to see a pantomime? He pledged allegiance to Allahdin."

Oh no he didn't...

Oh yes he did...

Repeat as desired...

Maybe, but think of the fate of poor Puss, stoned to death the moment she comes on stage and before she manages to say her first line....

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Anonymous Coward

No, nobody told that it's actually one 72 year old virgin. SSSSHHH, it's a surprise

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Re: If they fail online, do they still get 72 virgins?

48h virgins.

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Anonymous Coward

That's actually bad news

The fact that they have realized how badly do they suck is bad news.

The next logical step after using existing tools frequented by the criminal "underground" is to start ordering hits on a pay to play basis.

While their main sources of local income are long depleted they still have some money left as well as plenty of sponsors in the Middle East and beyond. As NotPetya and WannaCry showed it does not take a lot to cause some massive damage.

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Don't you caliphate it when that happens

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C'mon, ElReg.

I know the world's ignorant press has been doing it's level best to devalue the word "hacker" for a couple decades now, but could you PLEASE stop calling inept idiots hackers?

atdhvaannkcse

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Devil

Re: C'mon, ElReg.

"could you PLEASE stop calling inept idiots hackers?"

well, Script Kiddies (or s'kiddies if you will) is one name, but that doesn't apply to the Daesh-bags. They're below s'kiddies in the overall ranking of things, I'd imagine. I suppose you could call them something else... so what WOULD be a good name for them?

Daesh-bags is probably fine.

Anything beyond that risks poo-slinging and accusations of 'Islama-phobia' from the SJW's [who are really just helping ISIS exist, every damn time they do that crap]

anyway, joining a radical Islamic cult like ISIS would have a prerequisite of below average intelligence, in my opinion...

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

"world's ignorant press has been doing it's level best to devalue the word "hacker" for a couple decades now"

Have an upvote for the sentiment but I think we just have to accept that battle as lost.

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

Hacker has de facto meant someone who gains unauthorised access to computers since at least the 80s. Its a silly argument, just get over it.

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

@Bombastic Bob

I believe Cyst-ISIS was the winning term - Irritating Twats.

(Courtesy of The Last Leg)

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

On the plus side, it sounds like they're making quantum leaps in their techniques.

Alternative glosses are fun.

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

"Daesh-bags is probably fine."

I prefer "Desh" for the organisation. I play the MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic, and desh is the crappiest lowest-level metal crafting component you can find, good only for the lowest of the low tier crafted weapons and armour, salvaged from piles of scrap metal in the criminal neighbourhoods of the two capital worlds.

And the "Islamophobia" accusations are misplaced, at least against me. I oppose Desh mostly because even on the scale of barbaric behaviour they are uncivilised, and it doesn't matter what their motivation is. There have always previously been collections of, if you like, rules of warfare for terrorists. Concentrate more on military targets, try to give at least some warning of bombs since the *terror* aspect is not diminished by there being enough warning to evacuate a place, and so on. The particular sort of barbarism practised by Desh doesn't respect even those rules even if they were often evident more in the breach than the observance.

Yes, the hard men of Northern Irish terrorism sometimes blew people up with no warning, but it *is* necessary from time to time to demonstrate that they *do* have the will to go through with threats. The hard men of Desh haven't grasped that lesson, whence lorries in crowds and similar.

And no, low intelligence isn't automatically a requirement. The key characteristic is a high susceptibility to fanaticism. Yes, that probably clusters in lower intelligence groups, but certainly not exclusively. (Translation: don't underestimate your opposition.)

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

The particular sort of barbarism practised by Desh doesn't respect even those rules even if they were often evident more in the breach than the observance.

This is a an entirely deliberate strategy. You need to appreciate their motives: they are a doomsday sect. They believe that the global Caliphate will arise only after an apocalyptic showdown between Islam and the non-believers. Their avowed intention is to evoke the highest levels of disgust and abhorrence in order to hasten that showdown.

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

boltar, that group has a collective noun. They are called "crackers'.

Computers are, by definition, literal. So are the terms surrounding them.

The inept idiots described by ElReg are neither hacker, nor cracker.

HTH, HAND

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Re: C'mon, ElReg.

"have to", DrS? I find that to be a trifle defeatist.

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Meh

People who want to kill other people for stupid sky fairy reasons are not clever

Who knew?

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Re: People who want to kill other people for stupid sky fairy reasons are not clever

You are confusing the reason with the justification there.

Like all "religious" conflicts, the actual reasons for the killing are the usual ones; power and resources. Religion is just the tool used to recruit the cannon-fodder.

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Re: People who want to kill other people for stupid sky fairy reasons are not clever

"Religion is just the tool used to recruit the cannon-fodder."

The point is the dumb cannon fodder believe they're on some religious campaign. If these morons didn't exist then the psychopaths behind it all wouldn't be able to cause chaos and death on a mass scale.

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Re: People who want to kill other people for stupid sky fairy reasons are not clever

Jihads, Crusades, Intifadas - they're all the same. Fighting and killing in the name of a deity, usually on the orders of mad old men in dresses.

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Re: People who want to kill other people for stupid sky fairy reasons are not clever

Jihads, Crusades, Intifadas - they're all the same.

Not quite: Intifada was, in its original meaning, a political term with connotations of "rebellion against oppression" (the first Intifada was a socialist protest against the monarchy in Iraq). Of course it is now more strongly associated with the Palestinian struggle against Israeli occupation - which may or may not (depending on who you are talking to, and when) have been hijacked by religious extremists.

Agreed on the others, though.

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