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Microsoft reveals details of flagship London store within spitting distance from Apple's

Anonymous Coward

Homage to Red Dwarf

Subtitle really should have been "Android, everybody needs and Android"

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Trollface

Re: Homage to Red Dwarf

To be fair, the actual quote is " "Androids, everybody needs good Androids..."

... since stalking is nasty and a criminal offence, I'm still waiting to see one of these mythical "good" Androids...

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Re: Homage to Red Dwarf

"I'm still waiting to see one of these mythical "good" Androids"

The *best* android ever:

http://andromeda.wikia.com/wiki/Rommie

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> It also puts it just two minutes' walk – some might say pissing distance

Since this is a technical blog, shall we calculate the pressure required on one's bladder to piss the distance one can walk in two minutes?

We will assume that the walker and the pisser are the same individual, and that walking speed is limited by sheer number of other pedestrians. The pisser is at street level, the nozzle at average height.

For the sake of the sums, we shall ignore wind.

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At Oxford Circus during rush hour, when the station is closed due to overcrowding, and everyone is queued up outside waiting for the gates to re-open, you can walk about 2 - 3 meters in two minutes. I would guess, but I'm obviously not an expert on the subject, that with the optimum aim angle, you could do that at normal bladder pressure.

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Anonymous Coward

If you're going to get technical, you should control for mutilation: Cut/Uncut or public toilet user... (Sprinkler attachment)

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Windows

For the sake of the sums, we shall ignore wind.

"First, assume a spherical cow..."

Gross oversimplification. I'm proud to say that no-one has ever ignored my wind.

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Facepalm

You need to factor in age of the test subject, "plumbing pressure" reduces with age!

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Trollface

I assume no elderly person except rare oddities will venture into this store, so just figure for teen pressure. Except this might be a sanctuary from the hustle and bustle of central London.

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A binary future for the Microsoft shop

1) Offer free gaming. Outcome: A very, very crowded shop full of every scruffy, smelly teenage tourist in town. All jostling, shouting and pushing to have a go on the latest Xbox.

2) Don't offer free gaming. Outcome: A clean, tidy, quiet shop with barely a single visitor each day. And even that visitor only went in because they thought it was the Apple store.

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Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

@Ledswinger

3) Don't forget the tumbleweeds... ya gotta have tumbleweeds!

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TRT
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Re: tumbleweeds

Are they still doing gigs?

Oh, I've got a brand new combine harvester...

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Coat

Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

Hi,

Yes, store will be empty, since most people will be looking through the windows......

Da boom, tshhh.

Regards,

Shadmeister.

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Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

Well, they have to do something to arract the punters... Oh wait, they might not actually sell anything....

Last year, I went to a Mall in Delaware. There was an Apple Store and a Microsoft Store.

The staff in the MS store outnumbered the customers and this was in the middle of a Saturday Afternoon.

Now, if they offered classes in how to remove their slurping from Windows 10 in ways that survived 'updates' I would think the place would be packed out for at least a few weeks at any rate.

If the offer gaming then how is that really an advert for MS? Gamers already know which games are on which platform so they'll go there for the game and buy it from wherever is cheapest in the Internet.

Which leads me to wonder what the income per sq ft of the new store will be. After all they are setting up shop in possibly the most expensive bit of retail real estate in the country.

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Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

There are two local (depending on how far you stretch 'local') Microsoft Stores: one in Boca Town Centre, on Glades Road, exit 45 on I-95 (base is off Southern Blvd, exit 68) and one in Aventura Mall, on Brickell Blvd, nearest I-95 exit is 16, Ives Dairy Road. (Yes, that's 52 miles from Southern...) in both cases there was an Apple Store at the mall before Microsoft showed up. (There are seven Apple Stores in the Dade-Broward-Palm Beach tri-county area: Dadeland Mall, Falls Road, and Aventura, in Dade; Galleria in Broward; and Boca Town Centre, Wellington Green, and Gardens in Palm Beach) In all cases the Apple Store has a lot to far too many customers, while the Microsoft stores have two to three staff per customer, and it's not as if they have a lot of staff. The Microsoft Store in Aventura is on the second level, less than ten meters from the nearest escalator down to the first level; the Apple Store is less than 100 meters from that escalator. The Apple Store is also roughly three times the size of the Microsoft Store and almost certainly makes more money for Microsoft in a month by selling MS Office for Mac than the Microsoft Store makes, total, in a year. The Microsoft Store at Boca is even smaller, less than a quarter the size of the Apple Store at Boca and I can't say for certain that they've actually made a sale. Ever. I suppose that they really must have, but you couldn't prove it by me. There used to be a Dell kiosk at Wellington Green less than fifty meters from the Apple Store; the three guys manning it were very, very, VERY lonely for about 18 months and then it was gone. The Microsoft Stores at Aventura and Boca are not only small, they're close to the food courts at both places... cheaper locations, because of the noise and smells from the food courts. Meanwhile, the Apple Store at Boca moved to larger accommodations, and the Apple Store at Gardens has captured one of its neighbors and is currently being 'expanded'. Apple's paying a lot of money for good locations and seems to be making it back. Microsoft's paying a lot of money for bad locations and looks to be losing much of it.

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Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

Dear James,

Is you RETURN button broke ?

Regards,

Shadmeister.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

"1) Offer free gaming"

Of course it will offer free gaming. No one is going to pay to play?!

"Outcome: A very, very crowded shop"

Easily resolved by a numbers limit / queuing / booking system, and a couple of heavies on the door...

"And even that visitor only went in because they thought it was the Apple store."

Or because they need a proper computer like a Surface Pro / Surface Studio...

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Re: A binary future for the Microsoft shop

"Is you RETURN button broke ?"

How can a return button be out of money? Or did you mean broken?

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Is this where you go to get support for o365 outages?

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On the Surface that might be a good idea

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Aaargh... endless Microsoft puns, I feel like I'm cortana loop...

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Aaargh... endless Microsoft puns, I feel like I'm cortana loop...

You appear to be attempting to write a pun. Would you like some help with that?

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Wintel Products....

Hi,

In the other thread which was "sponsored" : http://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/09/21/intels_take_on_windows_10/

Does this story mean that Microsoft is attempting to emulate Apple - where their OS will only be supported on specific hardware - a slow migration along this route ???

This approach would make OS testing (if any.....) a lot more easier.

Regards,

Shadmeister.

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Anonymous Coward

It's will be just like the Brighton in the sixties with MS fanboys and Apple fanboys having a punch-up, they'll be blood all over Oxford Street.

Well at least I'm safe in the FreeBSD flagship store, it's a garden shed in Skegness.

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Really?

More likely to be tapping away on their phones, tutting to themselves.

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Joke

Well at least I'm safe in the FreeBSD flagship store, it's a garden shed in Skegness.

La-de-dah. I'd be in the Gentoo flagship store, except I haven't yet figured out how to attach the ceiling to the walls, or indeed build the walls.

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@David 132

Walls? We’d be glad to have Walls. Without bricks or mortar. Or walls. I’m in the Arch flagship store. I haven’t worked out how to build the floor yet. It’s very…

…spacey here. As in lots of it. Free, that is. On my hard disk.

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Joke

Much easier on FreeBSD:

pkg install ceiling

it will know that the walls are a dependency and install that too

Having said that, most Linux distros have something similar, but it might be something like apt-get install ceiling or yum install ceiling.

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@katrinab - Arch et. al. sudo pacman -S ceiling (have to be root to install)

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Well at least I'm safe in the FreeBSD flagship store, it's a garden shed in Skegness.

Yes, but what colour is the shed?

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Anonymous Coward

>Yes, but what colour is the shed?

Who do you think we are, Apple ?

We can't afford paint.

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Paris Hilton

Well at least I'm safe in the FreeBSD flagship store, it's a garden shed in Skegness.

Have you seen the Skegness monster?

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"pkg install ceiling

it will know that the walls are a dependency and install that too"

A purist will do...

cd /usr/ports/buildtools/ceiling-no_x11

make install clean

And as with pkg, all dependencies taken care of.

If you need a paint job, you cd /usr/ports/buildtools/ceiling instead :-)

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MJI
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Actually

You can have games there as well.

Playstation.

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Joke

MS fanboys?

Both of them?

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TRT
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I'm more concerned about this decor...

An 8-bit palette of eye-watering intensity and if they have shelves or pegs for accessories then they'll be arranged (no choice) alphabetically with a helpful letter "A" to tell you where that section starts.

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Coat

Does this means...

That there will be public viewings for their oh-so-frequent self-inflicted gun-related foot injuries?

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Anonymous Coward

Good idea to do this in London..

.. for the same reason there will probably be one in LA: plenty of cheap out of work actors (commonly referred to as waiters) so it's easy to hire a crowd for any event.

I lack the imagination to make the enormous leap of belief that there will be any other reason for there to ever be a crowd. Windows 11? Office NG? Not a chance. Maybe Xbox will draw some public, but that's about it.

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Last time

My friends went into an Apple store, I waited outside, down the block. I doubt I would even walk on the same street as a MS store.

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Meh

Doubleplus-Meh

Will anyone give a shit? Might as well open a Hotpoint shop or a Dyson shop. Coz whether you like or not and no matter how shiny you make it MS your stuff is white goods.

Actually a Dyson shop would probably have more allure.

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Re: Doubleplus-Meh

The Dyson shop is at the Marble Arch end of Oxford Street

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2016/07/05/dyson-opens-first-uk-store-on-oxford-street/

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Trollface

Re: Doubleplus-Meh

> Actually a Dyson shop would probably have more allure.

Also their product suck less.

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Coat

Re: Doubleplus-Meh

"Actually a Dyson shop would probably have more allure."

And would have more technology. And it would suck less...

<edit> Dammit, Grumpenkraut! :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Doubleplus-Meh

Actually a Dyson shop would probably have more allure.

It should at least have a VERY clean floor :)

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Within spitting distance? This could get messy.

At least it's handy for a nice afternoon tea in Liberty's café.

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Anonymous Coward

At least it is handy

For a nice swim in the 100+ year old pool that is in the University of Westminster building between Oxford Circus and the BBC.

Then tea at Liberty's

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Great

I'll have somewhere to take my Surface Pro 3 for repair...unless they won't be offering repair services.

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At least..

.. it'll give people queuing for the Apple store a nice empty room to wait in..

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I wonder if they'll be shipping in authentic tumbleweed to roll down the aisles?

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