back to article Our day with Larry Page: Embedded with one of the world's richest men

Earlier this week, El Reg received an unexpected phone call from Google HQ inquiring as to whether we'd be interested in a "color piece" about Google cofounder and Alphabet CEO Larry Page. The invitation had nothing to do with criticism of Page over his recent deposition in the ongoing Uber-Waymo lawsuit in which he seemed ill …

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  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    WTF?

    This is fiction, right ?

    If this were part of a script in a fancy psychiatric hospital, it would be right at home. The further I read, the more I was convinced that that was the case.

    We're in August though, not April. My mind is boggled.

    1. FrankAlphaXII
      Alien

      Re: This is fiction, right ?

      Hate to be the bastard the ruins the joke, but read the deposition transcript from last week.

      It'll all make sense. Or not.

      1. m0rt

        Re: This is fiction, right ?

        I just read half that transcript. Well, I mean the unredacted part. The redacted part made more sense.

        Just wow.

        This guy is possibly one of the most powerful men on the planet. Or at least, his handlers are. And we throw information at them.

        So - when are we seeing the film of this with Jim Carrey playing the part of page?

        1. magickmark

          Jim Carrey playing the part of page?

          I read Larry's part as Jack Nicholson a la "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and then Eric's part as Jack Nicholson a al the Joker!

          Much more scary!!

      2. chivo243 Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: This is fiction, right ?

        That is disturbing reading...

        Larry has the Vinnie Barbarino defense down pat! Page 20 is a hoot, no pun intended...

    2. macjules

      Re: This is fiction, right ?

      Looking forward to the next season of Silicon Valley now after reading that.

  2. frank ly

    Biting the hand, indeed

    I'm surprised you were invited to spend time with him and after that little hatchet job I doubt if you'll be asked again.

    1. FrankAlphaXII

      Re: Biting the hand, indeed

      Christ on a crutch, I feel like I'm talking to myself but Its called satire Frank.

      Read the deposition. It makes about as much sense as known unknowns and unknown unknowns.

      1. cynic 2

        Re: Biting the hand, indeed

        Nah. That actually made sense eventually. This... not without major pharmaceuticals.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Biting the hand, indeed

          This... not without major pharmaceuticals.

          You manage to face Real LifeTM without major pharmaceuticals? Wow!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns

        Re FrankAlphaXII's post: "It makes about as much sense as known unknowns and unknown unknowns"

        Donald Rumsfeld's 'Known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns' answer at a DoD news briefing makes complete sense. Anyone who believes that they know all of the factors (let alone all of the answers) in any given situation is deluding themselves.

        I can't say I was ever a fan of Donald Rumsfeld but I think that was the last time I heard any real wisdom coming from a government official.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns

          "As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time. Since the Iraq conflict began, ..."

          The antecedent stupidity completely negated any following wisdom. How wise you act *after* you've jumped off a cliff naked has very little bearing on the outcome.

        2. Nik 2

          Re: Known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns

          "last time I heard any real wisdom coming from a government official."

          It will certainly the last time anyone hears a government official try to explain anything vaguely complicated to a room full of journalists.

      3. Puts_the_lotion

        Re: Biting the hand, indeed

        Known unknowns and unknown unknowns makes perfect sense to me. It struck me as odd at first I will admit. Talk risk management and IT Security and that phrase (or unknowlingly, variations of it) will appear all the time. It came up 2 weeks ago at an SIEM presentation I attended

      4. AdamWill

        Optional

        Actually, quite a lot of people with different political views think Rumsfeld's 'unknown unknowns' thing is a pretty sharp piece of analysis. It comes off as a bit absurd on a first, superficial reading but it's really pretty solid. Say you're a general from the Red country at war with the Blue country. A "known unknown" would be "I don't know exactly how many troops Blue has over in that base". An "unknown unknown" would be it turning out that Blue's been negotiating with Yellow for the last six months to launch a sneak attack next Wednesday and trap you in a war on two fronts, and you had no idea about it. It certainly *is* a wise policy to always be aware that there can be things you don't even know you don't know.

        1. Loud Speaker

          Re: Optional

          Or, as the Reggae song said "the greatest thing is to know, because what you don't know, you don't know!"

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGLlaOYPxFU

    2. CliveS
      FAIL

      Re: Biting the hand, indeed

      Try reading part of the linked transcript. You might also want to either Google "satire" or get your satire detector repaired.

      1. frank ly
        Facepalm

        Re: Biting the hand, indeed

        It's the height of bad manners to make fun of a gentleman's hairstyle (or lack of it) after you've been invited to have coffee with him. I shall be cancelling my subscription to The Register forthwith.

        (You and others need to have some internal sensor adjustment made.)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Biting the hand, indeed

      I'm surprised you were invited to spend time with him and after that little hatchet job I doubt if you'll be asked again.

      I'd pay some more attention of the whooshing sound going over your head if I were you.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Biting the hand, indeed

        "I'd pay some more attention of the whooshing sound going over your head if I were you."

        No, I think it's you who missed the whoosh.

        Nice one, frank ly.

    4. kierenmccarthy

      Re: Biting the hand, indeed

      Lmao

      You were ready to accept the monkey in a jetpack?

  3. CliveS
    WTF?

    Truth is stranger than fiction

    I thought you were taking the piss, so just to make sure I read part of the transcript. This is just a sample:

    Lawyer: Google invested in Uber; correct?

    Page: Yes.

    Lawyer: Do you recall when?

    Page: My answer is yes.

    Lawyer: Do you recall when?

    Page: No, I don't remember when we did that.

    Vaguely reminiscent of conversations with ELIZA.

    1. FrankAlphaXII
      Coat

      Re: Truth is stranger than fiction

      Well hey, nobody said that being one of the world's richest people and being a dumbass, or at least more than a little awkward, were mutually exclusive.

      Mine's the one with the Pixel in the pocket, and I wonder why its smoking.

  4. Roo

    It seems that Larry Page doesn't do anything or know anything, he has found his perfect role in life.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It seems that Larry Page doesn't do anything or know anything

      Can I make Google forget everything it knows about me and my family?

      No!

      Well Google go *********** youself.

      I stopped using your services or feeding with data you years ago but like an elephant, you don't foget.

      I vow to never willingly use your crap or give you data until the day I die.

      1. Tom Paine
        WTF?

        Re: It seems that Larry Page doesn't do anything or know anything

        So you block all Google-related web analytics, tracking cookies, etc etc?

        ...If so, how do you know?

    2. Rich 11

      It seems that Larry Page doesn't do anything or know anything, he has found his perfect role in life.

      A bigly political career beckons.

  5. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Trollface

    Why...

    ... you little tinkers, you.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He should be a politician.

    I've just read the deposition and I'm unsure as to whether the questioner needs to go back to school or Larry is a genius.

    Q I don't know. A Is that what you're asking me? No, I don't think there is.

    Q That's what I'm trying to figure out. A I don't think there is.

    and

    Q Do you remember anything? A Sorry. Can you -- can you restate it

    Q Sure. A -- or state it again?

    1. AdamWill

      To be scrupulously fair, it's a transcript of a videotaped interview at which something like a dozen people seem to have been present. Some of the weirder bits read like they're a best attempt to write down serially what was *actually* people talking over each other, or at cross-purposes.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reading that deposition ..

    .. I have come to realise that Google has done more than read and execute Microsoft's book on how to conduct business as a monopoly. They actually spliced Bill Gates genes into their management.

    Nice bit of satire - more please!

  8. Forget It
    Happy

    Echoes of Mr Logic

    http://viz.co.uk/category/cartoons/strip-cartoons/mr-logic/#content

  9. Chris G

    10%

    You know that old saw about we only conciously use about 10% of our brain?

    Well reading the deposition and indeed the article, it gives the impression that only 10% of Larry's brain is engaged with the world outside of his skull.

    He's not hooked up to some secret google AI where he's contemplating the meaning of life , the universe and everything, is he?

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: 10%

      "He's not hooked up to some secret google AI where he's contemplating the meaning of life , the universe and everything, is he?"

      Answers generated by AI, or possibly ELiza, and displayed on Google Glass as a sort of teleprompt? Possible.

  10. chivo243 Silver badge

    Is this a new Feature at El Reg

    If so, keep them coming... Madlibs for IT!! However, reality is stranger than fiction. Think of all the people who became eccentric after becoming extremely rich. What we just read could have happened. Just google 'people who became rich and then became eccentric' It was odd that Michael Jackson wasn't mentioned in any lists, which is what I thought of at the bit about flying chimpanzee...

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Is this a new Feature at El Reg

      "Think of all the people who became eccentric after becoming extremely rich."

      Sort of. It's being rich that distinguishes eccentrics from nut cases.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I suggest anyone facing deposition closely study the transcript. I see as a Google-evolved "if you can't dazzle 'em with brains, baffle 'em with bullshit."

    1. Captain DaFt

      I see as a Google-evolved "if you can't dazzle 'em with brains, baffle 'em with bullshit."

      Strikes me as the "Say absolutely nothing, but don't sop talking" school of obfuscation.

  12. Wiltshire

    I didn't get where I am today by remembering anything about the Google business. Or how it got started. Or who the original sponsors were. As mentioned in print in Byte Magazine many years ago now. But now "disappeared" from Google's own history.

    1. Aladdin Sane
  13. tmz

    Google implant

    Page has had one of the latest Google implants, it's not working all together correctly just yet. A few minor bugs to iron out, it will be fine in 50-60 years time.

  14. Ole Juul

    Thanks Kieren

    I thoroughly enjoyed that. In fact I just came back to have a second laugh.

  15. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    Same adivce given to Jack Ryan in Clear and Present Danger

    "I do not recall"

    "I cannot remember that exact event"

    "I am unfamiliar with the details of that subject"

    Etc.

    An early example of this was the ITT CEO in the early 70's before a Congressional committee.

    A notorious micro-manager and control freak he appeared to have no idea who was working for him, what they did or what decisions they made on any subject.

    My first thought was that Kieran had realized most non Californians think Californians are barking mad (an extraordinary degree of self awareness) and created a spoof. But then I read the transcript.

    Nice work Kieran.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ipse se nihil scire id unum sciat

    That's some next level socratic shit.

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      "That's some next level socratic shit."
      You're just taking the Pythia...

  17. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    After reading the transcript - Okay, I stopped at page 70. If you have tried reading it, you'll understand. - my career advice is:

    1. Get hired by Google.

    2. Do ... something.

    3. Ask Larry for a bonus.

    4. Profit!

    1. Chris G

      @Allthecoolnames',

      You may not even need to get hired; if you can get into the offices just hang around for a couple of weeks until your face is known, then send Larry a message saying you have done some amazing work and will accept the agreed bonus of $100,000,000 now.

      They'll probably pay it.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Worth a try.

  18. Alistair Dabbs

    Great read

    Thoroughly enjoyed this, Kieren. :-)

  19. TheElder

    Silicon Valley

    I grew up in Berkeley. That transcript (and interview) sounds perfectly normal.

    Berkeley

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