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Horse named 'Cloud Computing' finds burst of speed to beat 'Classic Empire' in actual race

Anonymous Coward

If only they had a horse called IoT that fell at the first hurdle due to an unspecified new found weakness.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Extra sugar lumps and a nice brush down for you!

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Holmes

But...

The 'shoot horses don't they?'

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Re: But...

Sort of hard reset?

My best friend during university said if he ever had a racing hose it would be called "JK bistable" but I'm not sure why. Wonder what the masses would make of that?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: But...

IIRC a "JK bistable" was a clocked flip-flop. Is there something onomatopoeic to do with clip-clop against the clock?

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Re: But...

There once was a horse named 'hoof-hearted'. Made for interesting race calls

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Happy

Re: But...

My grandfather had shares in a horse called "Richard Cranium". Dont think he ever won anything, but he made my grandfather laugh everytime the horse's name got mentioned on the racing broadcast, so I guess it was worth it for him...

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Headmaster

Take offense at "nag"

If there's one thing these horses aren't it's "nags". I would have applauded however, had the author deigned to use the word "inbred" in there somewhere.

Seeing as all thoroughbreds come from a mere 3 stallions to be registered, they are so highly inbred that, to paraphrase the great Pterry, they might as well try to breed with themselves. As a friend once remarked "you either get something that can win the Derby or the Preakness, or you get something with 3 heads".

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

You must learn to determine when your friends are exaggerating.

Did they also tell you about the testicles hanging out the back of some of the race winning females? (They don't).

One is more likely to deliver a two headed lamb than a multi-headed horse.

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

"all thoroughbreds come from a mere 3 stallions"

What about the maternal lines? Everyone seems to concentrate on the paternal ancestry as if the mares are simply vessels in which to incubate a replica of the stallion. But the mare provides the only X chromosome of a stallion foal, one of the X chromosomes of a mare foal, half of the rest of the nuclear genes - and all of the mitochondrial genes. Given that it's the last which provides the critical mechanism of aerobic respiration if there's any variation, however small, in that it could have a significant effect on performance.

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

The alternative was "galloping pet food".

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

All humans are descended from a handful of ancestors, too. But for any sensible measure of "inbred" say a duplicated ancestor within four generations, your kennel club dog is much more inbred than a racehorse. Bearing in mind what horses are bred for (sporting excellence rather than physical traits) and that, naturally, horses have a herd structure where only a few males father the next generation, the idea of thoroughbreds being "inbred" needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

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Coat

Re: galloping pet food

A few years ago you wouldn't have said that. You'd have said "galloping Tesco Everyday Value mince."

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

"galloping pet food".

Not just pets: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_horse_meat_scandal

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Re: pet food

Nothing wrong with horsemeat; it's actually quite delicious. Of course it is a scandal if horse meat is sold as beef as you're being ripped off.

Traditionally, Rheinischer Sauerbraten is made from horse meat. Although it's been slowly fading out of fashion for quite a while now. I understand it's rather a problem on the supply side; not that many horses end up at the butcher's these days.

The area around Solingen is still pretty big on all kinds of horse-based foodstuff; maybe it has something to do with all the knives and cutlery they make. Here's a menu, click on "Unsere Pferdefleisch-Spezialitäten".

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Re: pet food

The area around Solingen is still pretty big on all kinds of horse-based foodstuff

Or visit Parma. The variety of horse meat products and the number of stores selling it is quite impressive.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: pet food

In England in the 1960s our school bus went past a row of very dilapidated shops. One had a sign indicating that its sole product was horse meat.

A friend in Finland in the 1970s told the tale of getting her first horse - and horse meat then being banned from the dinner table. Touring northern Scandinavia in 1979 we shopped in a supermarket. A little bell made me do a dictionary look up for the label on a tin of meat chunks - "häst" = "horse".

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Re: Take offense at "nag"

If you're bored, spend some time browsing http://www.allbreedpedigree.com/

They highlight "inbredidness" (that's not a word...) by showing when there's common ancestral horses on both sides. (mine has a common great-grandfather on sire and dam side, not too bad as these things are considered, but then he's a WB not a TB).

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Re: pet food

Heh, yeah, as a horse owner and avid equestrian, I have no problem with horse meat. It's quite game-like, though needs proper preparation. I'm amazed at how some horsey-girls go into paroxysms of rage and tears when you dare mention eating horse. Yeah, I draw the line at cats and dogs - too high up the food chain as carnivores. Not entirely consistent, oh well.

Hmm, Solingen you say? I'll be near there in a few months.

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Re: galloping pet food

@handleoclast

I was wondering how this story got written without hypothesizing a horse named "Tesco Burger"

And did "Wannacry" beat "LAN Network" in the second race?

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Coat

Re: galloping pet food

The Torygraph's cartoonist Matt came out with this at around the time of the horsemeat scandal, it just about took out Findus in the process. A lot of inexpensive (= $supermarket Value, SmartPrice, etc) meals were found to contain horse as well as percieved more upmarket Ikea meatballs istr.

Horse is eaten in most of Europe it's the horsey types over here that don't allow it. A quick visit to the chocolate factory's search site will soon find you some prime ex-pony steaks along with diced llama, moose and squirrel, probably tastes like chicken, delicious :]

Matt: http://www.slow-life.co.uk/one-rule-for-them/

Mines is the one with the Horsey Crispy Pancakes in the pocket.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: galloping pet food

"A quick visit to the chocolate factory's search site will soon find you some prime ex-pony steaks along with diced llama, moose and squirrel, probably tastes like chicken, delicious "

An acquaintance came back from a gap year in South America with a taste for Guinea Pig.

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Coat

Odds-on favourite

DevOps

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Odds-on favourite

agile coming up the rear.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Odds-on favourite

"agile coming up the rear."

fnarr, fnarr!

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I think it was a ringer. It was actually a horse called Somebody Else's Computer.

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Coat

It was just the workload being quickly jockeyed to a datacentre nearest the finish line.

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Make it up

Maybe el Reg can't make it up, but America's Finest News Source, aka The Onion, most certainly can.

See http://www.theonion.com/infographic/greatest-thoroughbred-horses-all-time-55937.

E.g. the horse that revolutionised racing by using four legs rather than two.

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cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing

"actual cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing some time in the early-to-mid 2020s"

So at some point there will be a critical mass outsourced to Cloud.

Even if a 100x more reliable, it WILL fail, (and a wrong patch might propagate in a way than makes malware writers jealous). Then you won't be able to make calls (no billing), buy food (no POS) or get cash (ATMs will be using the Cloud as will the banks anyway).

There will be no silver lining.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: cloud computing will overtake the classic empire of on-premises computing

"buy food (no POS)"

The whole food restocking system would be out too. The UK has something like only three days supply of food on the shelves at any one time.

One of our POS support staff was on site in a supermarket when there was a major outage with a store full of shoppers. The emergency plan was for staff to (under)estimate the cost of each customer's trolley. Not sure how they paid though - IOUs?

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Cheap food sells

Sometime in the 1970s thare was the Great Cereals Strike. Everyday ones like Corn Flakes rapidly sold out, but the fancy expensive cereals were still there after a fortnight.

It was also the time of the Great Bog Paper Strike.

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Bronze badge

"Cloud Computing inexplicably stops 3/4 of the way through the race..."

meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, local council workers dig through fibre optic cable..

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Holmes

drew level and managed to take the race by a head.

I would expect Cloud Computing to run on headless systems, actually. Where did it get the head from?

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So many "interesting" horse names...

...so little time. Maybe El Reg can come up with a bunch of names and handicap them in a race for the hearts and minds of the audience.

The best part would be the one line after the horses name that the handicapper describes the abilities.

Would be interesting.

And then you would have "Wannacry" just put a gate across the track, and is awaiting payment to lift it.

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Re: So many "interesting" horse names...

Something like Privacy Shield - wears see-through blinkers.

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