back to article BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

"Ok James, I think it's time we released you into the wild," I say. "What?!" James gasps, no doubt thinking window, brief scream, distant thud, car alarm. "Into the wild," The PFY says. "We can teach you no more. From now on it's all practical experience." "What?" "We've found you a job, faked some credentials and you have …

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  1. John G Imrie

    Yes

    Viva James

    1. Mark 110
      Pint

      Re: Yes

      Absolute classic. Possibly the best . . ever . . .

      Cheers

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Yes

      I am upvoting assuming this is a clever pun on an oral exam (viva voce) since someone of your depth of knowledge could not have failed to know that official Latin would be "Vivat Jacobus".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Yes

        Who says it is Latin?

        Viva is "long live" in Spanish.

  2. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Happy

    Optional

    "This the real world – a world where IT Managers are often dumber than the cleaners, the cleaners far smarter than the users..."

    I'm reminded at this point, of Dilbert's garbageman.

    1. Captain Scarlet

      Re: Optional

      I haven't seen him in the last years worth of Dilbert daily calendars :(

      1. Bandikoto

        Re: Optional

        Scott has gone full Randroid. If the garbage man had anything of worth to say, he would be paid accordingly.

  3. asphytxtc
    Pint

    Splendid!

    Just splendid! I take my hat off to you James! :)

    Now, off to the pub for a "seven pinter" to purge all knowledge of the director's "incident"...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Luckily ...

    ... I'm working from home. I nearly had to change my trousers after reading this episode. It needs a NSFW tag on it to avoid coffee splattered monitors and keyboards.

    Could be a classic in years to come.

    (Yes, reading el Reg *is* work)

    1. maffski

      Re: Luckily ...

      '...working from home... ...trousers...'

      New to home working then? Give it time.

      1. Bill M

        Re: Luckily ...

        Friday lunchtime ? Working from home ?

        He's probably an old hand at working from home and has adjourned to the annex, aka pub. At my work annex they won't serve me unless I have put my trousers on.

        1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

          Re: Luckily ...

          Re adjourned to the annex

          Indeed..... working myself through the cafes and bars of Brussels... Starting the morning in a cafe for breakfast, changing to a restaurant for lunch and proceeding work in a bar for the remainder of the work day.

      2. Philip Stott
        Happy

        Re: Luckily ...

        Thank you, brilliant comment. I'm shirking from home and nearly had to change my pants!

        1. Tom 7

          Re: Luckily ...

          Pants? You keep screenwipes near your home workstation?

    2. Jedit Silver badge

      "It needs a NSFW tag on it to avoid coffee splattered monitors and keyboards"

      If your coffee drinking is NSFW, you're using the wrong orifice.

      1. Marshalltown
        Pint

        Re: "It needs a NSFW tag on it to avoid coffee splattered monitors and keyboards"

        "If your coffee drinking is NSFW, you're using the wrong orifice."

        Nah - just he just need the right class of key board and monitor. Mine tolerates the cat puking on it, spilled coffee, gin and the like.

  5. wyatt

    Hahahaha, ace!

  6. Bassey

    Best is sometime

    They've been improving for a year or more but this was the best in many many years. Loved it.

  7. WonkoTheSane
    Coat

    At last, the circle is complete...

    Mine's the bathrobe with a torch in the pocket -->

    1. Myvekk

      Re: At last, the circle is complete...

      Just as long as you know where your towel is!

  8. packrat

    death by pol

    poltics, that is.

    the mickysoft delimiter. (a)

    You forgot <insert relative> here.

    packrat

  9. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Superb!

    Great episode. It brightened an otherwise dull and dreary day

  10. TRT Silver badge

    Ha ha.

    Colossal Cave Adventure reference. Excellent.

    1. DropBear

      Re: Ha ha.

      It's recurring joke... :)

  11. Frenchie Lad

    Excellent - a large dose of truth in there. I particularly liked the bit about reinventing new terms for the same thing. Up to now I haven't seen a single thing that hadn't been done earlier on a mainframe and certainly not with the same respect for the capabilities of the machines running the code.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      New terms

      I remember when the 'cloud' first became a thing - I thought I knew a thing or two at the time, but here was a bunch of numpties sales droids selling something that I knew nothing about.

      It actually took me a while (I was young then) to work out what they meant - at which point I was like "Fuck me - you ignorant arseholes have just re-branded the hosting services" (which even back then included a web page where you could order the server of your specification and have it rolled out within the day).

      1. Chronos

        Re: New terms

        As stated in TFA (many a true word, etc), just wait until they're selling you a "synergy leveraging existing competencies to bring unparalleled flexibility" to cloud storage, which basically means a pass-through NAS box near the edge router with a couple of hard drives in it intercepting calls to your cloud provider if pings fail and rsync running as a daemon. The rest is all semantics. Or Symantec, probably.

        To El Reg: Why is there no grumpy, cynical old misanthrope icon? Most of us are, regardless of gender or age. The windows user comes close but he looks too harmless.

      2. Marshalltown

        Re: New terms

        "... - you ignorant arseholes have just re-branded the hosting services..."

        And that ignores the even earlier days of "time sharing" where you could walk into a Radio Shack and buy time at a terminal to run your BASIC code, then save it to wherever the terminal liked to. Right before PCs appeared with exotic names like Osborne and Kaypro.

      3. Marshalltown

        Re: New terms

        New? The term "cloud" was used by the fellow that taught me about the workings of the internet. As nearly as I can tell, the allusion was to the nebulous nature of the user's knowledge about where his files really were. The trainer used a diagram that showed a PC linked to a LAN, in turn linked to a WAN, which in turn was linked to a "cloud" representing the internet.

        1. magickmark
          Trollface

          Re: New terms

          You were on one of my courses then???

  12. Neil 44

    Adventure

    Nice to see an attempt at referencing Adventure's "YOU ARE IN A MAZE OF TWISTY LITTLE PASSAGES, ALL ALIKE" with "maze of twisting passages all seemingly alike" - so close...

  13. Jonathan 27

    Does this mean the PFY is no longer a PFY?

    1. Captain Scarlet

      With the BOFH there no, so I assume some sort of Star Trek fight to the death scene needs to take place before the PFY replaces the BOFH.

      1. Fibbles

        With the BOFH there no, so I assume some sort of Star Trek fight to the death scene needs to take place before the PFY replaces the BOFH.

        Stephen: Did you ever hear the tragedy of BOFH The Wise?

        James: No?

        Stephen: I thought not. It’s not a story the HR would tell you. It’s an IT legend. BOFH was a Dark Lord of IT, so powerful and so wise he could influence management to increase budgets… He had such a knowledge of the dark side, he could even keep the ones he cared about from being sacked for gross misconduct.

        James: He could actually save people from summary termination?

        Stephen: The dark side is a pathway to many defenestrative abilities some consider to be... unethical.

        James: What happened to him?

        Stephen: He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice had him sacked for embezzlement and use of a cattle-prod without completing the necessary risk assessment paperwork. Ironic. He could save others, but not himself.

    2. VanguardG

      GIven the time frames, he is probably no longer Pimply-Faced, and certainly *not* a Youth anymore.

      But yes, he's still the PFY anyway.

  14. MJI Silver badge

    I was right

    They were training him

  15. choleric

    ITEOTWAWKI

    So James becomes the new PFY. That must mean the PFY becomes the new BOFH. Which would make the BOFH the new ... >gasp< ... boss?

    1. Pirate Dave Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: ITEOTWAWKI

      Did you miss the part at the beginning about James' job interview across town? I am assuming the current PFY is as safe as he ever is. The BOFH is just, as they say, "paying it forward" by training up a young, future BOFH to send out into the world to spread the joys of slippery stairwells, cattle prods, and quicklime.

      1. choleric

        Re: ITEOTWAWKI

        Good point. I got caught up with developments at the end of the story. Maybe it ends up with a, "this town ain't big enough for the both of us," kind of scenario?

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon

          Re: ITEOTWAWKI

          Apparently, unlike Sith, the master can have more than one apprentice :D

        2. Pirate Dave Silver badge
          Pirate

          Re: ITEOTWAWKI

          "Maybe it ends up with a, "this town ain't big enough for the both of us," kind of scenario?"

          Could well be. Although...whatever became of Simon's girlfriend Gina from a few years ago? She was Simon's equal, perhaps his better. Then she just sort of disappeared. Perhaps he is planning to use James as a pawn in some war with her.

          1. DropBear
            Facepalm

            Re: ITEOTWAWKI

            Oh God no... it has not been years since, surely...? IT HAS NOT, YOU HEAR?!?

            1. Pirate Dave Silver badge
              Pirate

              Re: ITEOTWAWKI

              Yeah, years...

              If you wanna feel REALLY old, go read some of the ones from before 2005 and think "OMG? It's been 10+ years but I still remember this story line..."

              Somewhere, way back in the early days, I remember the story where Simon was at some sort of training, and said something that I printed out and stuck to my wall:

              "But root IS my account!"

      2. Toni the terrible Bronze badge

        Re: ITEOTWAWKI

        The thing is quicklime is not really that good for body disposal...

  16. VanguardG

    "we stuffed the red pill into your mouth and held your nose weeks ago." The Duo are getting soft - Not all that long ago it would have been duct tape OVER the mouth and holding the nose for anyone prying into the secrets of the sanctum.

    BOFH has been a good reader of character, though - he did spare the over-eager youngster who became PFY, and became, in the man's own words, "a fiend with a scarcely human face." Though the PFY did have to demonstrate his chops by checkmating the BOFH's attempt to get him fired, invoking the "Uncle Brian" defense, he wasn't just accepted into the sanctum as James has been....

    ...or has he been? That engagement the lined up for him could still prove to be a tragic, carefully planned accident...

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Nah, somewhere in the cesspool of the office they found a rough diamond and are polishing him up. Get him installed in a relevant company across town and there is endless scope for merriment and budget increases: "ACME now has a 4-Factor redundant storage arrays…"

      1. wowfood

        I now need to find the PFYs origin story.

  17. SJ Coombs

    Where do I sign up for Rutherford? :)

    1. Terje

      You mean you are not a member?

      Must be something wrong with the regs user authentication!

      1. Mark 85

        Indeed... something is amiss as it appears we have a bounder in our midst.

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