back to article Marissa! Mayer! out! as! CEO! of! Yahoo! corpse! post-Verizon! gobble!

Marissa Mayer won't lead the remains of her beleaguered Yahoo! once telco giant Verizon gobbles up its core assets, it was announced Monday. Verizon is in the process of acquiring Yahoo!'s star components, such as Y! Mail and Y! Finance, a move that will leave behind a shell biz called Altaba. Today it was confirmed Mayer will …

  1. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Who says incompetence doesn't pay? Especially when you're a board member !!!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Weird... cannot find a pic with her and a golf club. She is a member of the golfogarchy, right? The ruling caste in a golfocracy.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Who says incompetence doesn't pay?

      The answer always is:

      The Peter Principle. "People rise to their level of incompetence".

      Then sometimes they get promoted further to get them out of the way. At a certain magic level they merely enter the pool that circulates round businesses. In each case they leave with a golden handshake - only to be immediately snapped up by another company where they introduce their pet business fad that has failed so many times before.

      1. Alt C

        I've heard from some fairly senior people, it's because if they admit their pick is an abject failure it reflects badly on their ability to select candidates for a post hence above a certain level people never fail because it looks bad on those that hired them and they never know when that person will be on a selection panel for a job they want

    3. MyffyW Silver badge

      Marissa

      Wishing you all the very best for a long retirement. Please don't manage any more companies, particularly any where I might be working.

      1. Hans 1
        Windows

        Re: Marissa

        Retirement ?

        Nope, I think Microsoft, Accenture, HPE, Sony, Amazon, or Disney should put her on their board or even CEO (my dream-come-true).

        Yours sincerely,

        Your Official MHP

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Microsoft, Accenture, HPE, Sony, Amazon, or Disney

          Monsanto

        2. Korev Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Marissa

          The Trump re-election campaign could do with someone of her caliber to lead it.

          1. Mark 65

            Re: Marissa

            You laugh, but I could see someone of her delusion levels turning to politics.

      2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        No need to wish her well

        She's got millions in the bank - she'll be well enough off.

        Would I have the chance to fail so well.

        1. the Jim bloke

          Re: No need to wish her well

          If i wuz her, I'd be concerned about that 19.9m in equity....

          demonstrating the differences in flight performance between golden parachutes and lead balloons.

          Best to cash out and make it someone elses problem.

  2. thomn8r

    http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Woody-Harrelson-Wiping-Tears-Money.gif

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Whoops

    Misread some of the article. Thought it said:

    "Verizon had been due to buy Yahoo! for $4.83bn, but that price tag fell to 350m after disclosures of security breaches."

    $350m would barely cover Mayer's golden parachute, but sounds a lot more realistic.

    1. Sanctimonious Prick
      Mushroom

      Re: Whoops

      "Misread some of the article. Thought it said:"

      PMSL! Me too!

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      You said it yourself

      Carly, Gregg and Jack carved out a much larger chunk of flesh, so it is normal that they be rewarded accordingly.

      As for The American Way, I think that there will be a revision coming in the next few years. Hopefully.

    2. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

      Re: Poor, poor Marissa

      Well, when you put it in that context, she's going to be the next President of the United States. Four years from now we'll want nothing more than a new POTUS while still not having any ability to choose a good one.

  5. Hans 1
    Boffin

    Belluzzo ? The undertaker of SGI, FFS .... WHAT AN UTTER MORON, no, criminal ... nobody can be that STUPID, he must have millions upon millions in offshore bank accounts, or ... he is a cretin of the very first order .... orders of magnitude over any other living being needing to breathe.

    Then you have Mitchell Kertzman, what AN IDIOT, he almost killed Sybase by given MS their codebase ...

    There are many more, much worse than Mayer ...

  6. retired_in_london

    America now can claim to equally incompetent and crooked Female CEOs to run their businesses.

    The USA has truly achieved equality.

    1. Hans 1
      WTF?

      >America now can claim to equally incompetent and crooked Female CEOs to run their businesses.

      Come on, there are far more incompetent and crooked male CEO's America has produced ... I do not think it is a gender thing ... just ... moneys or brain-damage ....

      1. Mark 85

        Not gender... a CEO thing. She'll be back somewhere, it's almost guaranteed as once a CEO, always a CEO. The money is in the bank and they want more. More money and more power. Maybe being a CEO should be declared a plague and dealt with appropriately?

  7. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    Happy! Landings!Marissa!

    Here's to that golden parachute falling on you!

  8. GrapeBunch

    Altaba

    Altaba. That's the Failed State right next to Alt-Georgia.

    1. a_yank_lurker

      Re: Altaba

      No its next to the its fellow failed state alt-mississippi

  9. Alistair
    Windows

    Does! This! Mean! That!

    El! Reg! will! stop! heading! Yahoo! articles! like! this!?

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Does! This! Mean! That!

      No! Not! until! Yahoo! ceases! to! exist!

  10. J. R. Hartley

    Shitting! Crikey!

  11. Howard Hanek
    Linux

    How She'll be Remembered

    ......for the sumptuousness of her over the top parties.

  12. Drew 11

    Dear Google. I have found you a new CEO. Regards...

  13. Tom 64
    Coat

    Yay!

    El! Reg! will! be! able! to! continue! with! the! ridiculously! punctuated! headlines! since! the! brand! isn't! dying!!!

    I'll! get! my! coat!!! And! some! eyewash!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Perhaps a new partnership with Dido?

  15. Potemkine Silver badge

    And it's justice?

    I'm sure that people who'll be fired after the merging because of 'redundancies' will be delighted to know that their ex-CEO will put $23,000,000 in her pocket.

    Hey, underlings! There's indeed an Invisible Hand... and it slaps you on the face.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The older I get...

    ...the m ore bitter I get about my financial situation, and seeing stories like this doesn't help. When they named the monopoly money London job's salary I thought "Wahey, better get busy figuring out which Aston Martin I want!" . You can imagine my surprise when it turned out I'd effectively taken a 15% pay cut for the privilege of moving to the SE, thanks mostly to 300% higher rent (and beer a fiver a pint?!) Still, these firms all give huge annual bonuses, right? Wrong, I've had less than a month's pay as bonus and that's over three years.

    So, working in a chapeau shop. What are the hours like?

  17. montyburns56

    Buyer beware

    "Verizon was due to buy Yahoo! for $4.83bn, but that price tag fell by $350m after it emerged the web biz was ransacked by hackers on two occasions"

    That's like finding out that the car that you are about to buy is riddled with rust, yet the owner will only give you a 10% reduction in the price.

  18. mIRCat
    Paris Hilton

    Darling, we'll always have Paris.

    Failing into success is an art form.

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