BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me "Okay, I'll just need your username and password to verify this," the customer rep tells me. "You know my username." I respond "I just told you." "Yes, but we need to verify that you have access to your account." "I told you the answer to my secret phrase question." "The secret phrase is only used to verify your identity, …
I do have to admit when it comes to stuff like this, I just have to be myself for a minute and I usually get hung up on. Not rude or anything, I just start asking questions (like how did you get this number? Can you prove you're not in violation of the data protection act etc etc) and provide accurate if awkwardly phrased answers and pretty soon I am talking to myself again.
I rarely get cold calls, but when I do by heck I put them through the mill!
And I always ask questions back when it is a legitimate call, it's always nice asking them where, when and value of my last transaction, or when my account was opened.
Co-Op bank and Amex always seem to enjoy playing along, the others not so much (especially EE)
"Hello sir, we have been passed your details because one of your family has been in an accident recently" or whatever.
Whenever I get one of those calls I always start the conversation off with "What's my name?"
and they always have a go at guessing it!
Oh nothing so sensible as Mr Brown or Mr Smith, which has a statistical chance, but the most random list of internationally known celebrities...Mr Blair, Mr Trump, etc, gets thrown at me, in that one in a beeelion chance they might win gold.
A bunch of chancers by any definition.
Last one of those I had was at work and when asked by the lovely chap from the Indian Subcontinent if I had been injured in the accident that wasn't my fault, I said:
Me: "Yes it was awful I've never been in a fatal accident before at least not one where I died"
Sounding very interested: "So you were injured in the accident?"
Me: "Yes mortally wounded as it turned out, the funeral was lovely though"
Sounding very interested: "Can you describe your injuries?"
Me: "Yup Death by Decapitation and not the good kind, not going to walk away from that"
Sounding extremely interested: "Have you spoken to a lawyer yet?"
Me: "No very few people talk to you when you're dead, I'm grateful for your call."
Sounding disinterested: "Are you saying you didn't survive the accident?"
At this point there is the sound of someone else joining the call.
Me: "Yes, and I wouldn't recommend cremation if I were you!"
Line goes dead
My general response to people wanting to talk to me about the accident i was in is,
'Christ, I've been in an accident? Really? Am I OK? Do my family know? It must have been serious as I don't remember it'
Generally don't get much further than that before they hang up, although you do get the odd one who doesn't understand and you have to spell it out for them.
My wife plays helpless, and "oh dear my husband is not home at the moment & he deals with $attempted_scam, his name is Rufus Firefly* and you can reach him on ..., and uses the number for one of the telemarketers that comes through on an unblocked number
*safe in knowledge few have watched Duck Soup , I am considering getting her to change the name she uses to Lancelot Link
In America we tend to get cold calls by robot. Since they'll persist in spite of anything you do, all you can do is hang up and see if you can block the number in future (at least I haven't yet been cold called from a hidden number, probably because those that do tend to end up being police traced).
Ah yes. I once received an "emergency call." The caller asserted that my Bank of America account had a problem. He had a dense, south Asian accent. Then he asked me to give him my bank account number! Hmmm.
"But, you are calling me. Why would you need my account number?"
The assertion is, "we need to verify your account."
"Verify what?"
"Your account!"
"But you should already have the number."
"Yes, we do. But, we need to verify it."
"What did you say your name was?" He really hadn't. There was a pause, "Jim Smith."
"Where are you calling from?"
"Kansas City."
"Interesting, Jim. You know, from your accent, I would have thought you weren't west of Peshawar."
<Click>
I had a brilliant outcome to a scam call a couple of weeks ago...
Scammer: (heavy Indian accent) Ma'am this is David and I'm calling from BT, how are you today?
Me: (Deciding on the bright and breezy appoach) Awake!
Scammer: Ma'am, the reason I am calling is that we are worried about your internet, for the past few nights it has been sending us error messages which indicate to us it is being used illegally at night, do you understand?
Me: (thoughtfully) Riiight...
Scammer: Ma'am, we're talking about your router, OK? It's been hacked, OK?
Me: (energetically) Oh, right! Hang on, I work in IT, let me check the logs!
Scammer: You're an IT professional?
Me: Yes!
Scammer: (sounding wary) Right. I am talking to Mrs <surname>, yes?
Me: Nope! (Not married, and not going to correct them!)
Scammer: (confused, talking loudly to self) Then who the hell are *YOU*?!?
Me: (trying not to laugh) Well, that's not very polite for this time in a morning!
Scammer: (realises he said the last sentence out loud, not in his head!) >click<
Kept me laughing for days, that did! :D
"Hello sir, we have been passed your details because one of your family has been in an accident recently" or whatever.
I think in the future it's going to be my wife who was injured. She's being treated in the Institute for Clinical Orthopaedics, ICO for short, in Wilmslow. Phone number 01625 545 745...
And good luck to the ambulance chaser who tries following that one up.
I get the "Windows Support" ones rather often, I usually hang up, but sometimes they tick me off so I mess with them. Sometimes my only computer is an Apple. Sometimes its various Linux distros, a few times I simply invent an OS name and claim I wrote my own. Having claimed to be "Windows Support", they have then undercut themselves. One of these days, I'll spin up a Windows VM and let them play a while, then power it off in mid-stream and claim they broke my computer.
I might also, at some point, interrupt them right off and say something "Oh, thank goodness you called! My computer thingie won't get on the Interweb thing, you can help me fix it!" And since their only skill will be connecting remotely to a working machine and loading it with crapware, yet they claim to be "support"...I predict awkward pauses.
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There's a guy that has been posting YT vids where he torments the scammers. Nothing unusual about that; there are plenty of these knocking about but this one has been giving users a few pointers with regard to the kind of epithets guaranteed to wind them up from weaker taunts like "chutiya" to more hard core terms like "teri makichoot"... I'll say no more than that!
And I always ask questions back when it is a legitimate call, it's always nice asking them where, when and value of my last transaction, or when my account was opened.
I do the same. Surprising how many of these organisations expect me to give out some serious ID info (name, address, last address, DOB, security questions etc etc etc) but have a hard time when I ask them some things that would verify that they have access to my account.
Some of them get real pissed off when I tell them to go away and hang up on them. Even though I do politely say "I'm afraid I can't confirm you are from my bank, so I am now ending this call". Some do provide me with a way I can get back to them when I call their number (must be through the organisation's published (in phone book no less) number, not a number the caller tries to give me!)
Some get real shirty when you don't play the game by their rules....
Had the 'bank' call me once and I said I'd rather call them but the girl was insistent that I couldn't do that as she wasn't calling from the regular number. Already alarm bells are ringing in my mind but she very patiently explained that we wouldn't be talking about my accounts or any personal info. She then said to verify she was legitimate that I had been in a particular branch last Thursday, which I had and then gave me the time I'd visited which was again accurate and that I'd spoken to the manager. She said she didn't have access to any personal details but they wanted to check that the level of service I had received was adequate for my needs etc. She was charming and never once went near anything that I would have flagged as a scammer question. I did check with the bank and they do indeed do checks like this on their staff.
Flipside to that coin, stayed at a hotel (part of a large chain) in the Middle East over Christmas and when they asked for an email address gave them a unique one @mydomainname.com. I checked the box to say I didn't want my details passed on or sold or contacting in any way. Yesterday I received an email from some business in the same country to that address and I was unimpressed. Called the hotel and spoke to the switchboard and had a nice girl there explain that whilst I might think that I'd received it because it was from the same country it probably wasn't anything to do with the hotel.
Her: "Loads of people have your email address right?"
Me: "No only you have that particular address"
Her: "We wouldn't pass on your details if you told us not to. Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes because the email address is yourhotelchain@mydomainname.com, it is unique to you and I haven't given it to anyone else because I've never stayed at your chain before!" (and won't again after this).
Her: "Oh, I'm not sure who to transfer your call to."
Me: "Well as I made sure I told you I don't want any contact from you and I've been sent something maybe your head of (IT) data security?"
Her: "I'm not sure I know who that is, why them?"
Me: "Because if you really haven't sold/passed on my details then I would suspect you've got a problem somewhere with your computers/data."
Her: "I think all the IT people have gone home can you call back tomorrow?"
"when they asked for an email address gave them a unique one @mydomainname.com"
I do the same thing. Company.auxinfo@mydomain.com
Set up my server so the catch-all address forwards to a unique address for my inbox.
When I start getting spam from someone I :bounce: their address and have a script that fires off an email to abuse@company.com complaining about it for every spam I get.
I have started doing something just as amusing .. I start talking to them and then stop mid-sentence, I apologise and ask them to wait a moment, then put my side on mute and see how long they last for before hanging up. Longest so far was a very persistent 15 minutes and 47 seconds. Either that or he fell asleep for a bit in between...
Similar to what I do. At the start of the call I say, "Oh, you need to talk to Fred. He'll be very interested. Hold on, I'll go get him." Then I set the phone down. There is usually sime background noise (the TV), so the caller knows I have not hung up. An hour later I check to make sure the call has ended. I figure they cannot be scamming others if they are sitting on hold, and they have no one to curse when they realize 'Fred' is never coming.
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