nav search
Data Center Software Security Transformation DevOps Business Personal Tech Science Emergent Tech Bootnotes BOFH

back to article
This goldfish and its steerable robot tank will destroy humanity

Silver badge

Obligatory

An evil goldfish

4
0
Silver badge

Re: Obligatory

""swim push hungry, swim push hungry" ... The Dopefish Lives!

1
0
Silver badge

Re: Obligatory

All goldfish are evil...

1
0
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Obligatory

All goldfish are indeed evil. If they ever start on their path to world domination we are all doomed.

0
0

I have a theory

The Orange Strumpet stole it's mate to dye his hair and this one is looking for him.

2
0
Devil

Re: I have a theory

No the truth finally comes out.. Its the REAL Donald.. these are the true overlords roaming the White-house one knee-jerk decision at a time. :-)

0
0

I honestly cant decide if this is cute or terrifying, its still kind of cool to watch through.

4
0

Missed QI much?

This was invented by a QI elf many moons ago. I know, because I saw it on Dave. Ten times. Eleven... Twelve...

edit: or did I dream that?!

7
0
Silver badge
Linux

Re: Missed QI much?

We must have the same dreammeister, because I recall it too.

---> mmm, fishies!

2
0
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Missed QI much?

Nope, not a dream -

The people at QI call a fish that drives a tank "Alan". Alan is a goldfish in the QI office who has a mini-tank (he has a normal-sized tank too) which detects Alan's movement, and moves on wheels in the direction Alan is swimming. The tank itself was made by QI elf Alex Bell, who appears on the set to describe how it works. It was made out Lego over a few days. This design was based on that of a Dutch company called Studio Dip who made a similar, larger tank. The tank has motion sensors in each corner that detect the movement of the fish. (Forfeit: Sir)

QI seriesL episode 1

https://www.comedy.co.uk/tv/qi/episodes/12/1/

4
0

Now if ...

...they had trained the fish to negotiate an obstacle course, THAT would have been something!

2
0
Joke

Re: Now if ...

Yea but they would never get back to the start they only have a three minuite memory

1
0
Silver badge

Re: Now if ...

"...they only have a three minuite [sic] memory"

This is not true - research has shown that goldfish can remember information related to feeding for more than three months and also learn to recognise their owners/keepers, at least in terms of associating them with feeding. Mythbusters demonstrated that a goldfish could remember its way through a maze after more than a month.

0
0
Thumb Up

Re: Now if ...

Ah you fell for the Bait

4
0

In a few years these mutated humanoid fish bathed in their tanks of orange Melange spice gas will gain a monopoly on intestellar travel by using their precience to guide guild highliner ships through foldspace.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

17
0
Silver badge

Of course the fish is unusually active

Action = reaction.

The tank moves, the water reacts and the fish tries to counter it. Like fish need to when they have to deal with a stream or something. This is clearly shown in the beginning. And when it reaches the edge of the tank it simple decides to remain there to sit out the unusual (for the fish) water behavior.

It's a somewhat interesting development but not that impressive. I mean; you have a white surface, you stick a sensor above it and merely need to determine the location of the orange dot. By current technical standards that's not very difficult anymore.

1
0
Silver badge

A simpler solution

Put the fish back in the lake. Problem solved.

5
0
Silver badge

Re: A simpler solution

Terrified fish that has never seen a lake before will be swallowed by larger fish within 2 minutes, problem solved.

0
0
Silver badge
Coat

Re: A simpler solution

Terrified fish that has never seen a lake before will be swallowed by larger fish within 2 minutes, problem solved.

At least he will always have the memories

0
0

This news comes as no surprise to me, like that fella on the telly box says 'Modern life is Goldfish'.

<gets wet suit and leaves>

3
0
Alert

Boring - just another add a computer to the process claim.

Skinner was here first

http://www.military-history.org/articles/pigeon-guided-missiles.htm

That was 70 odd years ago. If only we'd persevered there would have been none of this internet of things, just lots of pigeons in high, low and every place. And you can use the legs to make a hand of glory according to Charles Stross.

1
0

But but...

A goldfish, pah!

We need sharks with frikkin lasers!

1
0
M7S
Silver badge

Re: But but...

Careful what you wish for. This is presumably the Mark 1 travel machine, I'm not sure what the Mark 2 will be but I recall seeing the "Mark 3 Travel Machine" being introduced to the 4th Doctor in some underground showroom on Skaro.

(Sorry, unable to locate the clip, if anyone can assist...)

6
0
Silver badge

We should be safe

until someone tries this with an octopus.

0
0

What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

7
0

Re: What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

More like one says to the other, "Will you just stop and ask for directions, already?!"

3
0
Silver badge

Re: What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

Only if it's a male and female goldfish. It two males, one would ask: "When we stopping for beer?".

2
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

That was one of my favourite daft jokes, and now they've ruined it by making it not a joke any more.

1
0

Nature vs nurture ?

It always stays in the corner ...

.. presumably trying to get the thing to go round in circles

1
0
Silver badge

Professor Wernstrom did it better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvRQ4d76ZV0

1
0

Minion? Is that you?

Well, at least now we know where Megamind is studying...

2
0
Anonymous Coward

A metaphor for Donald Trump?

My immediate thought was the whole thing was supposed to represent a metaphor for Donald Trump.

Normally it's the Pussy looking for Goldfish.

0
0

This goldfish and its steerable robot tank will destroy humanity

And then you watch the video

3
0
Silver badge

Anybody up for doing the same for a shark + swimming pool?

This reminds me strongly of the alien spaceship visiting Earth in Star Trek : The Voyage Home.

1
0

Lucky fish!

Can't help feel that the motions could be smoother. Also would be cool if it had a central rotating axel so it could move in any direction with out having to turn

1
0
Silver badge

Now if

They had fitted a deep learning neural network to the tank so that it could interact with the goldfish, they could have claimed a gpldfish powered AI. With AI in the paper everybody would be throwing research money at them.

1
0
Silver badge

Maybe it's because so much tech R&D money goes into scary war tech, but when I saw the headline I had a mental image of tank in the self-propelled gun* sense of the word. Having seen the video, I think I'll sleep sounder in my bed.

* I know, a tank and a self-propelled gun aren't the same thing, but you know what I mean

0
0
Silver badge

They did originally order a combat vehicle

but there was a mix up and that went to someone called "TheDoctor718437".

0
0
Bronze badge

Most guns are self-propelled.

Backwards a bit, usually.

1
0

FIsh tank??

Ridiculous that those kids would spend all that time building a cool robot, then have it be ruined by a silly design flaw--especially when they just had to put a lid on the tank and fill it full.

0
0

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

The Register - Independent news and views for the tech community. Part of Situation Publishing