back to article BOFH: The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample

"It's called Selection Bias," I say to the Boss. "What do you mean?" "I mean they're cherry-picking research that supports their opinion." "How?" "Okay, so say I think that playing first person shooter games gives you migraines." "It does," the Boss says. "No it doesn't," the PFY says. "It does - I get them every time I …

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  1. Dr. Mouse

    Brilliant

    suddenly I'm selling a chair endorsed by a certified IT professional with a background in health and usability research... And not a suggestible hypochondriac with the IT skillset of a potato

    Well done once again, Simon!

    1. Jason 24
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Brilliant

      Beat me to to it ---> see icon, what's the PO address for a new one again?

  2. Geoff May (no relation)

    "IT skillset of a potato"

    Now there is an expression that can be widely applied ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

      I have programmed a computer using potatoes. I doubt I could do anything so productive with the BOFH's Boss.

    2. stucs201

      Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

      Be careful if the potato is GLaDOS...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

        I think the potato meme has been worn a bit thin by the morons of youtube hasnt it?

    3. Number6

      Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

      There wouldn't be IT if it wasn't for chips. Which are made from potatoes.

      1. You aint sin me, roit
        Coat

        Hold on...

        Potato plus zinc plus copper = bright* spark!

        * Comedic purposes.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

        Not just chips, french fries too!

      3. Don MacVittie

        Re: "IT skillset of a potato"

        I worked at a digital mapping/GIS software shop that hired a CMO away from Lays Inc. (potato chip manufacturer) We commonly said "computer chips are not potato chips" when he did dumb things, which was all the freaking time.

  3. Alien8n

    Photography can make you deaf

    It's true. I was doing some photography last night* and my ears are still ringing.

    * the fact that the photography was in a live music venue and I forgot my ear plugs is entirely coincidental**.

    ** That and the fact music photographers tend to be directly in front of the speakers half the time

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
      Gimp

      Re: Photography can make you deaf

      It can also give you a sore stripy arse.

      Though that only seems to happen when I do fetish photography for some strange reason...

      1. Alien8n

        Re: Photography can make you deaf

        Strange you should mention that... I know the house photographer at Club Antichrist.

  4. Roq D. Kasba

    By any chance...

    ...was that a Certified Independent Natural Antivirus Coordinator?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: By any chance...

      It was a certified unbiased network therapist, actually.

  5. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
    Pint

    If I had kids I'd make Simon's BOFH stories compulsory reading for them.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Happy

      If I had kids I'd hide the BOFH stories as well as I could.

      I started to read Simon's stories during my formative years. Now see what became of me! Yes, I took one or the other inspiration from his stories. But certainly I disposed of less people than the BOFH.

      1. Sixtysix
        Pirate

        ...fewer?

        I'd really HOPE that all commentards, probably combined, have disposed of considerably less bodies than the BOFH or the PFY!

      2. Robert Moore
        Gimp

        Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Andrei Chikatilo, and Gary Ridgway combined have disposed of fewer people than the BOFH, and PFY.

        1. fishman

          "Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, Andrei Chikatilo, and Gary Ridgway combined have disposed of fewer people than the BOFH, and PFY."

          Sounds like an episode where its the BOFH vs Sherlock Holmes would be interesting.

          1. oldcoder

            Sherlock would likely help dispose of the body. He can't stand deliberate stupidity either.

          2. VanguardG

            I recall there *being* a Holmes episode, actually...not really a "vs" scenario, though.

            http://bofh.bjash.com/Bastard1998-1.html

        2. theblackhand

          But...

          While Simon and the PFY have disposed of more bodies, if Dahmer/Bundy/et el had focussed more on accountants, managers and HR they may have avoided some of the damage to their reputations...

      3. Anonymous Prime
        Devil

        >>I started to read Simon's stories during my formative years.

        If I had discovered BOFH during my college years (when I worked as a computer lab assistant, teaching Word 6(66) to students who barely knew how to type and had waited 'til the eleventh hour to start writing their reports) I'd be in prison.

      4. Deimos
        Happy

        BOFH plus kids =

        I foolishly let my eldest child read my BOFH archive plus "The Prince" and Kevin Mitnick..

        She now works at a nice admin job managing real rocket scientists and sending stuff to crash on Mars. I was worried that my library might be a bad influence so I didn't give her siblings access, they all work in retail.

        Suffice to say that I'm leaving my library to my grandchildren and seeding the books with fivers to encourage reading them.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: BOFH plus kids =

          "She now works at a nice admin job managing real rocket scientists and sending stuff to crash on Mars."

          So it's all your fault?

          1. GrapeBunch

            Re: BOFH plus kids =

            AS: I especially like the Iodine-tinged lipstick. But getting back to bizniss:

            " "She now works at a nice admin job managing real rocket scientists and sending stuff to crash on Mars."

            So it's all your fault? "

            Fault shared between Deimos and, Urban-Legendly, this: =============> ;

  6. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    My daily business

    If need be, I select and test a sample on the basis of probable error and then write something like "14 out of a risk-based sample of 20 items were deficient." That the addressee of my report will think about an error rate of 70 per cent - well, that's part of the game.

    Of course, to the best of my knowledge it might just as well be a total of 14 errors out of a population of umpteen thousands. But based on the approach it is simply not possible to draw any conclusions on the population.

  7. Unicornpiss
    Happy

    Au Gratin..

    "IT skillset of a potato.."

    But there were those kits where you could make a clock out of a potato. Sounds like the basis for a "Time Management" IT consultant position with proven credentials...

  8. Craig 2

    I always wondered what MCP stood for: Microsoft Certified Potato

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      It used to be MCSE.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Yes, MCSE: Microsoft Certified Solanum tuberosum Expert

        But people aren't comfortable with latin, so they changed it.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Trilkhai

        "Microsoft Certified Consulting Expert"

        I like the version from about 20 years ago better — 'Must Call Somebody Else.'

    2. Steve the Cynic

      "I always wondered what MCP stood for"

      Master Control Program, duh.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Culling the herd...

    Send out an email warning users never to click on a link embedded within an email, with an embedded link saying "Click here for more information..." and then sack everyone who does.

    1. <shakes head>

      Re: Culling the herd...

      you laugh we are doing that at the moment......... well not fired, but a sever talking to

      1. The First Dave

        Re: Culling the herd...

        Then presumably you are going to negate it all by using a trustworthy internal email address...

      2. Jimboom

        Re: Culling the herd...

        "sever talking to"

        You cut them as you are talking to them? With Blade servers presumably. I prefer the cat5-o-nine-tails myself, but hey whatever works.

      3. Alistair
        Windows

        Re: Culling the herd...

        @shakes head.

        I'd almost suspect I know who you work for.

        'cept over here they're throwing servers at people that click the link.

        old servers

        Like, Vclass.

        1. nullacritter

          Re: Culling the herd...

          Gawd - Vclass , that is not something I have heard of for a long while. The mob who used it at Woolies took a dim view when I suggested we could use it as a heated lunch table. No sense of humour.

      4. Mine's a Large One
        Joke

        Re: Culling the herd...

        If that's not a typo, that's a very severe talking to!!

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Culling the herd...

        If you thinking what I'm thinking, that would be the email supposedly from a colour laser jet!! :-)

      6. Ididntbringacoat

        Re: Culling the herd...

        So, what part(s) do you sever? And to you really speak while doing it?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Culling the herd...

      We did this last week at the NHS, albeit due to incompetance rather than a carefully thought out herd-culling plan.

      A "test" email was sent to all staff.

      Many idiots were exposed as people who think the right way to express their absolute apoplectic fury at being sent an email is to hit the "reply-to-all" button

      1. Unicornpiss
        Facepalm

        Re: Culling the herd...

        A coworker sent out an alert to our building about the latest scam circulating, including a screenshot of the original message, showing the link and with instructions that "if you receive this, DO NOT click the link, just delete the message." (obviously not with a live link, for obvious reasons)

        Within 5 minutes he got back the first reply: "I can't click on the link! What am I doing wrong?"

        1. Terry 6 Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Culling the herd...

          Oh God yes.

          A few years back I sent out an edited version of an email like this, ( I think it was of the "your computer has a problem, click here to resolve it" variety - something like that) that a staff member had received and sensibly shown to me. I sent it with roughly that message, and with with the link(s) deleted.

          It is a small organisation, - a couple of dozen staff- and I spent much of the remainder of the day being interrupted by people coming up to me and saying "I got your message, but I couldn't get the button to click".

          Something about computers scares normally intelligent people to being unthinking, unobservant, uncritical sheep.

          Icon used in lieu of a proper despair icon

          1. Myvekk

            Re: Culling the herd...

            True.

            I have seen & spoken to many people who, when placed in front of a computer, or other piece of "hi-tech" equipment, suffer from a paralytic brain freeze. They suddenly lose all intelligence, problem solving ability & common sense.

      2. Laura Kerr
        Thumb Up

        Re: Culling the herd...

        "hit the "reply-to-all" button"...

        ... telling everyone to stop replying to all.

        Oh yes, they did. Lots of them.

        Some of the addresses were automated ticketing systems. That replied to all. One or two people even replied to all, asking why the tickets had been assigned to them. Definitely a popcorn day.

        I ended up deleting 322 of the things, and I suspect I got off lightly. I've kept the original for posterity :-)

    3. Marcelo Rodrigues
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Culling the herd...

      "Send out an email warning users never to click on a link embedded within an email, with an embedded link saying "Click here for more information..." and then sack everyone who does."

      Priceless! LOLing* here! :D

      * Yes, I took "LOL" and made it into a verb. I am low enough to do this. :D

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