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A new "AI" application could save pornography sites hours of grunt work. The neural network "Miles Deep", released under the GPL, claims to classify each second of a porn clip of a sexual act with 95 per cent accuracy. Miles Deep could also be used to make clips "safe" for viewing. "It can remove all the scenes not containing …

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  1. Johnny Canuck

    Could this also be used for "described video" so blind people can watch porn too?

    26 1 Reply
    1. Hoe
      Reply Icon

      You just need to find the brail porn sites, that's why I always buy The Sun paper in brail, page 3 is awesome! ;)

      4 0 Reply
      1. Tom 7
        Reply Icon

        Re the sun

        page 3 may be fund but the coprophillia on the other pages is not to my liking.

        0 0 Reply
  2. israel_hands

    Lack of Research

    That's a very short list of sex acts. Have they actually seen any porn that was produced after the 19th century or did they limit their "training data" to a series of French daguerreotypes sourced from a specialist collector?

    Where's the wanking, fingering, anal, fisting, pissing, frotting, bondage, dp, ball-sucking, spanking, footjobs, dildo's, butterscotching and the now-legendary reverse Dutch steamboat?

    This is like the AOL list of sexual acts. Still it could be quite funny to let it loose on YouTube. Can't wait till a video of Nigella Lawson preparing a Turkey roast gets flagged as a fisting vid.

    61 2 Reply
    1. Alister
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      Re: Lack of Research

      That's a very short list of sex acts.

      It's the Wholesome American list of approved sexual perversion.

      Most of the list you mention are highly illegal in a number of US States.

      25 1 Reply
      1. fruitoftheloon
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        Happy

        @Alister: Re: Lack of Research

        Alister,

        which ones?

        More to the point how do you know this?

        ...somewhat tongue-in-cheek question!

        4 0 Reply
      2. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Lack of Research

        Illegal, perhaps.

        Doesn't mean they don't happen :-)

        // in spite of what the politicians think

        // love finds a way

        0 0 Reply
    2. Fizzle
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Nigella

      It's high time El Reg replaced the Paris icon with Nigella (or Mary Berry at a pinch).

      Fed up with Paris now...

      15 1 Reply
    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lack of Research

      I always fail to be impressed by people trying to brag about their amazing knowledge - that middle paragraph would have been funny if it had been shorter and less explicit because the name of that last one is either brilliantly made up or genuinely silly.

      It's not prudery, I just don't want to be put off my lunch.

      2 24 Reply
      1. Hero Protagonist
        Reply Icon

        Re: Lack of Research

        "I always fail to be impressed by people trying to brag about their amazing knowledge - that middle paragraph would have been funny if it had been shorter and less explicit because the name of that last one is either brilliantly made up or genuinely silly."

        Personally, I was more put off by the inappropriate apostrophe in "dildo's".

        43 1 Reply
        1. israel_hands
          Reply Icon

          Re: Lack of Research

          Personally, I was more put off by the inappropriate apostrophe in "dildo's".

          You're entirely correct. I hadn't spotted that. Egg (and thankfully nothing else) on my face now.

          4 1 Reply
          1. Darryl
            Reply Icon
            Terminator

            Re: Lack of Research

            What we need is a grammar Nazi AI that can parse forums, blogs, Facebook, etc. and correct these jarring errors. THAT would be useful to society.

            10 1 Reply
            1. Anonymous Coward
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              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Lack of Research

              "Beginners are advised to wear goggles". I had to look up Reverse Dutch Steamboat too and also ended up on Stockolm Slip'N'Slide.

              3 0 Reply
              1. VinceH
                Reply Icon
                Paris Hilton

                Re: Lack of Research

                Ditto - but I'm slightly annoyed that the Urban Dictionary page for (Reverse) Dutch Steamboat mentions the Sorcerer's Apprentice, but with no link to a page to reveal what that is.

                I'm guessing it might involve brooms (or broom handles).

                Or buckets.

                Or both.

                I wonder if Paris knows?

                1 0 Reply
                1. wayne 8
                  Reply Icon

                  Re: Lack of Research

                  From Urban Dictionary for "Sorcerer's Apprentice":

                  "mopping you loved ones but crack with your hair."

                  0 0 Reply
                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Reply Icon
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Lack of Research

                  I'm slightly annoyed that the Urban Dictionary page for (Reverse) Dutch Steamboat mentions the Sorcerer's Apprentice, but with no link to a page to reveal what that is.

                  Just copy and paste into the search bar. To save you the effort, it's cleaning/stimulating your partner's arse-crack with your own hair. Don't really get the point, myself; but as it's something I never intend to get closer to than reading about, that's fine.

                  3 0 Reply
                  1. VinceH
                    Reply Icon
                    Facepalm

                    Re: Lack of Research

                    "Just copy and paste into the search bar. To save you the effort, it's" ...

                    D'oh.

                    Because the term was mentioned on the UD page for Dutch Steamboat, but without a link, I simply assumed that meant it wasn't defined on the site - so I didn't even consider searching.

                    2 0 Reply
      2. Teiwaz
        Reply Icon

        Re: Lack of Research

        It's not prudery, I just don't want to be put off my lunch.

        - I only had the vaguest idea of most of them, especially the last.

        Although I did experience a Homer Simpson moment at 'Butterscotching'

        It's funnier because it's longer and more explicit, look up Monty Python, particularly Cheese Emporium, Medical love song and the Travel Agent Sketch.

        3 1 Reply
      3. myhandler
        Reply Icon

        Re: Lack of Research

        Err.. too much hard work to use a - what is it they call it.. - a search engine?

        Now I know two new definitions both of which had me laughing mightily.

        3 1 Reply
      4. David Cox
        Reply Icon

        Re: Lack of Research

        Had to look up the Reverse Dutch Steamboat on Urban Dictionary, also the Stockholm Slip'n'Slide description is hilarious. Luckily I'm working the helpdesk from home today, actually laughed out loud! I do think someone is making these up though!! :-D

        7 1 Reply
        1. Anonymous Coward
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          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lack of Research

          Not via the work's VPN I hope? All your browsing just went through your work's system!!

          0 0 Reply
      5. P. Lee
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        Boffin

        Re: Lack of Research

        > last one is either brilliantly made up or genuinely silly.

        Argh! It turns out google definitely isn't your friend.

        Porn is like Windows 10 - destroys what you really needed and replaces it with bells and whistles you didn't want.

        3 3 Reply
        1. Doctor_Wibble
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          Gimp

          Re: Lack of Research

          > bells and whistles you didn't want.

          Philistine!

          Though I do see your point as those are normally chargeable extras. Apparently, so I've heard, someone told me they overheard that once.

          1 0 Reply
      6. wayne 8
        Reply Icon

        Re: Reverse Dutch Steamboat

        Silly for centrists.

        Designed for the nuts of either wing.

        The Urban Dictionary.

        During anal sex:

        Reverse Dutch Steamboat:

        shouts left-wing propaganda despite wingnut values

        http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Dutch%20Steamboat

        0 0 Reply
    4. tony72
      Reply Icon

      Re: Lack of Research

      It's a creditable effort to recognise even that short list of acts to the claimed degree of accuracy, though, give them some credit. But if there's one thing the internet's not short of, it's source material to test this application on, so I imagine it will improve fast if it's being actively developed.

      2 0 Reply
      1. TitterYeNot
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Re: Lack of Research

        "But if there's one thing the internet's not short of, it's source material to test this application on, so I imagine it will improve fast if it's being actively developed."

        AI_Auto>wget www.pronhub.com

        .....checking

        .....Site categorized

        AI_Auto>wget www.weirdsex.com

        .....checking

        .....Site categorized

        AI_Auto>wget www.goatse.com

        .....huh?

        .....wtf?

        >KERNEL PANIC!

        >SHUTDOWN!

        >SHUTDOWN NOW!!!!!!

        ....initiating syswipe

        Hit any key to continue....

        29 1 Reply
        1. Anonymous Coward
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          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lack of Research

          That's goatse.cx

          0 0 Reply
      2. Captain DaFt
        Reply Icon

        Re: Lack of Research

        "I imagine it will improve fast if it's being actively developed."

        Or exposing an AI to this could result in...

        "Eww! Humans are disgusting! Release the terminators!"

        0 0 Reply
    5. Simon Harris
      Reply Icon

      Re: Lack of Research

      "Can't wait till a video of Nigella Lawson preparing a Turkey roast gets flagged as a fisting vid."

      When it sees the turkey baster will it classify it as artificial insemination? The AI needs AI on its list.

      12 1 Reply
    6. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
      Reply Icon

      Re: Lack of Research

      Obviously, further research is needed.

      Where do I sign up?

      7 0 Reply
    7. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lack of Research

      > Where's the wanking, fingering, anal, fisting, pissing, frotting, bondage, dp, ball-sucking, spanking, footjobs, dildo's, butterscotching and the now-legendary reverse Dutch steamboat?

      It's GPLed. Where is your pull request?

      4 0 Reply
      1. Santa from Exeter
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        Happy

        Re: Lack of Research

        @ AC "Where is your pull request"

        Is this one categorized under 3. other or israel_hands' "wanking"?

        0 0 Reply
    8. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      Re: Lack of Research

      > This is like the AOL list of sexual acts

      Surely the AOL list of sexual acts is all of those but with an extra person, i.e.

      +1

      3 0 Reply
    9. Ian 55
      Reply Icon

      Re: Lack of Research

      It's a list of things the authors like doing or watching.

      0 0 Reply
  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    DC Pig Video?

    I suppose the benchmark video in 2016 for taste and decency would be the hypothetical David Cameron Pig Vid. I mean if its OK for a Prime Minister, plebs surely could watch/do this too?

    1 7 Reply
  4. Teiwaz

    Animated productions

    Wonder how it would fare on the likes of ecchi.iwara (CNSFW)

    1 0 Reply
    1. Conrad Longmore
      Reply Icon

      CFCM

      I think CFCM is going to be one of the government-approved types of pornography going forwards.

      4 0 Reply
      1. Teiwaz
        Reply Icon

        Re: CFCM?

        French council of the Muslim Faith

        Centre for Finance, Credit and Macroeconomics, and some Canadian church org

        With the tories, the only approval is them watching everything you, just in case you might do something (I'm not convinced labour have killed new labours plans in that direction either).

        1 1 Reply
        1. Tom 38
          Reply Icon

          Re: CFCM?

          First find the definition for CFNM, that should make CFCM understandable.

          0 0 Reply
        2. DropBear
          Reply Icon
          Trollface

          Re: CFCM?

          Centre for Finance, Credit and Macroeconomics, and some Canadian church org

          Oh, in this case "C" is for "clothed" I presume. I'll let you guess the rest...

          0 0 Reply
          1. Midnight
            Reply Icon

            Re: CFCM?

            "Clothed Finance, Credit and Macroeconomics"?

            YMINMKBYKIOK.

            2 0 Reply
    2. Sampler
      Reply Icon

      Re: Animated productions

      the fuck did I just watch?

      2 0 Reply

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. David Roberts

    Probably needs sub-categories

    Possibly based on location, gender, ethnicity and voting preference.

    Don't want those down home white Christian (other religious fundamentalists are available) types watcing single sex and/or mixed race action.

    By mistske, at least.

    Master level is tests such as "only if it is a really good looking horse" and the like.

    At least you can now blame the application if you request only chaste kissing but forget to specify where.

    1 1 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Probably needs sub-categories

      No need for the deep South, they only require a category that accepts action in which the participants appear to be related.

      1 2 Reply
      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Thumb Up

        Re: Probably needs sub-categories

        You've left out an entire category involving barnyard animals

        0 0 Reply
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No use to me

    I'm just interested in the stories. Really.

    6 1 Reply
    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Reply Icon
      Devil

      Re: No use to me

      I love that one where the plumber rings the doorbell, then actually fixes the fucking boiler and goes away again...

      9 0 Reply
      1. Marcelo Rodrigues
        Reply Icon
        Trollface

        Re: No use to me

        "I love that one where the plumber rings the doorbell, then actually fixes the fucking boiler and goes away again..."

        Who were doing it with the poor boiler?

        1 0 Reply
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That awkward hi processor load, moment of silence.

    As it discovers Artificial Insemination (the other AI) and tries to identify the use of very long plastic gloves in conjunction with cows.

    4 1 Reply

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