back to article HPE UK overlord lines up sales generals, gives ra ra speech

The classic management domino affect has reached Hewlett Packard Enterprise’s UK team with new broom Marc Waters naming his sales lieutenants. Changes started in July when EMEA boss Peter Ryan was made global sales head for the Enterprise Group, he was replaced by UK boss Andy Isherwood who was then succeeded by UK EG boss …

  1. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Alert

    "To beat the competition and have fun while we win."

    AKA the beatings will continue until morale improves.

  2. nsld
    Paris Hilton

    Surprised

    He didn't go full Conan and say:

    "To crush your enemies -- See them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!"

    Now that would motivate the sales team although the HR department might have some issues!

    1. BebopWeBop

      Re: Surprised

      although the HR department might have some issues

      Hmm - not met many HR people recently have you?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Translation

    While I'm not a fan of 'big business speak' sometimes in such enterprises you need to talk the lingo if for no other reason than to demonstrate some experience in working in that type of environment. People use these phrases to show some level of experience/seniority. No-one necessarily likes it, or talks like that in real life but sometimes you just have to play the game.

    "developing increased vertical relevance” = means making your offering appear more focused on particular industry sectors. Produce marketing and solution architectures focused on Oil or retail or banking and those potential customers will feel you have a better fit product for their needs.

    "He is to “bridge” innovative technical capability with a go-to-market plan" = make sure his presales team have the correct technical skills that match the sort of things they are trying to sell.

    it's not all total gibberish....

    1. Alister
      Thumb Up

      Re: Translation

      @AC

      Thank you!

      Would you consider writing an English - BizSpeak Dictionary?

      I'm sure it would sell.

  4. ToddR

    Sorry AC but the Biztalk is utter b*********s and everyone apart from the balloons spouting it can see the nakedness of Emperor Whitman and her courtiers.

  5. Bob Rocket

    re: Translation

    'or talks like that in real life'

    but they do talk like that, I've met them.

    Waters was talking about ladders, the PHB was cleaning out the gutters at the weekend using his old but serviceable wooden ladders, they took so long to set up that it started to rain.

    "go fast in setting up to win"

    Had he been quicker he wouldn't have got wet.

    Pip is working on longer ones.

    Mark A is thinking of folding or sliding

    Mark F is asking the customers

    Sean is evaluating platform ones

    Lee, Bob and Amanda hold the bottom

    Ian and Matt work from home

    Company Kool-Aid all round

  6. Lee D Silver badge

    Allow me to relay a telephone conversation I've just had with someone from HPE only a matter of minutes ago:

    Them: Hi, this is X from HPE, I just wanted to...

    Me: If HPE phone me again, I will add you to the switchboard blacklist, thanks very much, goodbye.

    Seriously, they - and their resellers - are bugging the life out of me. I admin a small school but we have some really good kit and NOT ONE BIT of it is HP. There's a reason for that - everything from these kinds of phone calls all the time to just not selling a single thing I'm interested in.

    And when I *tell* them that we don't have - nor want - a single HPE machine, service or anything else, they don't stop. Any other company with half a brain just says "Okay, no problem. Do you mind if I give you a call in six months or so?". And you know what, THAT I don't mind. Even if the answer is going to be the same in six months and I KNOW that for a fact.

    But HPE have just one nerve of mine left before I just start blocking their calls at the switchboard entirely. And they have no interest in fixing that situation.

    Spent £250k with IBM/Lenovo on server kit, though. And have literally NEVER had an un-asked-for phone call from them.

    HPE have definitely had a massive push in this area over the last year or so, it's highly noticeable but from my point of view it's been nothing but counterproductive in increasing their actual sales.

    I've just made a bet with my technician over how long before we find out that HPE are actually bankrupt and desperate for any custom to salvage that.

    1. Youngone Silver badge

      @ Lee D

      I get those calls from Cisco resellers. I don't know why, that kit is all purchased out of HO in the US and they know that, (or at least I tell them that every time they ring).

      Some poor phone jockey who is measured on the number of calls they make I suspect.

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