Buy Prelert, the world needs
When I was seven my cousin just prevented me from reading out the "If Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the rudeword in Scunthorpe?" graffito from Nigel Rees's book to the assembled family.
I imagine doing so would probably have scuppered the idea of getting a ZX80 for my eighth birthday and who knows, may have meant I never became a Reg commentard.
Life is indeed a bowl of toenails.