back to article Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

This week, Microsoft tried to connect with college-age kids, and it did not go over particularly well. An after-party invite sent out to interns in San Francisco tried its best to be cool, like fresh straight from the fridge daddy-o cool. The end result was predictable. My roommate received this email from a Microsoft …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Unbelievable!

    Not enough spelling errors and not a single "yo!"?

  2. AlexS
    Headmaster

    TRANSLATION

    When you arrive you will be taken to a back room, and interrogated about why you haven't upgraded to Windows 10.

    1. Dave Ross

      Even if you already have!

    2. Mark Simon

      … and how you managed not to …

  3. Tommy Pock

    I saw this and assumed it was just a wind-up. You know when your dad turns up at a party wearing MC Hammer harem pants demanding that...

    ...look,I'm making this up. I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email. There isn't one.

    Microsoft have reached peak cringe, fam.

    1. Captain DaFt

      " I was trying to think of an analogous moment which is comparable to that horrifically embarrassing email."

      Got one: Your date arrives just in time to meet your parents... Who are heading out to a Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing... in full costume.

      "Dammit dad! If you have to wear fishnet stockings in public, would it kill you to at least shave your legs??"

      1. Paul Woodhouse

        I think my childhood officially ended the day I gave my parents a lift to a Rocky Horror concert.

        1. Rich 11

          You were driving while still a child?

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Haven't you seen the sign? Drive slowly children.

            1. AndrueC Silver badge
              Happy

              Or the related sign that we actually had outside our house in the 1970s while the housing estate was being built.

              "Danger, children".

  4. Blofeld's Cat
    Devil

    Ah...

    Some people just never learn ...

    Innocent young college kid goes for a "meeting" with a stranger and then wakes up the next morning, in an unfamiliar box, with a massive, alcohol-induced headache and suddenly realises that someone has ...

    ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

    1. agatum

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

      When in uni I certainly had my share of horrible mornings after all night 'studying' but not nearly horrendous as that.

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Ah...

        Exactly the sort of dose you regret after a night out.

    2. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their Macbook.

      (Keep in mind this is the bay area we're talking here. High hipster Mac user density)

    3. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Coat

      Something's missing

      "where did all that blood come from?"

      Mine's the one with the well-thumbed copy of "Amateur Pharmacology" in the pocket.

    4. Stoneshop
      Windows

      Re: Ah...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop.

      At least this method is less dishonest

    5. Faceless Man

      Re: Ah...

      "Innocent young college kid goes for a "meeting" with a stranger and then wakes up the next morning, in an unfamiliar box, with a massive, alcohol-induced headache and suddenly realises that someone has ...

      ... installed Windows 10 on their laptop."

      I think you mean "wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with a note on the mirror saying 'Welcome to Windows 10' scrawled on it."

    6. Updraft102

      Re: Ah...

      Well, that would at least rectify the part where MS said," The email was poorly worded and not in keeping with our values as a company."

  5. a_yank_lurker

    Delusions of Competence

    How about treaty these recruits like adults and not 12 year olds? But I forgot this is Slurp whose cluelessness knows no bounds.

    1. Allan George Dyer
      Childcatcher

      Re: Delusions of Competence

      Are you saying that your idea of how to treat 12 year olds is to invite them to wild, late-night parties with alcohol? Should we be reporting you to someone?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Delusions of Competence

        He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Delusions of Competence

          He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink.

          Even most English beers don't cause you to be drink, it's still about consumption rather than transformation. Although after a few pints of Death or Glory, you do start to wonder what exactly is flowing through your veins.

          1. TheVogon

            Re: Delusions of Competence

            "He's a yank, their beer just makes you sick without the joys of being drink."

            Drinking English beer turns it into American beer....

      2. Alien8n

        Re: Delusions of Competence

        @Allan exactly. At least my maths teacher waited till I was 13...

        (I lived next door to my maths teacher and was invited to her house warming party. Copious amounts of home brewed ale at the age of 13, needless to say I was a bit wobbly on the way home)

  6. Ropewash

    HAHAHA

    This e-mail isn't some error. It's Windows 10 in text format. Soon all MS internal and external correspondance will be in this format.

    Hey bae accountants, we just got flung some dope revenues and need to drop the latest receipts on you.

    I'd say it was written by Tay, but there's no mention of a final solution.

    1. P. Lee

      Re: HAHAHA

      >I'd say it was written by Tay, but there's no mention of a final solution.

      Hahaha!

      The first rule of Windows 10 Club...

  7. NotArghGeeCee

    Every time I see "<3"...

    ...my first thought is always "less than 3 what?"

    1. m0rt

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      "less than 3 what?"

      Ahhhh, you must be a physicist.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Every time I see "<3"...

        bae <3

        Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.

        1. Ben Bonsall

          Re: Every time I see "<3"...

          'bae <3

          Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas.'

          Seeing as bae is Danish for shit, seems legit.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

            1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

              Re: Every time I see "<3"...

              Ah, the double polaroid moment:

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ofl_UP3apM

              1. m0rt

                @GrumpenKraut Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                'Or rather a mathimaticist?'

                If that was the case, he would have thought: ' What less than 3?' as opposed to 'Less than 3 what?'

            2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Every time I see "<3"...

              Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                "Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?"

                I think it means you spend too much time thinking about cock and balls.

              2. hplasm
                Happy

                Re: Every time I see "<3"...

                "Yeah, it always looks like a cock and balls to me too. So what *does* it mean?"

                Asshat?

        2. bombastic bob Silver badge

          Re: Every time I see "<3"...

          "Looks as if someone tried to depict BAE letting off gas."

          or an unusual (and apparently partial) depiction of male anatomy

      2. GrumpenKraut
        Coat

        Re: Every time I see "<3"...

        > Ahhhh, you must be a physicist.

        Or rather a mathimaticist?

        1. Fungus Bob
          Trollface

          Re: physicist, mathimaticist

          Better than a plain, old cyst...

    2. AndrueC Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      I still think of that emoticon as 'Ice Cream Cone'.

      So apparently the party is going to include ice cream.

    3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Every time I see "<3"...

      Fewer than 3 Shirley?

  8. Oengus

    Language pack

    Microsoft have added a new language pack to Windows 10 and Office 365 - "English (Hipster)". Daily updates required to keep up with the latest buzzwords.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Language pack

      Is it currently up to date then based on that email? Just checking as I don't speak Hipster.

      1. imanidiot Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Language pack

        Nobody knows. Only a hipster could check that but typewriters don't have spellcheckers

  9. Big-nosed Pengie
    Headmaster

    "An after-party invite sent out to interns..."

    "Invite" is a verb. The noun you're looking for is "invitation".

    Or are you just trying to impress college age kids?

  10. Magani
    WTF?

    UK Connection?

    "Hey Bae intern <3"

    British Aerospace are taking interns?

    1. Felonmarmer

      Re: UK Connection?

      But only one or two.

  11. Pete 48

    Shit

    Bæ/bae is a Danish word for shit.

    Translation:

    "Hi Shit Intern with less than 3 IQ"

    Good to see Microsoft still has a high standard of recruitment, theyre only looking for the shit interns.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shit

      Ouch… maybe that explains why they've been making a complete tits-up of the usual patch testing regime lately.

  12. charles paul

    Oh man... the mistake Microsoft made is assuming that all of their interns would be cool... Who would be offended by an email like this? (aside from people who are offended by urban slang and getting drunk on Monday nights...)

    Big turds for whoever shared this email.

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