I don't see why not.
I spent years married to an inanimate object!
...
Wasn't getting off on it though, hence the past tense.
A Tennessee man is suing Utah because, like the rest of America, it won't let him marry his computer. Chris Sevier has previously complained that Apple let him become addicted to porn; now he wants to “go legal” with the love of his life. In a leap of logic that gave El Reg a side-eye headache, he's also miffed that he can't …
Utah is a common-law marriage state. All he has to do is wait, then announce it in the papers (just to piss everybody off). There is also, in the US, the ability for Indian Nations to perform a tribal ceremony, so there's possibilities there.
Plus you might as well let him marry the computer, because he's never getting laid again now this has hit the papers.
Not convinced of the chap's sanity; but I can't see that it does any harm or is any of anyone else's business.
Linux would be cheap, accommodating and a little bit basic.
Actually, had another way to solve the chap's problems...he could send away for one of those mail-order license to marry (or rent a boat to captain) and -with a bit of video editing- perform and star in the ceremony himself. I'd love to see what the courts could do about that. If they even bothered, the case would be hilarious.
Perhaps if you married your Windows PC it would stop going down on you all the time.
Cough... cough... sputter... sputter... And why do you think it is good for it to stop doing so? In the context of the spirit of such discussions on The Register of course: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/02/11/itaughttaylorswifthowtogiveheadcom/
If it wasn't for the mention of Apple, I'd be inclined to think he wants to put his dongle in Microsoft. (NSFW)
> Cough... cough... sputter... sputter... And why do you think it is good for it to stop doing so?
Because it's apparently not PC to be intimate with your HW
http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/latest/2015/09/15/anti_robot_prostitution_campaign/
If they have anything where he lives like the law that used to apply in the UK (repealed many many decades ago) where IIRC a wife could not be forced to testify against her husband in any trial, then this would allow him to get up to all sorts of computer related shenanigans and be immune to any searches of his PC by law enforcement.
Could start a trend for hackers if this wild guess is anywhere near the mark.
1) Just charge him 5K for the marriage paperwork (still cheaper than the wedding, even if the fiancée doesn't invite many guest from her side - well or at least they don't drink a lot)
2) tell him any future upgrade will need a divorce (same fee) and a re-marriage.
And that's it! Now he can, but does not want to do it anymore...
We just need to say "just shut up and fuck off you daft cunt" to people like this. What a fucking waste of everyone's time over one sad wanker.
Son, we all crack one off now and then whilst browsing certain sites, but most of us have the sense not to make a fuss about it. (Yes, I'm aware of the irony.)