back to article German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

A Munich man has set what may prove an unassailable record for the number of steel rings lodged on a penis after presenting himself at a local hospital with no less than 13 engorgement aids encircling his swollen member. Die Welt explains that the unnamed 52-year-old had endured four days of entrapment when he rolled up at …

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  1. BugabooSue
    Facepalm

    Beyone Said...

    "Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it

    If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it"

    I'm not sure this is what she meant! Silly Boy ;)

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: Beyone Said...

      That was so cutting.

    2. Beachrider

      If they only kept feeding the guy 'Blue Diamonds'...

      It might have been possible to attain more hardness than the blade. Did they try it?

  2. Peter Simpson 1
    Thumb Up

    Points for the image

    ...and the imagery :-)

    "Right. That's two. Henrik, get me another blade, and another five gallons of cooling fluid, will you?"

    1. Danny 14

      Re: Points for the image

      Friday afternoon summer cooling fluid?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Points for the image

      ...and the imagery :-)

      I don't know about you, but I did have an involuntary cringe reaction from the combination of story subject and picture..

      I would have tried putting it on ice. Ice, ice, baby etc.

      1. 404

        Re: Points for the image

        If sitting in an ER with 13 rings around your Precious didn't convince you that perhaps you may be just unlucky, I don't believe adding frostbite to said Precious would be conducive to an active sex life...

        Just saying...

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Points for the image

          The preciousssssss

          3 rings for the Elven Kings, under the sky,

          7 for the Dwarf lords, in their halls of stone,

          13 for mortal Men, doomed to die,

          One for the Dark Lord, on his Dark Throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

          One Ring to rule them all,

          One Ring to find them,

          One Ring to bring them all,

          Except for those 13, which are all icky, and I don't want stinking up my beautiful Barad Dur! Thankyou!

          1. Frank Marsh
            Thumb Up

            Re: Points for the image

            I ain't Spartacus: How did I overlook the Lord of the Rings connection? That would have been a travesty. I regret that I have but one upvote to give.

        2. Pompous Git Silver badge

          Re: Points for the image

          I don't believe adding frostbite to said Precious would be conducive to an active sex life...

          Can you get frostbite from methedrine these days? Whoda thunkit? Fifty years ago it just made you ejaculate without an erection and without an orgasm. Bit of a waste of money if you ask me...

  3. PhilipN Silver badge

    How to dissipate the heat?

    I mean during the grinding process (snort... snigger) each piece of metal would run hot enough too .... Ouch. Forget it. I don't even want to go there.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: I feel sorry for the guy...

      I mean, knowing that one wrong move, one nervous twitch on the part of the saw operator and your family allowance is gone for good... it must be like staring over the edge of a priapos.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I feel sorry for the guy...

        "one nervous twitch on the part of the saw operator and your family allowance is gone for good"

        Well, it did say he was 52 years old, so perhaps he's already finished polluting our gene pool.

        1. AC Wilson

          Re: I feel sorry for the guy...

          The problem being with the gene pool that there is no life guard on duty...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    13 ring dick technique?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      13 rings...

      definitely unlucky for some.

  5. Dr Who

    Bet he was cockahoop when they finally got them all off.

  6. DJV Silver badge
    Facepalm

    What a nob!

    See title!

    1. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: What a nob!

      Knob?

      David Cameron is a nob (and possibly also a knob, but that is a matter of opinion).

  7. Alistair
    Coat

    His female companion

    Mentioned that she enjoyed the ridges on the condoms, but was allergic to the latex.

    He seems an accommodating sort.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: His female companion

      Why female? Just saying...

      1. 404

        Re: His female companion

        The 13 Rings and the One O-Ring That Ruled Them All...

        Heard that someplace....

  8. hi_robb

    This article reminds me....

    That I haven't spoken to my German friend for ages!

    I think I'll give him a ring.....

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: This article reminds me....

      Did you get cut off?

  9. ColonelClaw

    Pedant Alert

    "...with no less than 13..."

    It's 'fewer', not 'less'. Not asking a lot; somebody who writes for a living really ought to know this.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pedant Alert

      They get paid to write this? I'm in the wrong job.

    2. Michael Habel

      Re: Pedant Alert

      I hate these Word Crimes

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Pedant Alert

        As in "no less" used to suggest, often ironically, that something is surprising or impressive.

        "Peter cooked dinner—fillet steak and champagne, no less"

        From some internet dictionary somewhere.

    3. BlackDuke07
      FAIL

      Re: Pedant Alert

      You're going out on a limb there. Forums are full of the 'no less' v 'no fewer' arguement.

      (no less than) Used to emphasize a surprisingly large amount.

      'That test has been applied in this Court on no less than eight subsequent occasions.'

      (OxfordDictionaries)

      I guess he knows.

      I've always wanted to ask a "Grammar Nazi" something. What do you get out of this?

      1. Martin-73 Silver badge

        Re: Pedant Alert

        It's annoying to us to see incorrect usage. Even if it IS listed in 'OxfordDictionaries'.

        Back in my day they knew how to use spaces, where's my sherry

        1. Afernie
          Headmaster

          Re: Pedant Alert

          "Back in my day they knew how to use spaces, where's my sherry"

          You'll get no "arguement" from me.

        2. Bloakey1

          Re: Pedant Alert

          "It's annoying to us to see incorrect usage. Even if it IS listed in 'OxfordDictionaries'.

          Back in my day they knew how to use spaces, where's my sherry"

          Err;

          IS = is

          OxfordDictionaries = Oxford dictionaries

          Spaces = see above

          Where's my sherry = where's my sherry?

          Now call me a pedant but ... pot kettle black !

          1. Dave 126 Silver badge

            Re: Pedant Alert

            >OxfordDictionaries = Oxford dictionaries

            No, it is Oxford Dictionaries. It is the name of an organisation, and thus a proper noun. Similarly, we have British Broadcasting Corporation, BBC, and not Bbc.

            Without the space, OxfordDictionaries suggests to most people here that it is probably a website, and the capitalised D aids legibility.

        3. PNGuinn
          Headmaster

          Re: Pedant Alert

          You forgot the question mark.

        4. Montreal Sean

          Re: Pedant Alert

          @Martin-73

          In my day we learned to use question marks when writing a question.

          Just saying. ;)

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Pedant Alert

            Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUTTHEFUCKINGFUCK UP YOU BASTARD GRAMMAR NAZI FUCKING BASTARDS! WE DON'T FUCKING CARE! NOBODY CARES, NOT ONE FUCKING FUCKER APART FROM YOU!

            AAAARRRGRHHHHH!

            AAAAARRGGHGHGHGGH!

            Nurse! My medication please!

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Headmaster

            Re: Pedant Alert

            Sorry so late to the party. If there's still room, might I throw the poor hapless imbeciles who mistake thus for a "highfalutin" way of saying so into the pot? Please? Especially the ones who allow themselves to become so addled by their ignorance that they start using "thusly" when attempting to evoke thus.

            Also, RE: "There is no Old English equivalent for 'fewer'."

            ...which explains why he was unable to use it, doesn't it? A deficiency which has long since been resolved. Please try to keep up.

        5. BlackDuke07
          Thumb Up

          Re: Pedant Alert

          I should have revisited this thread earlier. I’m reading some interesting and informative posts from GNHQ itself, no fewer.

          It's a website, OxfordDictionaries.com, God knows where the '.com' went; maybe I deleted it.

          I do enjoy reading comments where the GNs start correcting each other. Great stuff… keep up the good fight.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pedant Alert

        Because preserving the correct use of English separates us from the idiots whom believe that "of"

        and "have" are the same word.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pedant Alert

          I could care less about any of this.

          (I really could.)

          1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: Pedant Alert

            "I could care less about any of this."

            NO NO NO NO

            It's I could care fewer.

          2. Fred Dibnah
            Happy

            Re: Pedant Alert

            And from this side of the pond, I couldn't care less about any of this.

            (I really couldn't.)

          3. e^iπ+1=0

            Re: Pedant Alert

            "Re: Pedant Alert

            I could care less about any of this.

            (I really could.)"

            Uhh, I think I couldn't care less!

            I know this is sort of an American vs British thing, but it's interesting to compare the two statements logically and linguistically.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Pedant Alert

              Uhh, I think I couldn't care less!

              I know this is sort of an American vs British thing, but it's interesting to compare the two statements logically and linguistically.

              I think it's more down to how little different people are capable of caring. In my case I quite definitely could care less. My capacity for not caring is rarely tested to its limits even by grammar disputes.

              1. TRT Silver badge

                Re: Pedant Alert

                In my mind "less" and "fewer" are used when there is no indication of the exact number. In other words things like "10 items or fewer", "less than 10grams of cocaine" etc.

                In this instance, the phrase "[...] himself [...] with no less than 13 engorgement aids encircling his swollen member" produces the received meaning of "the chap had 13 rings on his cock, no less" which equals "the chap had 13 rings on his cock, amazingly". Rephrasing the original, it comes out as "presenting himself at a local hospital with an amazing 13 engorgement aids encircling his swollen member"

                It's not that they didn't know how many he had jammed on there, of course they did, it's just that "no less" was being used like an adjective.

                "The person who showed up to perform the removal operation was no less than the head surgical consultant". Being a countable item, shouldn't that be "... operation was no fewer than the head surgical consultant"? Of course not.

            2. KeithR

              Re: Pedant Alert

              "but it's interesting to compare the two statements logically and linguistically."

              Ours (English English) wins on both counts....

          4. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Bloakey1

          Re: Pedant Alert

          "Because preserving the correct use of English separates us from the idiots whom believe that "of"

          and "have" are the same word."

          Whom = who

          1. John 156

            Re: Pedant Alert

            Yes, people who are unable to parse a simple English sentence have no business issuing strictures on correct usage. Clearly, 'who' is the subject of the adjectival clause qualifiying 'idiots'.

        3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Pedant Alert

          Whilst being a grammar pedant myself (my particular bugbear is the inability of some to distinguish the words lose and loose), I also like to wind other pedants up. I do this by liberal use of the word 'fewer' when the correct word is 'less'. This is like fingernails down a blackboard for a died-in-the-wool true grammar nazi.

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