nav search
Data Center Software Security Transformation DevOps Business Personal Tech Science Emergent Tech Bootnotes BOFH

back to article
Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

Silver badge

possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

'Merkins discombobulated by Brown Sauce perhaps?

6
0
Silver badge

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

I didn't know Merkins knew about brown sauce. Don't they use catsup instead? I have often wondered how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup, but nobody has ever been able to tell me.

5
0
Silver badge

how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup,

Tricky. Depends on the recipe.

Using rabbits as a proxy: the carcass is about 60% edible and gross weight (cat) about 4kg ...so 2.4kg of usable cat. Assuming high quality catsup with at least 50% emulsified cat and other ingredients liquid, that's nearly 6 liters of "brown" catsup per cat.

However, "red" catsup is a different matter. You only get around 50ml of blood per kilo of cat so that's about 2.5 cats per liter.

[*] I keep pet rabbits. If Gastropubs think it is OK to serve rabbit without general outrage, I reserve the right to devise cat recipes ;)

23
0
x 7
Silver badge

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

the only thing to put on bacon flaps is KY jelly

4
0
Silver badge

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

Is that Cameron's secret sauce?

2
0
Silver badge

Re: how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup,

@Lysenko - I'm simultaneously horrified at the thought of kitty-ketchup and laughing myself silly - have an upvote! ;-}

5
0
Silver badge

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

'Merkins discombobulated by Brown Sauce perhaps?

Oh heck no, you can buy the glorious HP in the hallowed walmartian stores

0
0

Re: how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup,

I also support your right to devise cat recipes!

Are they any good? What do they taste like? Chicken?

1
0
Silver badge

What do they taste like? Chicken?

Suspiciously reminiscent of Donner Kebabs in certain Mancunian side streets ;)

2
0
Silver badge

Re: how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup,

Depends on how much you feed the cat and the quality and.. consistency of the output. To get a more ketchup-like output, simply vary the food brands at frequent intervals.

Simply slurry, bottle and serve.

0
0
Silver badge

Re: how many cats it takes to make a bottle of catsup,

Are they any good? What do they taste like? Chicken?

They taste remarkably like the dim sims we used to buy in Moonee Ponds (a suburb of Melbourne) back in the 1960s.

1
0
Silver badge

Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

WTF?

What about Halloween? All those kiddies guilty of Felonies. Send them down for 10-15. That'll teach them.

US law is designed by crazies for crazies but this really takes the bacon (sorry, couldn't resist it)

16
1
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

I can think of a few folks (myself included) who could probably be charged with "felony NOT wearing a mask in public," thereby endangering the visual acuity of the general populace.

12
0
Alien

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Came wondering the same

He's charged with "felony wearing a mask in public, misdemeanor trespassing, public intoxication and carrying a gun while intoxicated"

..of all that it's wearing a mask in public that's a felony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!one!!!!!!!!!!one!!one

Only in "the land of the free*"

*free of sanity, presumably?

10
0
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Virginia borders Washington DC, where anything even remotely related to "terrorism" is considered illegal.

Well, terrorism in the sense that a brown person devotedly following their religion is a terrorist, but a white guy screaming about how we should kill all the gays and bomb abortion clinics is just a patriot exercising "Freedom of Religion / speech"

23
3

I wonder how deep the rabbit hole goes?

Since planning to commit a crime is also an offence, could one be charged with 'conspiracy to wear a mask in public'?

Also, if you hear of someone planning to wear a mask but don't report them, do you become 'accessory to conspiracy to wear a mask in public'?

6
0
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

'Well, terrorism in the sense that a brown person devotedly following their religion is a terrorist, but a white guy screaming about how we should kill all the gays and bomb abortion clinics is just a patriot exercising "Freedom of Religion / speech""

@COG, let's break down this diatribe of yours, shall we?

> "'Well, terrorism in the sense that a brown person..."

Here we have the race card. Sir, are you legally allowed to play that card? I'd hate to think a whitebread kinda guy was trying to generically guilt me on color.

> "...devotedly following their religion..."

I assume you refer to Islam? The 'religion' which accounts for 95% of all deaths worldwide due to terrorism? That one?

> "...is a terrorist,..."

Says your straw man...

> "...but a white guy screaming..."

Since you don't specify, I have to assume you refer to all white guys. Well, you're correct. All us white guys scream all the time. We're just filled with rage, that's why we riot at the drop of a hat... ..oh wait, that's some of those 'non-white people' you mentioned earlier. BLM I think they call themselves...

> "...about how we should kill all the gays and bomb abortion clinics..."

Is this what fills your dreams when you gently lay your head upon the pillow at night? Tsk.

> "...is just a patriot exercising 'Freedom of Religion / speech'."

Actually, I believe that inciting murder is definitely against the law in the US. Since you think otherwise you might want to re-examine your worldview for cracks.

5
26
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Virginia, as well as the rest of the South in the USA, for decades had problems with the KKK.

A cheerful group, known for cross burning rallies, practicing lethal vigilante justice, and violently enforcing segregation.

All while hiding anonymously behind their signature white robe and hooded mask.

Finally, most Southern states passed laws against adults wearing masks in public, and within a generation the KKK went from feared hooded goons to laughable, mostly low IQ individuals, known now for their bake sales, xenophobic marches and demonstrations.

So, the laws against masks in public made sense once, and are mainly kept for purpose like this, where it's added as another charge to pad out the arrest, but otherwise ignored

11
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

@"Big John": Did you intend to write something so stupidly retarded or are you really that fucking stupid and racist?

10
4
Anonymous Coward

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

> I assume you refer to Islam? The 'religion' which accounts for 95% of all deaths worldwide due to >terrorism? That one?

As opposed to the US that (in the 70's and 80's) accounted for the majority of UK terrorism deaths in the UK by liberally funding the IRA?

Glass houses, stones.

9
1

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Would not have been an Irish Republican Army if there had not been the Protestant Orangemen that made it happen. Let alone the systematic discrimination against Catholics for hundreds of years by Protestant England.

Glass Houses, Stones.

2
6
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

> "As opposed to the US that (in the 70's and 80's) accounted for the majority of UK terrorism deaths in the UK by liberally funding the IRA?"

Gee, and here I was thinking that the IRA was a home-grown problem! I didn't know that a handful of misguided kooks in the US caused all that death and destruction with just a few donations. You Brits sure are easily manipulated!

0
3
x 7
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

Big John

While the operational IRA were very much a local group, its finances very much relied on monies from the USA. Without regular payments from the Irish and Catholic clubs (and such like) of Boston, New York and other towns the Provos would have run out of cash and stopped their campaign much much earlier.

Thats why some Brits are often a bit wary of USA politicians with Irish surnames.......Kerry, Reagan, Kennedy, O'Malley, to name a few.

No, not O'Bama....don't think thats Irish

4
0
Thumb Down

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

"Virginia borders Washington DC, where anything even remotely related to "terrorism" is considered illegal."

Yes, and Germany borders the Netherlands, where marijuana and prostitution are sort-of legal.

Is there a point there somewhere?

1
0
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

I didn't know that a handful of misguided kooks in the US caused all that death and destruction with just a few donations. You Brits sure are easily manipulated!

So you have evidence that the money for arms and munitions came from a "handful of misguided" millionaires rather than many small donations from kooks who enjoyed the idea of Brits being blown apart?

Yes, Brits are very easily manipulated by explosives. Perhaps Merkins aren't. Maybe that needs testing.

Citation please and why weren't the "handful of misguided kooks" arrested under terrorism charges?

4
0
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

the systematic discrimination against Catholics for hundreds of years by Protestant England.

Preceded by hundreds of years of the Irish enslaving Brits and even paying Vikings to capture slaves for them.

4
0
x 7
Silver badge

Re: Felony wearing of a mask in Public?

"Preceded by hundreds of years of the Irish enslaving Brits and even paying Vikings to capture slaves for them.

St Patrick for instance was a Briton enslaved by the Irish

(note - Briton, not Angle/English)

1
0
Silver badge
Pirate

" a true bacon lover would describe the American variety as "suspicious"

Hardly. We just don't call our pork-chops "bacon" like you Brits do. Bacon - like the word itself, ours is thin and crispy. If you can chew it, it isn't done yet...

2
18
Silver badge

I'm pretty sure we still call pork chops, pork chops.

The back bacon being referenced to should be around an eighth of an inch in thickness or 0.0227th of a linguine.

Crispy is also good but not always a requirement.

See this for NSFW bacon on bacon action, enough to cover any bacon lovers kink...

14
0
Silver badge

@ Pirate Dave

That which our "old country" cousins call bacon more closely resembles what we former colonials would call ham and comes from a completely different porcine region*. Both are quite delectable, but distinctly different. Personally, I disagree with your assertion that "if you can chew it, it isn't done yet." My wife likes her bacon that way - WELL done bordering on charred. I leave mine a bit chewy with just a little bit of "crispy." All a matter of preference, really.

* shoulder, if memory serves, whereas American bacon is from the pork belly.

8
1

American bacon is the equivalent to what is known as 'streaky bacon' in the UK. Only it has had all of the flavour removed and has been cooked till brittle.

11
0
x 7
Silver badge

Re: @ Pirate Dave

"My wife likes her bacon that way"

Women who chew on bacon are usually sapphists

The kind of women I prefer tend to go for sausage

7
1
Silver badge
Joke

"...See this for NSFW bacon on bacon action, enough to cover any bacon lovers kink..."

You should be ashamed of yourself! Posting such pornographic filth to a decent site like el reg! And at this time of day, too!!!

(I'm just off to vote if I still can!) ;-)

2
0
Silver badge

Re: @ Pirate Dave

The kind of women I prefer tend to go for sausage

I haven't laughed so hard for many months x7. Yer blood's worth bottlin' as we say in these parts.

3
0
Anonymous Coward

US bacon has more in common with tripe than the good British stuff, it's disgusting. Had my US relatives over at Christmas and they love our bacon, had to keep going out for mega packs.

5
1
Anonymous Coward

I beg to differ, massively!

UK bacon is not properly cured, and instead injected with water.

It doesn't fry like bacon should, making an awful sludge in the pan.

The fat in streaky bacon is the best part. Lean meat isn't very good for you. You would get sick if you tried to live on lean meat, unlike living on fat which works just fine.

You'll know in 10 years time that I'm right. Until then keep following the industry's advice, and shorten your life.

2
16
Silver badge
Unhappy

UK bacon is not properly cured, and instead injected with water.

Well that depends on what you buy. Cheap bacon - and every bit of Danish that I have tasted, maybe. Proper bacon - even available in well know retailers is properly cured. Come TTIP, no doubt US manufacturers will be able to get their are of the 'bacon - I don't believe it' action in the UK as well I suppose. Sigh...

6
0
Anonymous Coward

"UK bacon is not properly cured, and instead injected with water"

My rather fine local butcher, Barry, would go to pistols at dawn with you on the local common over that slur on his craftsmanship.

12
0
Silver badge

Injected with Water?

Where do you shop then? Please tell us so that I (and others) can avoid it like the plague

My Local Butcher would come at you with his meat cleaver if you suggested that his 'dry cure' had any water in it.

The same goes for the suppliers at my local farmers market.

Pay crap and get crap.

I go by the rule that ALL supermarket bacon has water and god know what else added. My bacon supplier has his own smoker as well. Dry cures, no water.

Lovely jubbly.

9
0
Silver badge

Re: Injected with Water?

Speaking as a vegetarian

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EATING?

Like everyone else has mentioned - you must be eating the cheapest crappiest bacon ever.

If a vege can point this out, then you have issues dude!

7
0
Silver badge

Re: Injected with Water?

If you don't have a local butchers (quite the rarity these days lets be honest) then there's probably a good butcher at your local farmers market.

Even better if it's the farmers themselves selling the sliced goodness, they've got a vested interest in making sure it's the finest examples of bacon and usually it's not that much more than the mass produced stuff from the super market.

You get better bacon for pretty much the same price, they get more profit (because of lack of middle men) and everyone's a winner since any veggie family members can busy themselves by the veg stall too (that said there's a pair of women who do some of the best lettuce and tomatoes for when you want to turn breakfast into lunch without calling it brunch)

1
0
Silver badge

Sounds like a fully qualified numpty. Doesn't live in the area for a year and gets to know his neighbors by having them sign a petition against his irresponsible behavior. The lots in the area are only about an acre and certainly not adequate to set up a shooting range in the back yard unless it's BB guns. Hell it's only about 250 yards between Sage and Ridgeview Lanes.

1
0
Silver badge
Childcatcher

I grew up having to eat nasty Brit bacon occasionally...

Icon says it all.

0
14
Anonymous Coward

Re: I grew up having to eat nasty Brit bacon occasionally...

You sir, have never tried middle, back or streaky. Please define non-nasty bacon.

My bacon mission around the world.

Spain - Streaky with minimal bacon.

Germany - Streaky with minimal bacon and strange blobs of gristle within the bacon.

Turkey - Streaky with minimal bacon and strange blobs of gristle within the bacon.

Philippines - Streaky but made of american hotdog stuff.

Eire - Streaky but quite pleasant.

Turkey bacon (not country related) - Fuck off

I would also like to point out that the tastiest bacon in the world does not contain water, it does not cook and produce white scus, it is a treasure to behold and in this day and age it's getting harder and harder to find a proper butchers as opposed to those that buy a load of tripe.

14
0
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: I grew up having to eat nasty Brit bacon occasionally...

...My bacon mission around the world....

You missed:

Jowl bacon (American) - Streaky, wider than other varieties. Quite nice for sandwiches.

And for the non-pig-eating people of the world:

Beef bacon - Streaky, from the same cut as most American bacon, but more meaty as it is beef.

Macon - Made from mutton. Just found out about this and now have to try it.

Gribenes - Turkey or chicken skins. Pushing the envelope a bit, but satisfyingly crunchy.

Vegetarian bacon - See comment concerning turkey bacon.

Dulse (Palmaria sp.) - Mercifully contained to labs somewhere on the campus of Oregon State University, this horror was covered by El Reg not just once, but twice.

2
0
Silver badge
Joke

Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

Regardless of your personal preferences, I think we can all agree that they are both better than whatever the hell CANADIAN bacon is supposed to be.

7
2
Anonymous Coward

Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

Was it not a great man that once said,

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all bacon is created equal."

4
0
Anonymous Coward

Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

"Canadian Bacon" is just what you Americans call overcooked ham. But how can you hate on it? Sure it isn't bacon, but its still a piece of a pig, which is by far the most delicious of animals.

But at least its not the abomination that is American "Cheese".

14
0

Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

re: the abomination that is American "Cheese"

The technical term is "processed cheese food", and the more heavily marketed brands brag that it contains real milk. Kwality with a 'k'.

7
0
Silver badge

Re: Stop the Fighting: American -v- British Bacon

Firstly, True American cheeses can be damned good.

-The technical term is "processed cheese food"-

Now that stuff is a true abomination, and these days has moved so far from real cheese that it's now called "Pasteurized processed cheese food spread".

That stuff is less edible than the plastic it's wrapped in, and doesn't even have to contain milk, or any other recognizably edible substance.

5
0

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

The Register - Independent news and views for the tech community. Part of Situation Publishing