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A Florida woman being processed into county jail expressed surprise when a prison officer discovered a plastic bag of pills in her vagina. Dusty Rae Ingram, 38, was being booked into Okaloosa County Jail on 5 January, when a strip search uncovered the meds, according to this local report. The perp told the officer that while …

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  1. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Yugguy
      Reply Icon

      It's in BootNotes.

      The dull technical articles are to your left.

      10 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
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        Anonymous Coward

        Good to know the new upmarket El Reg hasn't changed that much.

        4 0 Reply

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

      3. PleebSmasher
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        I don't mind goofy Florida news but isn't this kind of vaginal contraband smuggling an everyday occurrence? It doesn't warrant a Reg mention.

        0 0 Reply
        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge
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          Boredom, boredom, ba dum de dum

          I detect a kind of vaginal concealment ennui here. To quote Samuel Johnson: "When a man is tired of lady parts, he is tired of life."

          9 1 Reply
          1. Anonymous Coward
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            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Boredom, boredom, ba dum de dum

            But does it follow that when a man is tired of life he is tired of lady parts?

            0 0 Reply
            1. Fungus Bob
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              Paris Hilton

              Re: Boredom, boredom, ba dum de dum

              What difference does it make?

              0 0 Reply
  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    I know how they got there

    She took way too many and then couldn't tell the difference between her purse and her pu$$?

    Yes, mine is the white lab coat, the one used during cavity searches...

    2 0 Reply
    1. Dave 126 Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: I know how they got there

      >Yes, mine is the white lab coat, the one used during cavity searches...

      Sir, we can't conduct this cavity search until you take your coat off.

      13 0 Reply
      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: I know how they got there

        @Dave 126

        Touché, nicely put...

        1 0 Reply
    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I know how they got there

      Mrs Slocombe would not be best pleased to hear someone was using their pussy as a handbag.

      And that's the obligatory AYBS reference to any article about pussies out of the way.

      4 0 Reply
      1. Fungus Bob
        Reply Icon

        Re: I know how they got there

        "Mrs Slocombe would not be best pleased to hear someone was using their pussy as a handbag."

        Anyone using Mrs. Slocombe's pussy as a handbag would also not be pleased...

        0 0 Reply
        1. Andus McCoatover
          Reply Icon
          Windows

          Re: I know how they got there

          Ah! Now I know why Lady Worthington was confused, when Ernest said he was found in a handbag...

          (Whichever 'line' she was snorting at the time was immaterial)

          2 0 Reply
    3. Jedit Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Pint

      "She took way too many and then couldn't tell the difference"

      Muscle relaxant so she could get the bag up, then a painkiller so she wouldn't notice they were there. It's a sound theory that fits the evidence.

      (Beer, even though despite being a muscle relaxant and relieving the pain you really will notice if it's inserted into a bodily orifice.)

      0 0 Reply
      1. David Roberts
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        Pint

        Re: "She took way too many and then couldn't tell the difference"

        "(Beer, even though despite being a muscle relaxant and relieving the pain you really will notice if it's inserted into a bodily orifice.)"

        I thought the whole point of beer was to insert it into a bodily orifice.

        Just not that one..........

        .........unless, of course.......

        0 0 Reply
  3. TRT Silver badge

    Laughingly simple explanation really...

    She got the bag mixed up with the one containing cocaine and heroin.

    6 0 Reply
    1. shifty_powers
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      Re: Laughingly simple explanation really...

      Heh, or someone will find a use for pain relievers and muscle relaxants in a male prison O.o

      0 0 Reply
  4. Steve K

    Did she swallow the Babypod instead...?

    A mixup and maybe she swallowed the BabyPod instead......?

    (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/01/07/foetal_streaming_service/)

    Steve

    2 0 Reply
  5. Captain DaFt

    Then she realised:

    "OMG! That means I messed up and swallowed my vibrator!"

    7 0 Reply
    1. Little Mouse
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      Re: Then she realised:

      Any word on whether she has a bit of string dangling from her mouth?

      9 0 Reply
  6. x 7

    I've known several women who claim not to notice when things are placed in their vaginas.

    Seems to be usually accompanied by empty bottles of vodka

    11 1 Reply
    1. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Distiller's droop?

      Well you could try drinking less vodka... reduce the chance of an "is it in yet?" moment.

      Pass my coat. Yeah, that one with the black-market enhancement products in the pockets...

      4 0 Reply

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. TRT Silver badge
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        To be honest, I think it would be difficult not to notice an empty vodka bottle in your minge...

        well, if you ignore all the warninks...

        2 0 Reply
        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Re: To be honest, I think it would be difficult not to notice an empty vodka bottle in your minge...

          Ah, I see you are and Advocat for moderation in late night insertions.

          0 0 Reply
          1. TRT Silver badge
            Reply Icon

            Re: To be honest, I think it would be difficult not to notice an empty vodka bottle in your minge...

            Shaken, not stirred.

            0 0 Reply
  7. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Coat

    "a detention facility"

    "introducing contraband into a detention facility"

    Is that what they call it now?

    7 0 Reply
    1. Michael Thibault
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      Re: "a detention facility"

      Shirley "a retention facility", no?

      1 0 Reply
  8. Anthony Hegedus Silver badge

    Easy mistake to make. She probably keeps a spare set of house keys in a small cavity between her liver and her pancreas.

    5 0 Reply

  9. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Graham Marsden

    Obviously...

    ... she fell over when she was doing the cleaning in the nude...

    4 0 Reply
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Contraband in my vagina?

    It's more likely than you think.

    1 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
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      Anonymous Coward

      Talking from experience?

      0 0 Reply
  12. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Vagina + painkillers + muscle relaxants

    Maybe she does the new Kegel excercise EXTREME!!! ?

    1 0 Reply
  13. Mark 85
    WTF?

    The longer I live, the less surprised I am by what some people do.... and then claim to know nothing about. But this one deserves a "WTF was she thinking?"

    2 0 Reply
    1. x 7
      Reply Icon

      "WTF was she thinking?"

      she obviously WASN'T thinking - that's how she forgot

      could've been worse.....she only got a cuffing

      given what she was carrying, another bent copper might have given her a collar and muffing

      0 0 Reply
  14. Pen-y-gors

    "introducing contraband into a detention facility"

    Being ever so slightly serious...that sounds like a very dodgy charge. I assume that walking down the street with various items stored in body cavities is generally legal, even in the US. This women was then taken involuntarily (I presume) into a detention facility and they then use that as an excuse to charge her. But surely it was the filth who took her there that were the ones introducing the contraband into a detention facility? Bit Kafkaesque really, being charged with doing something that wouldn't be illegal except for the actions of a police officer.

    Although it does all sound a bit odd!

    2 1 Reply
    1. Pedigree-Pete
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      Re: "introducing contraband into a detention facility"

      She had already been arrested on another unspecified offence when she received the "cuffing" for the new possession/smuggling offence. Just for clarity.

      0 0 Reply
  15. PhilipN Silver badge

    F.Y.I.

    For the edification of the upright, having a prescription is meaningless. Blank prescription pads were favourite targets for lifting by druggies. Possession of such an item would mean prosecution unless the possessor is a doctor, pharmacist etc.

    0 0 Reply
    1. The First Dave
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      Headmaster

      Re: F.Y.I.

      Actually, having a Prescription _is_ the important bit, but you would need to contact her doctor to confirm. The blank pads only allow you to write your own chit, which is _not_ a prescription.

      0 0 Reply
  16. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Theoretically there is the possibility the items in question spontaneously formed where they were found. You know, weird quantum stuff. However, a very low order of probability here...

    0 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
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      Happy

      where is my towel?

      Heart of Gold passing by - good job it didn't generate a Blue Whale

      0 0 Reply
  17. Asterix the Gaul

    Maybe her 'doctor' administered them to her, to make her relax ,whilst he gave her an 'injection'?

    0 0 Reply
  18. Simon Harris

    Obviously...

    She was nicked after she'd just been to the chemist, and didn't want to have to pay for a carrier bag.

    0 0 Reply
  19. Asterix the Gaul

    "introducing contraband into a detention facility"

    Now, that's a novel description 'detention facility' for lady parts,I would happily be 'detained' there on a permament basis.

    0 0 Reply

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