back to article Post-pub nosh neckfiller special: The WHO bacon sarnie of death

Earlier this week, the World Health Organisation (WHO) shocked the civilised bacon-eating world by classifying processed and red meat as "carcinogenic to humans" and "probably carcinogenic to humans", respectively. Now boasting a "Group 1" rating for the increased risk of provoking colorectal cancer, processed meat products …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Love it.

  2. elDog

    +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

    I bet you haven't even tried it. Well except for most of that bottle of fine spirits.

    1. SuccessCase

      Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

      Are you old enough to remember the late and great Kenny Everette ?

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

        Just throwing this one out...

        cunning runts....

        Yes, I would like my coat...

        1. Mpeler
          Paris Hilton

          Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

          Oh you cunning linguists are all the same.....

      2. Arctic fox
        Thumb Up

        @ SuccessCase Re:"Are you old enough to remember the late and great Kenny Everette ?"

        He clearly is not old chap!

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

          Even more bizarre, according to Barry Cryer who wrote the scripts, she was originally called Mary Hinge but the BBC decided that was too rude and so they changed it to cupid ...

          1. Jedit Silver badge
            Joke

            "the BBC decided that was too rude and so they changed it to cupid ..."

            As I recall it, Cupid was only ever referred to by a single name in any of the sketches. It wasn't until someone asked what her second name was and Everett replied "Stunt" that the joke became known.

        2. MrT
          Mushroom

          "We seem to have a few minutes left...

          ...why not join me in a nice cup of tea?"

          Kenny jumps into a giant cup of tea, stirs it around a bit with his arms and looks distressed

          "Urgh! No sugar!!"

          His best shows were the Thames TV ones - just catching the sound of the crew laughing out loud was way funnier than the later BBC versions - (Cupid was a BBC series creation), Captain Kremmen was a brilliant import from his radio show, made over in a mad Dangermouse style, the mad US general ("Parking problems? Not with a Sherman tank!" - icon is over the field where he rounded 'them' all up), all the pop/rock star friends as guests - brilliant stuff!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: +1 only for your name, Mr. Cupid Stunts.

      Dear Register

      I have fed this to my cat because he wanted some. Now my cat has stopped moving and I think it has also stopped breathing. Please send me another cat. I am lonely.

  3. Pen-y-gors

    Food of the gods

    but, being a bit picky...is Veal really RED meat? I know it's baby cow, but milk-fed and all that. Shouldn't we be going for a slice of real beefsteak

    Also, where do I buy the white arsenic these days? (Searching for that online is going to look great in my web history!)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Food of the gods

      You'll find the chemical suppliers are likely to ask you all sorts of strange questions as they keep you on the line while alerting various agencies. "Will that be construction grade As or poisoners' grade?" and the like... perhaps best if you don't mention wanting it to put in a sauce for a sandwich.

      Perhaps you could substitute MSG - readily available from your local toxic meat and booze product purveyor.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Food of the gods

        MSG is actually perfectly safe, less harmful than regular salt, my fellow AC. It is however testament to how it is much easier to tarnish the reputation of a foodstuff with one of these stupid food scares than it is to repair the reputation of same once the scare has proven to be entirely unfounded.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Food of the gods

          >"MSG is actually perfectly safe, less harmful than regular salt, my fellow AC."

          I know, AC. That was part of the joke. A myth started by hippies (i.e. twats) at Berkley who took it upon themselves to arbitrarily attribute "Chinese restaurant syndrome" to a ubiquitous amino acid. Amazing how this sort of "truth" persists.

          1. Manolo

            Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

            While I also loathe all the BS being spewed about MSG, it can have effects.

            I used to frequent a Chinese restaurant and would ask the owner to make me an extra spicy dish. The most vivid dreams would ensue. Not nightmares, just wild action movie style dreams, quite amusing actually. I found out that instead of adding more chillies, my Chinese friend was adding more MSG. And glutamate being an excitatory neurotransmitter, that makes a plausible explanation.

            1. x 7

              Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

              "my Chinese friend was adding more MSG"

              he was trying to say LSD but was having problems with the translation.......

              I'll bet his mushroom dishes were magic as well

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

              "Plausible" != fact.

              Are you absolutely certain he wasn't being a bit more liberal with the soy too?

              1. Manolo
                Boffin

                Re: Food of the gods (MSG)

                ... and correlation != causation

                I've been thinking of getting some MSG myself and doing double blind tests with it :-)

                1. Rampant Spaniel

                  Going hannibal with the weiners...

                  A recent study found 2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA ;) probably contaminated samples but food for thought :) sarnie needed a slice of savory duck to really amp up the risk!

                  1. x 7

                    Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                    "2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA "

                    did they check whether there was a full set of half set of chromosomes?

                    1. Mpeler
                      Alien

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      Should've been clued in by the package label: Dahmer Meets...

                      1. x 7

                        Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                        "Should've been clued in by the package label: Dahmer Meets..."

                        No - thats the enrollment package from the dating agency.......the burgers come from Dahmer Meats

                        I've heard a lot of people enroll but only ever show up for the first meeting.

                    2. Rampant Spaniel

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      It did show a partial match to the leader of a certain political party.

                    3. JetSetJim
                      Boffin

                      Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                      > "2% of hot dog samples tested contained human DNA "

                      That would be this report, which also concludes that 10% of vegetarian meat-substituted foods contain meat products.

                  2. Richard 12 Silver badge

                    Re: Going hannibal with the weiners...

                    Given that 100% of hot dog factories are staffed by humans, that simply means they occasionally touch the produce.

                    Or forget their hairnets.

                    1. PNGuinn

                      @ Richard 12

                      Or ....

              2. Mpeler
                Coat

                Re: Food of the gods (MSG) (so you soy)

                Soy lent gleen?

        2. PNGuinn
          Joke

          Re: MSG is actually perfectly safe

          We're talking about REAL food here - not the probable side effects of nasty artificial processed additives. (Deliberately gnoring the probable contents of the tin of pseudo spam).

          Downvoted.

    2. choleric

      Re: Food of the gods

      "Also, where do I buy the white arsenic these days? (Searching for that online is going to look great in my web history!)"

      And that right there is how the lovely, well-intentioned UK government turns out to be a terrorist organisation.

  4. SuccessCase

    Turns out the WHO are good at their work but terrible at talking about it to the general public. Their categories identify if substances are known to be carcinogens, but not the degree. Being a carcinogen seems really bad, but actually there are many, many known carcinogens that we don't worry about too much, so for example burnt toast is a known carcinogen, yet we don't worry too much if there is a bit of burning because the risk is low. Walking in the forest when ferns are releasing spores, is apparently much more dangerous than people appreciate, so there is one, that is a known carcinogen, that actually is quite bad but we ignore (presumably because we feel walking in the Forrest simply must be healthy because "green" and "nature"). So now the category grouping given to bacon (and processed meats in general) is the same as for cigarettes because they have identified for sure there is a link to cancer, but the grouping says nothing about the degree. All the newspapers picked up "It's in the same grouping as smoking" and then concluded, falsely, 'IT'S AS BAD AS SMOKING."

    No, it's not. I'm still eating bacon for breakfast. I feel sorry for the pig farmers. This is Edwina curry all over again but for pig sales instead of egg sales.

    Oh should add, I read about this somewhere last night, but can't remember what the source was.

    1. BlartVersenwaldIII
      Mushroom

      > Their categories identify if substances are known to be carcinogens, but not the degree. Being a carcinogen seems really bad, but actually there are many, many known carcinogens that we don't worry about too much

      Regardless of how poorly the WHO may have prevented it, with the current media climate it would be impossible for the story to be published without at least seventeen periodicals trumpeting ZOMG MEAT EATERS ALL GOING TO DIE* or SICK FOREIGN SAUSAGES MADE OF CANCER-CAUSING POLONIUM DESTROYING HOUSE PRICES IN SO-CALLED "COSMOPOLITAN" AREAS.

      Even without a frequently hysterical press, you'd still have it filtered through the collective branez of the intertubes with it's seemingly infinite number people who wouldn't know what a science was if they came home and found it in bed with their statistician, as well as there being so many pseudo-quacks trying to convincingly sell an answer for everything that it's caused a distortion in the space/time continuum to create localised singularities where the rules of logic will not - and indeed can not - apply.

      * As Wash might put it, "that part'll happen pretty definitely".

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      It's worse over here in Murika. We have the "this facility contains a substance known to the state of Ca to cause cancer" warnings on our office door. Because it applies to so many things (printer toner, floor cleaner, nail varnish remover) that it's impossible not to have it.

      But our anodizing plant - full of really nasty chemicals - has the same warning message.

      1. BlartVersenwaldIII
        Boffin

        > this facility contains a substance known to the state of Ca to cause cancer

        That's a fanastically good approach and seems to me like california has their head screwed on the right way when making legislation that makes total sense. Is the smog in LA generated in an attempt to blot-out the cancer-causing radiation from a nearby unshielded fusion reactor?

        1. PNGuinn
          FAIL

          @ Bla----lll

          The problem being that the state of CA has a left hand thread

      2. mad_dr

        My favourite photo from my recent trip to California...

        Is a sign saying:

        "WARNING: The Disneyland Resort contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm."

        1. Mpeler
          Paris Hilton

          Re: My favourite photo from my recent trip to California...

          Considering it's Kalifornistan, they should have put next to it:

          "Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy" :)

          (Goes with governor Moonbeam)...

          (Paris - closest I could find to Tinkerbell)...

    3. Rich 11

      Edwina curry

      Do you have a recipe, or did only John Major get to eat that particular dish?

      1. x 7

        Edwina Curry?

        licked the plate clean, or so I've heard

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @ X7

          Bet it tastes like a 9v battery

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Nuts!

      Well peanuts really. Not nuts at all. Hideously toxic. Awesome GI & hepatic carcinogen. Perhaps the US peanut (cotton growing waste product) lobby has better access to The WHO than the Danish pig farmers.

      Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections. Something to do with Eli Lilly telling them that using a safe alternative would be "too expensive" it would appear

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Nuts!

        US peanut (cotton growing waste product)

        Peanuts are legumes (not nuts, as you point out) so it's quite possible that they're planted for their nitrogen fixing abilities. If that's the case (as seems likely) then the seeds themselves are more of a "bonus" product than a "waste" one.

      2. x 7

        Re: Nuts!

        the toxicity problem with peanuts is the Aflatoxins which are produced when they go mouldy. Very carcinogenic. You can buy those from Sigma-Aldrich if you want - they make aflatoxins at their Makor plant in Israel. Along with synthetic cannabinoids and a range of militarily "interesting" products that no-one with half a brain would want to be near.....

      3. Manolo
        FAIL

        Re: Nuts!

        "Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections."

        Sola dosis facit venenum.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Nuts!

          "Sola dosis facit venenum."

          I suppose you're referring to the typical organic Hg dose being around half the WHO safety threshold. Somewhat disingenuous in relation to such a cumulative, indolent and insidious toxin.

          Better remember not to allow them to give you a tetanus booster with your flu jab then. ...and for god's sake don't accidentally eat any seafish that day.

          Not a big believer in numbers rackets and lotteries myself.

          Why exactly is it better to lace vaccines with any organomercury than with none?

          1. x 7

            Re: Nuts!

            the organomercurial used in vaccines is Thiomersal - see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thiomersal

            Its very much been eliminated from most western medicine for the obvious presumed reasons, though there is no actual evidence that its a risk. Its been in use as a fungicide/bacteriocide for a long long time, and the benefit of using it in vaccines is that is doesn't reduce the vaccine efficiency compared with other preservatives (in fact I've read elsewhere that in some cases it can act as an adjuvant).

            You will see it occasionally in western medicine - my last 'flu jab contained it, but thats probably an exception.

            Its still used in third world medicine - probably because its more suitable than the alternatives in warm, non-refrigerated storage conditions

          2. Manolo
            Boffin

            Re: Nuts!

            "I suppose you're referring to the typical organic Hg dose being around half the WHO safety threshold. Somewhat disingenuous in relation to such a cumulative, indolent and insidious toxin."

            No, I'm referring to actual toxicological studies, where they don't give a single dose once and conclude it is safe, but where those cumulative doses are actually given.

            As for why it is better to use it see the insightful post of a fellow commentard.

          3. PNGuinn
            Joke

            Re: Mercurry @ AC

            That's ok then - I thought for a minuite there I'd have to give up chewing flourescent lamps.

        2. Mephistro
          Happy

          Re: Nuts!(@ Manolo)

          "Also haven't figured out why The WHO approve of Hg injections"

          They got fooled again!

          "YEEEEAAAHHH!!!"

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

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