I reckon that I have something...
that beats all three of those movies in the unwatchable stakes. A movie so bad that Stephan King successfully sued to have his name removed from the original title.
The Lawnmower Man... enough said
Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?
Our piece earlier this week on a study which proved The Wizard of Oz is the "most significant" movie ever – by dint of being the flick most referenced in subsequent works – provoked some interesting comments from our ever-lively readers. It goes without saying that a lot of your output centred on the researchers' possibly …
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Friday 23rd January 2015 12:57 GMT Loyal Commenter
Re: I reckon that I have something...
Hercules in New York is a very watchable film. It's laughable, yes, the acting is terrible, and the background traffic noise on Mount Olympus destroys any sense of realism. However, it does have a plot, and is actually enjoyable despite being a terrible film.
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Friday 23rd January 2015 19:54 GMT asdf
Re: I reckon that I have something...
I guess one edge to some of the European readers is they probably have never heard of Larry the Cable Guy (voice of Mater in movie Cars) and his total garbage movies (think the Ernest movies but mean spirited and with a lot more toilet humor). I can't imagine anyone would waste time dubbing those pieces of shit into any other language.
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Friday 23rd January 2015 13:18 GMT Amorous Cowherder
Re: I reckon that I have something...
You've obviously never watched JET ( also known as Ground Control ) starring Keither Sutherland!
OH GOD IT'S BLOODY AWFUL! The set must have cost about £5 to build/rent out of hours. Sutherland seems to have taken his inspiration from Ted Striker in Airplane! It's shot at night for the external shots which consist of our hero having flashbacks and chain smoking while standing in a stairwell! The interior set must have been about 10 foot square max. The worst bit is the fact that when the plane safely lands it's daylight AND the shots were taken from another movie! Train wreck? It's a full on train-carrying-nuclear-warhead-hitting-a-city wreck!
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Thursday 29th January 2015 02:21 GMT dan1980
Re: I reckon that I have something...
Dark City?
Whatever you think of the plot, the design, the morality or anything else, it has Jennifer Connelly in it. And no movie with Jennifer Connelly in it can be justly called unwatchable
Not even Inkheart or Noah* and especially not pre-2000 Jennifer Connelly, when she still qualified as 'voluptuous'. Winter's Tale has received particularly poor reviews but, with not only Jennifer Connelly but Jessica Brown Findlay in it, I can't imagine it even approaches unwatchable, however bad it is.
Wash your mouth out, sir. (Or perhaps your eyes.)
* - I still have next to no idea what was going on there.
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Monday 26th January 2015 14:14 GMT cray74
Re: I reckon that I have something...
"The Lawnmower Man... enough said"
Lawnmower Man (theatrical release) wasn't bad for the era and I enjoyed it, although I was quite into cyberpunk at the time and hence biased. I even liked little touches like having Lawnmower man's wife walk out on him, never to return. Movies just don't leave loose ends like that. I thought it was bold for a mainstream movie.
Then I got a chance to watch the director's cut and found that that the pieces cut out of the theatrical release really helped the movie. In the director's cut, the wife returned to be mind-controlled into a mindless, cornball zombie that hurt the movie. A lot of the extra bits did not help at all. If you saw the unabridged director's cut, I'm sorry, you're seeing the worse movie.
I walked out Lawnmower Man II. It's one of two movies I've walked out of. Battlefield Earth would've been a third, but I was paralyzed like a deer in headlights by its horribleness. The only other movie that's been so painful to watch (for me) was Dragon Wars.
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Friday 23rd January 2015 07:37 GMT Sokolik
Hmmmm...
...once again, wondering if such superlatives and lists are generated merely to attract attention and generate flame wars so as to pile-up the advert revenue.
Oh well. Doesn't matter. I still want to put in my $20.00 (that's $.02 adjusted for inflation since my birth) worth. I'm as opinionated and mouthy as the next guy.
In defense-- however slight-- of "Pearl Harbor": for a military-history and aircraft buff, it may be worth the price of admission just for the five or ten minutes of FX of the B-25's marshalling aboard and then launching from "Hornet" for the Doolittle Raid. Sure had me convinced. Of course, to connect anybody in England or at Pearl with the Doolittle Raid is just plain silly. But that's what movies are for.
ElReg ed's: completely agree with your judgements. Dramoth: completely agree with your judgement.
However, I can't be the only one also thinking of "Ishtar", "Water World", "Howard the Duck", and "Heaven's Gate".
Let the flame wars begin...
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Friday 23rd January 2015 12:35 GMT I ain't Spartacus
Re: Hmmmm...
I didn't think Waterworld was that terrible. It was slow, and could have done with some jokes, and fun goodies, but it had a few bonkers action sequences and cheerfully nasty baddies. And as a bit of lazy TV, where you can visit the kettle during the boring bits, it's better than quite a lot of other stuff I've seen. Of course I didn't pay to see it at the cinema...
I assume there are good action sequences in Pearl Harbour, but it seems to go on for ever, and whenever I've come across it on TV, it's been in some interminable bar scene, or just dull conversation - so I've never managed to stick around long enough to see if there are any good bits. Or even interesting characters.
I've never seen Gigli and only vaguely remember switching Battlefield Earth off after a couple of minutes - so can't comment. Although my memories of the Phantom Menace are pretty dire - and whatever the 3rd one was called when Haden Christensen's total inability to act and George Lucas' appalling ear for dialogue combined into a bumb-numbing crescendo of awfulness.
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Friday 23rd January 2015 14:31 GMT Tim Jenkins
Re: Hmmmm...
Ah, yes, Prince of Thieves. Where the opening montage has them landing under the White Cliffs of Dover, announcing that they will be in Nottingham by nightfall (170 miles), and then travelling there via a slight detour of 120 miles further north to Hadrian's Wall. Outstanding!
(but totally redeemed by Alan Rickman, of course. There must be a 'Costner-free' edit around somewhere...)
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Friday 23rd January 2015 15:24 GMT Tim Jenkins
Re: Hmmmm...
"...landing under the White Cliffs of Dover*..."
*actually filmed at the Seven Sisters cliffs in Sussex, which Wikipedia notes a being "a stand-in for the more famous White Cliffs of Dover, since they are relatively free of anachronistic modern development and are also allowed to erode naturally". The film makers probably wanted to imply that they were part of the well-known Nottinghamshire coastline...
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Tuesday 27th January 2015 20:28 GMT Michael Wojcik
Re: Hmmmm...
I'm quite fond of Howard the Duck, which has a good cast and a number of funny lines.
Water World I just thought was terribly boring. It had all the stupid of, say, Tank Girl but none of the cheesy joy. Costner is convinced he's god's gift to cinema (just read an interview where he blathers on about his latest Great White Father flick and confirms the diagnosis), and can't lighten up enough to play "web-footed messiah" as any way other than completely straight.
I've never seen more than bits and pieces of the other two.
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Tuesday 27th January 2015 20:37 GMT Michael Wojcik
Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.
I believe Plan 9 from outer space is generally reckoned to be the worst scifi of all time.
If we include the excremental Uwe Boll disaster Alone in the Dark, then Plan 9 is far from the worst. But Alone is really horror / fantasy, not SF. I don't know if Boll has ever made a film that could comfortably labeled SF.
I'm sure I've seen SF films on MST3K that are comfortably worse than Plan 9 by pretty much any measure. Certainly less entertaining.
If we include made-for-TV movies shown on the SyFy cable channel, then Plan 9 is closer to Oscar territory than "worst ever".
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Sunday 25th January 2015 17:23 GMT Greg J Preece
Re: What?
That fucking super-speed attack thing at the end where he literally makes the villain spin around so fast he drills into the ground like a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon... When the guy started singing "Who Wants to Live Forever" I wanted to reach through the screen and get me some quickening.
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
