back to article Google's first stab at control-free ROBOT car rolls off the line

The engineering wizards in Google's workshops have unveiled the Chocolate Factory's first attempt at a completely control-free robot car, where passengers entrust themselves entirely to the machine. In May, Google announced it was going to start building cars without pedals or a steering wheel to test out the practicalities of …

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  1. Camilla Smythe

    "We have arrived Sir."

    "What's this? I wanted to go to work.."

    "Your recent browsing experience suggests you want to buy Tampax for your baby."

    "This is StarBucks."

    "It was on the way to the Tampax shop. Your Kettle informs me you did not imbibe this morning."

    "Just take me to work."

    -

    -

    "We have arrived Sir."

    "This is 'Joe's Burger Bar'. I do not work for 'Joe's Burger Bar'."

    "Your fridge informed me you had not partaken of breakfast. 'Joe's Burger Bar' does a nice all day breakfast according to their brochures."

    "Just take me to work!"

    -

    -

    "What The Fuck IS THAT!?

    "Slade Sir. 'tis the season.. Apparently very popular at this time of year."

    "Switch it off!!"

    "Rick Astley then?"

    "No! Let me Out. Let me Out.......

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Someone Else Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: "We have arrived Sir."

      Dear Car-

      Don't help. You're not smart enough to help (in spite of what your makers might have you think...).

    3. Bleu

      Re: "We have arrived Sir."

      Come on, Slade had their moments, although the compulsory Christmas number wasn't among them.

    4. Captain Scarlet

      Re: "We have arrived Sir."

      Why does this sound like James May from Top Gear?

      1. fearnothing

        Re: "We have arrived Sir."

        Actually, I'm hearing the voice of Jarvis/Paul Bettany with this one.

  2. WildW

    But does it have Robert Picardo's voice?

    While I don't imagine it will take you someplace other than where you wanted to go, I can imagine the occasional detour down the street coming soon to every town where Google bought all those billboards.

    1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

      But does it have Robert Picardo's voice

      Surely William Daniels?

      1. fearnothing

        Douglas Rain's.

    2. Vulch

      Voiced by...

      Suranne Jones? "I may not have always taken you where you wanted to go, but I always took you where you needed to be"

      1. Graham 24

        Re: Voiced by...

        Originally said by Mr Gently to the lovely Ms Schechter, or course.

        Some consider the whole approach to be "Piffle".

      2. GitMeMyShootinIrons

        Re: Voiced by...

        Mr T.

        "Where you goin' to, fool?!"

        "This ain't no plane, fool!"

        "Hey, fool, you've reached where you goin'...fool!"

        1. Chris G

          Re: Voiced by...

          I think Vincent Price would be apt.

          It's a good thing this is only a test bed, the design looks as though Borgle has bought Enid Blyghton's Copyrights.

          And no surprise that the UK is keen, that would be the Department of Nannyism and Ubercontrol putting it's oar in, with a little input from Elfin Safety your life will be much more comfortable, safer and not your own.

    3. Sampler

      Majel Barrett surely?

      (well, some very good imitation, though I'm sure there's enough recordings for the system to churn through a derive it a close enough approximation)

    4. Ben Bonsall

      But good god, please not Justin Beiber.

    5. chivo243 Silver badge

      @WildW

      No, something this flaky will have Dwight Schultz' voice... Yes, holodeck software programmed by Barclay, the One, the Only.

  3. Herbert Meyer

    a choice

    Driverless cars or brainless drivers ? We now have the second, with 30,000+ road fatalities per year in the US. The first cannot be any worse.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: a choice

      I rather think that's Mr. Brin's point.

      Driverless cars are the solution to so many problems, from bad drivers to congestion via drivers on drugs, that once the technical problems are cracked the incentives are very strong. During my career I have had the misfortune to travel with so many people who should not even be allowed out in control of a skateboard - all of whom considered themselves to be excellent drivers - that I'm cheering on Mr. Brin every millimetre of the way.

      1. GettinSadda

        Re: a choice

        Oh yes this definitely!

        This triggered an unpleasant flashback to a lunchtime lift I accepted from a work colleague that would have been fine except that a level crossing closed as we were approaching and he swerved across and back to go through the as-yet unclosed "exit side" gates. Until that day I had always thought that public information films showing the dangers of people doing this were just silly.

      2. Graham Marsden
        Unhappy

        Re: a choice

        Yes, but those who *shouldn't* be allowed out in control of a skateboard are most likely to be those who would *not* avail themselves of this technology, because they're most likely part of that 80%+ of drivers who think that their skills are "above average".

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: a choice

          The insurance companies will have something to say about that.

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. JustWondering

      Re: a choice

      But odds are that it will be brainless drivers writing the software. I'm not seeing much room for improvement.

  4. Roger Kynaston
    Pint

    @ We have arrived Sir

    Tampax for your baby. Something a bit screwy with that search algorithm methinks.

    Beer because it is that time of year. No Slade though if you don't mind.

    1. Camilla Smythe

      Re: @ We have arrived Sir

      "Tampax for your baby. Something a bit screwy with that search algorithm methinks."

      There is an historical advertising precedence. Apparently they missed the contraception angle by nine months but offered vouchers for baby milk to the hosts parents.... Something like that anyway

  5. Anonymous John

    As today's Glasgow tragedy has shown

    What is really needed are vehicles that can take over if the driver is incapacitated.

    1. Nick Kew

      Re: As today's Glasgow tragedy has shown

      Not to mention those who are permanently incapacitated, for example by insufficient eyesight to drive, problems with hands and/or legs, or conditions such as epilepsy.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: As today's Glasgow tragedy has shown

        Or owning a Rover/Volvo

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: As today's Glasgow tragedy has shown

      Blimey, someone that gets it. A sensible comment on El-Reg.

      I was just about the close the browser window, after reading idiotic drivel about self drive cars and search (because it's Google, and in their heads, everything has to be search and money driven).

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    BMW , AUDI

    With extra ass hole mode.

  7. Someone Else Silver badge
    FAIL

    No. Fuckin'. Way.

    And anybody who works (or claims to work) in IT, software engineering, firmware engineering, or any even remotely related field knows why, too!

    1. Graham 24

      You don't fly on a modern aircraft, then? The days of bits of steel cable from the yoke to the ailerons and the pedals to the rudder have long since gone. The pilot tells the computer what he wants the plane to do and the computer tells the flight control surfaces how to move. When you're at 30,000ft over the Arctic, you'd better hope that computer doesn't go wrong.

      My car (and probably yours too) has no direct link from the throttle to the engine. The computer reads a voltage from a potentiometer attached to the accelerator pedal and feeds that to the ECU, which then controls the fuel to the engine.

      Although a mechanical link is still present, all modern cars have ABS, or to put it another way, have a computer running that can disengage the brakes on all four wheels if it so chooses, regardless of how much the brake pedal is pressed.

      If you don't want to travel using a machine that is ultimately controlled by a computer these days, buy a bicycle or walk.

      1. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

        But

        'The pilot tells the computer what he wants the plane to do'

        I once owned a car where the ECU decided its own throttle position, fortunately I still had control of the clutch and the brake.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        There's a big difference between fly-by-wire and automated flying, and an even bigger difference flying where you have three dimensions to avoid stuff instead of two, and airspace is tightly controlled, versus driving in very narrow corridors of a 2D surface that changes its coefficient of friction, has construction and detours everywhere, and drunk or distracted drivers and pedestrians alike.

        Autopilot would be a lot harder to make work in airplanes if there were pedestrians at 35,000 feet, the air corridor between O'Hare and JFK had construction detours that made it hard to understand exactly where you should be driving, flying through rain made it more difficult to turn and change speeds, etc.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Yesterday's impossible happens every day.

        2. herman

          Most big planes do auto landing. That is the only way to land in fog.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "There's a big difference between fly-by-wire and automated flying,"

          Quite. Its something a lot of people forget. Hell, even automatic train operation is more complex than an aircraft autopilot. And if you don't believe me you try writing a system that can control dozens, (maybe even hundreds in a large metro system) of 200 tonne vehicles at the same time and make sure they don't collide.

          I might not be perfect as a driver but I can see potential hazards that this idiotic looking buggy - which looks like it has had its exterior designed by a class of preteen schoolgirls - won't see until the last minute such as a kid disappearing behind a parked car or someone going so fast coming up to a junction you just know they're going to bowl through the red. I'm sure google will say "Oh, but our car will stop immediately it sees the obsctruction" Oh really? Sometimes immediately something becomes an obstruction its already too late! You need to stop before.

          1. Dale 3

            Pop-up kid

            If the self-driving car can't stop in the time it takes to detect a kid popping out from behind a parked car and apply the brakes, neither can a human driver even with lightning reflexes.

            Possible caveats:

            1) Humans might be able to see the kid through the windows of the parked car. So could the G-car sensors.

            2) Humans might anticipate the kid before he was a threat and slow down. G-car could do the same in software.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Pop-up kid

              "If the self-driving car can't stop in the time it takes to detect a kid popping out from behind a parked car and apply the brakes, neither can a human driver even with lightning reflexes."

              My point - which you obviously missed - is that the human driver might well see the kid BEFORE he went behind the car and slow accordingly. The google car meanwhile doesn't care because the kid is on the pavement and takes no notice of its behaviour.

              "1) Humans might be able to see the kid through the windows of the parked car. So could the G-car sensors."

              Unless the google car has sophisticated AI vision then thats unlikely. Glass throws lasers out of whack and can stop infrared dead.

          2. IDoNotThinkSo
            Stop

            Who jumped the red?

            Ah, but if all the cars are automatic, there won't be anyone jumping the red light.

            In fact, there probably won't be a need for a red light either, but that's level 2.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        The days of bits of steel cable

        Since Bowden cables started to vanish from aircraft, they have got much safer. In The Right Stuff, I think, is the account of the aircraft assembler who killed a number of pilots simply by assembling cable joints with the screws upside down.

      4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        But the Engine Management Unit doesn't decide which of the people in identical hi-vis jackets and white hard hats is the one waving you on through the roadworks or telling you to stop.

      5. TheUglyAmerican

        I was recently talking with a check pilot for a national airline and he said the control stick in the Airbus models is really a "voting" stick. With it the pilot gets to vote on what he wants the airplane to do. If the computers agree then the plane does it.

      6. Someone Else Silver badge
        FAIL

        @Graham 24

        The key phrase here is: "The pilot tells the computer what he wants the plane to do and the computer tells the flight control surfaces how to move." (emphasis added).

        And, BTW, one of my cars do not have ABS. But for all those that do, I (the "pilot", if you will...or even if you won't) have the option to disable it at my choice, for whatever reason I choose, whenever I choose.

        Computer assists are all well and good. However, please notice the key word here is assist. All the "examples" you presented are examples of computer assists. And guess who the computer is assisting? Anyone...Buehler....?

        (And as for taking a bike or walking...no, I'd rather drive myself, thanks....)

  8. Vociferous

    The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

    Going the way of gaslighters and typists.

    And if this isn't a broadside against Uber's business idea, I don't know what is.

    1. Tom 7

      Re: The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

      And the end of rail travel too. If a carriage can cost a million then then - with enough driverless cars on the road smoothing the traffic flow - the 'advantages' of shaving twenty minutes off a 200 mile journey only to take a twenty minute taxi ride back to where 50% of passengers would need to get - is long gone.

      Once decent herding algorithms are debugged the cars should be able to drive bumper to bumper and reduce fuel consumption considerably.

      1. Vociferous

        Re: The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

        > And the end of rail travel too.

        Possibly. Depends on how the economics works out, and what side of the equation heavy cargo ends up, but it's possible driverless, networked cars could obsolete rail travel as well.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

          "but it's possible driverless, networked cars could obsolete rail travel as well."

          Fat chance. At the end of the day, driverless or not, they're still cars and they still take up X amount of roadspace and there will still be traffic jams and rubber tyres on roads are still far less energy efficient than steel wheel on rail.

          Plus I don't see a 200mph train of google cars coming along anytime soon and even if it did - I for one would not be getting on it.

          1. Grikath

            Re: The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

            I doubt trains will disappear, as will human-operated vehicles. At least not this century. An integrated solution between railway transport and driverless cars may well be a solution in heavily urbanised/metropolitan areas though. I gues we'll see in the next 10 years or so.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: The beginning of the end of driver as an occupation.

            >...they still take up X amount of roadspace...

            Trains take up X amount of track space so I don't quite get that argument. Indeed you can sit in places where a road and a railway are side by side and there will be nowt on the track for hours whilst the road is jammed. Who's wasting the space there?

            >...rubber tyres on roads are still far less energy efficient than steel wheel on rail.

            Only if the rails are actually going where you want to go - almost never the case with rail.

            >Plus I don't see a 200mph train of google cars...

            Also trains might top 200mph but they don't take you from A to B at 200 mph, you have to get from A to C walking or waiting for a bus then wait for the train to take you to D at far less than 200 mph because it has also had to stop at X, Y and Z along the way then you have to get from D to B perhaps waiting half an hour for another train or bus or maybe walking.

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