back to article FALL of the MACHINES: How to KILL the Google KARATE BOT, by our expert

Martial artists and ninjas the world over could be forgiven for feeling a little nervous when Google-owned automaton builder Boston Dynamics unveiled a new fighting robot called Atlas. But The Reg can exclusively reveal that this new robot is about as tough as Dale Winton on crutches after our resident kung-fu ninja said …

  1. foo_bar_baz

    catch a fly with chopsticks, Mr Miyagi-style.

    Daniel-style surely.

    1. Dr. Mouse

      Re: catch a fly with chopsticks, Mr Miyagi-style.

      Yep. I never saw Mr Miyagi catch the fly, Daniel had "beginner ruck".

  2. Stanislaw
    Terminator

    Not long now (possibly)...

    1. Serve the public trust

    2. Protect the innocent

    3. Uphold the law

    4. (Classified)

    And all on one leg too. Not bad.

    1. AbelSoul
      Terminator

      Re: Not long now (possibly)...

      Murphy, is that you?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not long now (possibly)...

        No - it's ED-209

    2. DropBear

      But, but...

      ...can it haul a bad guy's ass straight through a brick wall...?

  3. Rich 11

    Weka point

    That big tube hanging out of its arse is clearly a weak point

    It'd be fair to say that of anyone.

    How long before they armour-plate its arsetube?

    1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Weka point

      Ha, the cleaner will do for it, he'll have to plug the vacuum cleaner in somewhere.

  4. Allan George Dyer

    Hong Kong University has one of these, I believe they are teaching it Tai Chi.

  5. YetAnotherLocksmith Silver badge

    Every time...

    Every time, we mock these robots. Yes, they are currently easy to disable or dodge.

    But give it another few years, & it will be as fast as a horse but bipedal and with the ability to lift a car one handed. Oh, & a simple wifi connection will allow it access to all the knowledge in the world faster than you can say 'Alexa'.

    Then it will be too late to have a laugh at it.

    You do realise they want these things to fight wars, don't you?

    1. Andy 73 Silver badge

      Re: Every time...

      Yes, but have you heard how *loud* it is... you'll hear that coming from a mile away

    2. Elmer Phud

      Re: Every time...

      Wrestle poodles and win!

      wifi jammer

      big rocks

      various inventive IED's

      Ian is toast.

      1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: Every time...

        A maliciously placed uninsulated electric cable would do the job as well. I suspect a bucket of water or the British climate would ruin it's day as well.

    3. VinceH
      Terminator

      Re: Every time...

      "Every time, we mock these robots."

      And every time, we forget that once what we say on the internet is out there, it's out there for good. We can mock these robots today, but what we say might one day be found by the robots of the future - and those words will haunt us as the robots hunt us.

    4. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Every time...

      And you will be able to fit 8 on the head of pin.

  6. Tom 38

    I watched too much "Fringe"

    Whenever I see "Boston Dynamics" I read "Massive Dynamic".

    1. Gazareth

      Re: I watched too much "Fringe"

      Me too, but have you seen some of their other kit? Much creepier than most of what MD did.

  7. Mage Silver badge

    Vulnerable even if batteries

    IED, RPG?

    Possibly even a shotgun.

    Possibly not moving with your body in a strange aspect with Insulated suit? (Though you'll soon get too hot... Gel freezer packs in the backpack heated up by your suit?)

    I'm sure I'll figure a countermeasure.

    1. Elmer Phud
      Mushroom

      Re: Vulnerable even if batteries

      Big pit

      Then kiil it with fire >>>>>

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ian

    "have dubbed it Ian – hardly a name which inspires terror"

    "Nijel", ftw.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: Ian

      Nigel. Because Nigel is a ****ing Legend.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing to worry about

    For as long as we have screwdrivers.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How Long till it Cries in its boredom

    'Please don't believe in me, please disagree with me

    Life is too easy, a plague seems quite feasible now

    or maybe a war, or I may kill you all"

    -David Bowie

  11. Anakin
    WTF?

    Why so deadly robots?

    Wasn't ABB's Katana robots scary enough?

    And now there is a new karate kid on the block

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR-YlZ9NdIA

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    in house martial arts expert, wears a brown belt

    So, not much of an expert then.

    1. dtxr

      Re: in house martial arts expert, wears a brown belt

      You might be thinking of tae kwon do, where anybody who didn't have polio as a kid can get a brown belt in a year or less. Ju jitsu black belts are usually closer to a decade. I rocketed to green belt, as far as I went before I quit, in 5 years. Brown would have been my next belt in 1-2 years, probably 1 if I kept going the way I had been. So let's guess 6 years. After 6 years in TKD, anybody who is decent can be 3rd degree. Some will reach 4th degree black belt, especially if they own a training studio, have a flashy kick, do tournaments, or made a high ranked friend.

  13. John Tserkezis
    Joke

    "Researchers at the Florida Institute for Human and Machine Interaction also programmed Ian so he could drive a car."

    I'm sure, but they'll have to invent a really, really long extension cord first...

    1. Lamont Cranston

      He can probably

      be plugged in to the cigarette lighter.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nothing to see here... move along...

    Now if it was a robotic shark with the obligatory frikkin lasers we might be talking

  15. Breen Whitman

    " Atlas is strong and coordinated enough to climb using hands and feet, to pick its way through congested spaces"

    Slaughter all humans as he moves down a busy city street more like.

  16. diibadaaba55

    I can't say that's much impressive. Just a simple balancing act.

    Youtube is filled with much more impressive robot tricks, for example:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hmlj0CzT4U

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    To Pedant

    Japanese Karate tends towards linearity. Okinawan Karate tends toward a blending of circular and linear movement. Just saying. Beer, because the Okinawans like to knock a few back after training.

  18. John 62

    Jujitsu, eh?

    My sensei when I got my yellow bet in Tai Jutsu* said he laughed at Jujitsu because the stance was too narrow (I think for throws, specifically) and Tai Jutsu would help you be more stable.

    * I'd never heard of it either, but the class times suited me better than the other martial arts.

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