back to article Mars needs women, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

Women, not men, should form the crew of the first personned mission to Mars, according to boffin and pretend NASA-naut Kate Greene. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) Greene, the crew writer for one of NASA’s HI-SEAS (Hawaii Space Exploration Analog and Simulation) pretendy Martian mission, said in an article for Slate that female …

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  1. Semtex451
    Joke

    Can I volunteer my wife?

    Mind you, while she is light, the shoes and handbags might eat into the mass budget.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      joke maybe, but you have a point

      You only need to look in any womans bathroom to be perplexed by the amount of personal products. Likely they would amount to way more than the weight saving.

      Real men only need;

      Something that cleans when things get too dirty.

      Something that shaves (Optional - use the above for "Shaving Gel effect"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: joke maybe, but you have a point

        "Real men only need; Something that cleans when things get too dirty."

        You're not a true man if you recognise the concept of "too dirty". If for whatever reason, the dirt interferes with the functional properties of something, you're allowed to clean it, but in isolation, dirt of itself is no reason to clean. Take a sock, that (for whatever dubious reason) has got rather revolting and gone hard, the reason for cleaning is only to remove the hardness that makes it difficult to put to any particular use.

        1. illiad

          Re: joke maybe, but you have a point

          erm he wasn't talking about clothes!!! ANY man knows, if your equipment isnt clean enough to function properly, its no good to anyone... A thick layer of grease is ok for the mechanical stuff, but ...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: joke maybe, but you have a point@ illiad

            "if your equipment isnt clean enough to function properly, its no good to anyone..."

            That was my point. How will an undergraduate wank into a sock that's as rigid as a carbon nanotube, and as flat as graphene? And in that case grease probably isn't going to do as good a job as a quick cycle in a cheap washing machine.

    2. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      Good arguments can be too good...

      Augment the gender argument with age and race. One can probably see where this is going.

      The first person on Mars will actually be... ...somebody from the NHK / Discovery Channel joint venture video crew that arrives the day before to set up. Amusingly, it'll be 14 long months until an investigative blogger even notices and starts asking who was operating the camera.

    3. Roger Varley

      I'd like to nominate Theresa May and Hariett Harmon.

      1. Thorne

        I'd volunteer my ex except while her calorific expenditure is low it's because she does SFA.........

  2. Yugguy

    This'll never work

    They'll just synchronise that time and then you won't be able to talk to them for one week in four.

    1. Semtex451

      Re: This'll never work

      Poor bloody Martian bast*rds

      1. Thorne

        Re: This'll never work

        "Poor bloody Martian bast*rds"

        Only fair to invade them like they keep invading us in the movies...

    2. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: This'll never work

      Of course, once they are out of earth orbit - and away from the cyclic gravitational pull of the moon, we have no idea how - or if - menstruation would work.

      So in that sense, there's valuable science to be learned here.

      My bet is that scientists will discover there's a weird backup system in place.

      I would downvote you for casual stereotypical misogyny, but then your post did cause a scientific question, so I guess it's evens.

      1. joeW

        Re: This'll never work

        Tell me you're joking. Please, please tell me you don't actually think menstruation or lack thereof is in any way influenced by lunar gravity.

        1. JimmyPage Silver badge
          Stop

          Re: This'll never work

          Physics

          Chemistry

          but no biology

          TBH I have no idea how menstruation is controlled. Which is why I posed the question. Although the 28-day nature of it does suggest lunar involvement.

          1. MrDamage Silver badge

            Lunar Involvement

            It is more than likely due to the extra light from a full moon allowing the ancient menfolk to go about on some prologned hunting trips, and leaving the women to scream their heads off at each other, than it has to do with lunar gravity.

      2. illiad

        Re: This'll never work

        well I hate to disappoint, but women have been going to space since the 1960's... I'm sure they know what happens by now... so do tell me, do you regularly have chats with your mate's about 'how to pee' ???? LOL

        that must be difficult in zero gravity.... LOL

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: This'll never work

          If you have to know, read Niven & Pournelle's Lucifer's Hammer.

      3. illiad

        Re: This'll never work

        ... and you are definitely a moonstruck lunatic if you think the moon has ANYTHING to do with it... :)

    3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: This'll never work

      It is well established that such sychronisation does take place. Pheromones or something.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: This'll never work

        Somehow I rather think that if they are worried about the different mass of food eaten by women and men, they will not be willing to send up a shed-load of tampons and will require all femonauts to be on the pill in some form (implant perhaps)

      2. Marcelo Rodrigues

        Re: This'll never work

        "It is well established that such sychronisation does take place. Pheromones or something."

        They DO synchronize - but not with the moon. It is quite common for the women in a given place to have their periods at the same time. It takes time to happen. It isn't something that we see in just one week, but... Probably pheromones, I don't know. But surely not the Moon.

        Think about it: the Moon is the same for all of us. That would keep all the women, on a given region, having their periods at the same time.

    4. imanidiot Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: This'll never work

      How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb.

      15.

      Why?

      IT JUST DOES. OK!

    5. Yugguy

      Re: This'll never work

      Trust me - it'll happen.

      As a student I shared a house with 4 girls.

      And they did.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    all female crew...

    ...sure would bring eye-balls to crew-on-crew webcam action... maybe a way to pay for the cost of the trip.

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: all female crew...

      crew-on-crew webcam action

      I'll try to resist any dykes/canals jokes. Well, almost...

      In any case, given the time delay involved.

      "Show us your t*ts"

      ...time passes...

      "too late, I'm already finished"

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: all female crew...

      Send one male, many females. No need to give them enough fuel for the return trip.

      1. oldcoder

        Re: all female crew...

        No need to send any males... Just send frozen sperm.

        It would allow a theoretical doubling of the population in 10 months. Then an increase by to three times in another 10 months.

        After about 17 years, the rate starts increasing rather than decreasing.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: all female crew...

      It would probably pay for the launch, the trip, the stay, the return trip, and as many additional trips as they propose. Of course, some bible-belt senator will probably try to defund NASA, but at that point, do you think they'd need government funding?

  4. DJO Silver badge

    She may have a point

    For a colonisation mission an all female crew is the best bet to ensure genetic diversity.

    As long as you include a freezer full of sperm and a turkey baster, that way you could have a few dozen women and genetically speaking tens if not hundreds of thousands of men which should last for several generations until the colony has a sufficiently diverse genetic base.

    1. fritsd

      MButi people would qualify

      It's a shame that the D.R.C. is not known for its stable government or high-tech space technology, but MButi women (pygmies) sound like an excellent choice to represent us, the human race, on Mars.

      - They're small

      - They're black (better UV protection)

      - (Wikipedia) "Women are in charge of cooking, cleaning and repairing the hut, and obtaining water." Those are the tasks that are of primary importance in a Mars base or colony, no need for beefy, ambitious men full of adrenaline, they'd just get bored after months and months together in a tin can, or afterwards, when the most vital task is research to find out if Quinoa grows well in a mixture of Martian soil and Astronaut shit. ("what's for dinner today?" "quinoa sadza with earthworms, just like every day" "yum!")

      - The environment on Mars might be healthier for them than the environment in Congo..

      About sexism and racism: most of the astro- and cosmonauts (not the taikonauts) have been tall Caucasian men. Is it difficult to imagine small black African women on Mars? Could you, dear reader, be proud, or would you grumble "pity they don't look more like me; I don't really feel represented on Mars".

      1. Yugguy

        Re: MButi people would qualify

        You see, people call me a mysogynist.

        But I gave you an upvote.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Seems sensible...

    It does make a lot of sense, but I do ask one thing, teach them how to wear a bloody jumper instead of turning the heating up to 25 degrees, otherwise all those savings will be lost!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    What will they do with the sanitary towel mountain when they arrive????

    (Who at the back said "put a cork in it??).

    If taken up, this means no Russian females will go to Mars, the amount of polish and powder required for that length of time is likely to implode and create a black hole.

    (I have dated RW's so I should know).

    1. illiad

      Put a CUP in it!! :) no need for towels..

      you poor sensitive souls, do not click link if you cannot stand ADULT stuff... LOL

      http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/mooncup/

      also far less chance of infections... :)

    2. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      i.e. "sanitary towel mountain"

      I don't think that's the sort of towel that Douglas Adams was intending.

  7. El_Fev

    Good god...

    Can you imagine the bitchfest on that ship after two years together ... the Real House wives of Mars :S

    1. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

      Re: Good god...

      I was thinking more along the lines of a Thelma and Louise ending.

  8. AMBxx Silver badge
    Coat

    Hmmm

    Judging by the comments and the number of downvotes, we appear to have an equal number of male sexists and women without a sense of humour on here.

    1. AMBxx Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: Hmmm

      So who downvoted? Non-sexist male or a female with a sense of humour?!

  9. Nanners

    one for the ages

    A cat fight for the ages that one.

  10. TheOtherHobbes

    >"an all-female Mars crew would strike many as exceptionally biased"

    If the space thing doesn't work out, I predict a stellar career in deadpan stand-up.

  11. Andy Gates

    KSR being predictive again...

    In 2312 he had "smalls" - a whole clade of little people who worked in deep space for the mass/life-support/ship-size reasons listed here.

    Start with 5'6 and 70kg, say. That way you can get some smaller men as well. It's not like the extra mass for a carthorse like me's justifiable!

    1. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      Re: KSR being predictive again...

      As long as you consider the risk that the entire tiny space ship might be eaten by a small dog.

  12. IE User

    It definitely makes sense

    ...but why stop there - pygmys or people suffering of dwarfism (Achondroplasia if you want) would fit better yet.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: It definitely makes sense

      Or even selectively breed some squid to be be very intelligent... They are smaller than us, have very good eyes, and their aquatic environment may help with high G-forces.

      - Apologies to S. Baxter.

      1. hplasm
        Happy

        Re: It definitely makes sense

        "breed some squid...They are smaller than us..."

        Jesus- how big are you?

        q.v...Architeuthis....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It definitely makes sense

      Dwarves....interesting idea. Perhaps, to save on heating fuel, they could wear furry 'onesies'. Throw in a few spears, and you have Ewoks. All that's needed is a forest and some storm troopers, and you can rename it Endor.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It definitely makes sense

      "pygmys or people suffering of dwarfism "

      Why pick on them? That Warwick Wossname seems like a decent chap, I don't want him sending to Mars. And pygmies, can't say I've met many, but I've no particular reason to think they deserve to be sent i a tin can to Mars.

      But if we're looking for short people that we'd like to send off into space, what about Bono? And Tom Cruise. Prince. Woody Allen......

  13. My-Handle

    Some logic to the discussion...

    A lot of what this article talks about in order to support the "send women to Mars" viewpoint can be discounted.

    Firstly: Women are smaller, and thus consume less. This is true as a general trend, however there are a great many small men out there. Picking a small man would work just as well.

    Secondly: Women tend to deal with isolation and sensory deprivation better than men. Again, if true then this is a general trend. There is a rigorous selection process for selecting astronauts, so any general trend that applies to men may well not hold true for astronauts, as they are a carefully selected sub-set of men.

    Conclusion: Open your initial applicant pool to both men and women, and carefully select the best of the bunch. If it turns out that women are genuinely more suited to the very specific requirements of this mission, then there will naturally be more women in the final crew. But that isn't the point. The point is that, regardless of gender, we will end up with the best crew.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Women are smaller, and thus consume less

      It did also occur to me that the answer is then to select smaller men. That this logic escaped the author leads me to question the validity of other arguments.

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