back to article Man sues Apple for allowing him to become addicted to porn

A self-confessed porn addict is sueing Apple after he claims he became so hooked on watching rude videos that his wife left him. Tennessee man Chris Sevier, 36, has filed a 50-page complaint with the state's supreme court in which he slams the fruity firm for failing to install a blue movie filter on new devices. He wants …

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  1. MrJai

    Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

    Yes I did.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      Rest assured, there are worse reasons for joining ;-)

      Welcome aboard

    2. SuperTim
      Thumb Up

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      I see you have quickly adopted the general tone of comments for stories like this. You may wish to put the word "Bellend" on a keyboard shortcut for future commenting.

    3. Anonymous C0ward

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      One of us! One of us!

    4. davidp231
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      Icon says it all...

    5. The_Regulator

      I think the bell end was his major problem. Perhaps we should also sue our OEM PC vendors for not providing a shortcut entitled bellend on the keyboard, I for one could use this with alarming frequency when responding to corporate emails.

      1. Stoneshop
        Holmes

        Perhaps we should also sue our OEM PC vendors for not providing a shortcut entitled bellend on the keyboard

        "End" is already there as a key, "Bell" is Ctrl-G, so that's two keystrokes (of which one chord) instead of six.

    6. DAN*tastik
      Thumb Up

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      I'd upvote you, but you have 69 thumbs up and I don't want to be the one spoiling that.

    7. Chika
      Thumb Up

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      Welcome to the herd! ;)

    8. Lord Elpuss Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      Welcome friend, you shall fit in well.

    9. LinkOfHyrule
      Thumb Up

      Re: Did I create an account just to call this guy a bellend of the highest order?

      Can I just say - 120 upvotes - an impressive opening round there! I think that is scientific enough to undoubtedly say that porn bloke is indeed an high order bellend!

  2. Gordon Pryra

    Does this excuse still work?

    has this excuse not been done to death?

    It was not my fault its the (insert anything you want here)

    This is the sort of thing you would expect on Jeramy Kyle from the inbreed retards their actors portray so successfully (at least I hope some are actors or we have living proof on what happens when Darwin's theory's are broken by modern medicine)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Does this excuse still work?

      "at least I hope some are actors "

      Afraid not. These are our peers. Apparently!

    2. Code Monkey
      Gimp

      Re: Does this excuse still work?

      "It was not my fault its the (insert anything WEALTHY here)"

      FTFY

    3. Havin_it
      Joke

      @Gordon Re: Does this excuse still work?

      >It was not my fault its the (insert anything you want here)

      Were those brackets meant to be quotation marks?

      1. Gordon Pryra

        Re: @Gordon Does this excuse still work?

        @Havin_it

        Yes :(

  3. EddieD
    Joke

    No chance.

    It won't stand up in court.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No chance.

      That's what the viagra is for... oh wait.

    2. Bub

      Re: No chance.

      He should put it in the hands of his solicitor then.

  4. envmod

    Epiphany

    I was genuinely unaware that my penchant for staging the six inch olypics on a regular basis, was entirely beyond my control. Far from blaming Apple et al, I actually would like to go further back and blame Paul Raymond for not explicitely informing me that the contents of his special interest magazines in the 80s could potentially cause arousal.

    In fact there was a girl on the tube this morning who was looking pretty hot and wearing quite a short skirt. She was probably hotter than my wife if I'm honest.

    Think I'll sue her as well.

    1. NogginTheNog
      Coat

      Re: Epiphany

      "In fact there was a girl on the tube this morning who was looking pretty hot and wearing quite a short skirt. She was probably hotter than my wife if I'm honest."

      Pics or it didn't happen!

    2. Dazed and Confused

      Re: Epiphany

      > In fact there was a girl on the tube this morning who was looking pretty hot and wearing quite a short skirt. She was probably hotter than my wife if I'm honest.

      > Think I'll sue her as well.

      I think the legal cost would outweigh your dry cleaning bill.

    3. the spectacularly refined chap

      Re: Epiphany

      In fact there was a girl on the tube this morning who was looking pretty hot and wearing quite a short skirt. She was probably hotter than my wife if I'm honest.

      I can understand that. I recall the amount of News 24 I watched went up quite sharply when Joanna Gosling went through her strawberry blonde phase 10-15 years back. Never been the same since she went back to shorter and ordinary blonde hair.

      1. Steven Raith
        Joke

        Re: Epiphany

        My first thought on reading that was blimey, has News 24 been around that long?

        My second thought was "I wonder if I google Joanna Gosling Redhead', will I get good results?".

        Add me to the lawsuit.

        Steven R

    4. Moosealot
      Joke

      Re: Epiphany

      It was pretty warm on the tube. Unless your wife was also on a tube (proper tube, not one of the pansy air-conditioned S-stock) then I suspect the girl you mention was hotter than her.

  5. Paul Dx
    Facepalm

    Chancer

    Yeah sure, U / A and K / E are so close together on the keyboard

    1. EddieD

      Re: Chancer

      I think he's holding it wrong

    2. Velv
      Childcatcher

      Re: Chancer

      Although A / E and U / K are potentially not too far from each other.

      And I know from my own experiences I often get the order of letters wrong when the fingers are in full flow (although I don't remember having been that fortunate in my misspellings, I usually jet get wiggly red lines).

      But the case is billshut

    3. James 139

      Re: Chancer

      Depends, if it was an iOS device, maybe it corrected or predicted his typing based on previous use of the F word.

    4. xyz Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Chancer

      ...surely you mean tosser (and you don't even have to put allegedly after it) Paris obviously. I can just see him on lastMinute...Paris, one night.

    5. Eddy Ito
      Coat

      Re: Chancer

      Perhaps he uses a Dvorak keyboard because he finds it easier when his other hand is occupied. But he's probably a hunt and pecker anyway.

  6. Moktu

    So, the man's a lawyer, therefore he's a natural wanker...

    What's the problem?

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      I'm sure sueing Apple and getting so much publicity won't impact his chances of finding love in the future ;-) Isn't this termed 'doing a mosley'.

    2. davidp231

      "

      "So, the man's a lawyer, therefore he's a natural wanker..."

      There's a difference?

      1. Chika
        Pint

        "So, the man's a lawyer, therefore he's a natural wanker..."

        There's a difference?

        Having never seen or heard of an unnatural wanker, I wouldn't like to say!

  7. wowfood

    I concur

    This smut must be banned from all devices everywhere. In fact, why is he stopping his lawsuit at apple? Apple block porn where they can from the app store, the only way he found it was through the internet, a product which doesn't belong to apple. He should be suing the makers of the internet, or perhaps his ISP for allowing him access.

    And waht about suing facebook? It was their url he was searching for at the time, so it must be part their fault, although how he could have put u rather than a, and k rather than e when they're on different sides of the keyboard to one another is beyond me, he still has a legal case dammit.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I concur

      It does sound a bit strange.

      It's like someone suing the highways agency for building roads that they use to go buy crack.

    2. proto-robbie
      Pirate

      Re: I concur

      I googled for salacious titillation and arrived at vexatious litigation. Could happen to anyone, clearly.

  8. Dave 126 Silver badge

    I bought a brick the other day. The good folk at the builder's merchants didn't warn me that dropping it on my foot would hurt, even though they must have known this.

    ***

    Hell, I wear prescription glasses- I wouldn't sue my optician for enabling me to see things that aren't good for me.

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Trollface

      Of course you wouldnt sue your optometrist...

      ... but then again you're not a lawyer...

    2. Chika

      Ever heard of Wonko the Sane? Douglas Adams must have seen this coming!

      Er... maybe I should rephrase that! *^^*

  9. Rabbit80

    Porn addict?

    Sounds like a bit of a tosser to me!

  10. Don Jefe

    Prevention

    Apple Inc. has installed a two level protection system that has been shown to prevent porn addiction. Our innovations include hardware tools standard on all Apple computers:

    - A 'Mouse' which allows the user to select what media can be viewed.

    - A 'keyboard' which allows the user to direct their browser to any of the hundreds of millions of websites that do not contain adult material.

    Apple Inc.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      @Don

      Not good enough. The poor guy was obviously using one hand for private negotiations which leaves him kinda incapacitated when it comes to mouse or keyboard usage ;)

  11. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Somebody

    Really, really, really, needs to get a life.

    I thought the US ethos was all about citizens taking responsibility (not a bad thing) and small government (the jury is out on that one). This person seems to think responsibility ends when there is a rich company you might fleece. I am not a fan of Apple or its products, but in this case I have no choice but to side with Apple.

    1. Armando 123

      Re: Somebody

      The ethos of America is personal responsibility. However, that does not mean that it is the ethos of the American *government*.

      1. heyrick Silver badge

        Re: Somebody

        "The ethos of America is personal responsibility." - really? Isn't that "personal responsibility" defined as "it's your fault"?

    2. Crazy Operations Guy
      Big Brother

      Re: Somebody

      That all depend on who you are listening to. The Republican party is all about personal responsibility and small government; on the other hand the Democrats are all for the government to protect the people and for a larger government.

      Of course this is in theory, in practice its just a colossal cluster-fuck of yelling and mud-slinging.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is there no such thing as self-control and personal responsibility any more?

    Or do we really want Apple, Google and Microsoft dictating what we can do with technology?

  13. adnim
    WTF?

    The guy needs help

    not from a lawyer, from a psychiatrist. And not for his porn addiction.

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