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back to article Automatic Facebook couple pages: Nauseating sign of desperation

A week after Facebook introduced the nauseating idea of automatic couple pages, it has been rolled out to users across the globe, inducing reactions such as: "creepy and intrusive", "retch-inducing" and "smug". Facebook's new couple page, credit Facebook Here is your relationship Facebook users who have listed themselves …

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  1. Sordid Details
    WTF?

    Yoinks!

    Yep, me and the missus are on there.

    After I'd stopped throwing up, I began to wonder what Facebook are doing about the security side of things. Me and 'er indoors have separate settings to control who can see what, so can anyone see this page? Highest common denominator of settings? Something else entirely that I can't find the options for?

    I'm seriously thinking about killing my Facebook account now, but I'm afraid that if I stop liking the "Physicists 4 Angular Momentum" page, the world may stop turning...

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    1. The BigYin
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      Re: Yoinks!

      Facebook is a public forum, and this is how you should treat everything you post there. If you don't want it known to the world and total strangers - don't post it.

      I know they have privacy controls, but leak still happens.

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      1. Steven Roper
        Reply Icon
        Thumb Up

        @ The Big Yin

        Absolutely. I have the same attitude as you do there. As I've posted elsewhere, my approach to Facebook is that I post nothing on there that I wouldn't sign on the countertop of a police station in front of an officer.

        What I might post in El Reg comments threads, on the other hand...

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      2. ItsNotMe
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        Mushroom

        @The BigYin

        You are absolutely correct. I've said it before...and I'll say it again.

        IF ONE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO POST PERSONAL INFO ON ANY OF THESE LAME SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES...THEN JUST DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENSES...AND STOP THE D@MN WHINING ABOUT YOUR "PRIVACY" BEING INVADED FFS!

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        1. rvt
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          Devil

          Re: Yoinks!

          The cattle doesn't care, thatst the fun Facebook and other social sites have. If one cow or pig dies, you just grow new cattle, and nobody cares as long as there stock is large enough.

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    2. I like noodles
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      Re: Yoinks!

      My missus and I are there too.

      It's not just cheesy, it's naff - you'd barely think we'd ever met.

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    3. Anonymous Coward
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      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Yoinks!

      "Yep, me and the missus are on there.

      After I'd stopped throwing up, "

      You married her - you must've seen her before that ...

      Apologies to the missus - couldn't resist :)

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      1. Sordid Details
        Reply Icon
        Pint

        Re: Yoinks!

        It was dark, I was drunk...

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        1. Shagbag
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          Thumb Down

          Readers' Wives

          This is voyeurism at its worst. Facebook has successfully plumbed new depths. I am anxiously awaiting Facebook to monetise the XXX version of these images to see whether or not I should cancel my subscription to Readers' Wives.

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      1. Quinch
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Re: Yoinks!

        Oh, please. You know as well as I that the planetary angular momentum is achieved solely through well-fed human females.

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      2. MesonW
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        Meh

        Re: Yoinks!

        I "closed" my facebook account largely because I was being tagged in pics other people had taken of me, in effect disclosing me and my family to anyone they were friends with.

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    5. Gritzwally Philbin
      Reply Icon
      Pint

      Re: Yoinks!

      Getting off of facebook...

      Remember, when you go for the kill of your account and start to remove the posts you've made, plan on doing it over a few weeks. Just quitting facebook doesn't get your information out and just abandoning it could see it used for anything. Give it time and go down your wall and pull off all your posts, then as you empty that queue, their servers will dig down and start to pull up older posts. Eventually, you'll get to posts you've made on *other* people's pages - and THAT is the stuff that keeps you perpetually in their system.

      Get all of that deleted so when you log in you will have NO posts on your wall/timeline page.

      At that point, start to 'unfriend' people. Do this dead last, as if you do it first, you'll not be able to delete posts you've made on their pages and you'll be stuck in facebook's system.

      You know that you've done it correctly, if when you login after a month or so, FB is showing you random names of people that you do not know.

      Took me six weeks to get all my data OFF of facebook.

      Good luck.

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    6. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Go

      Can't wait!

      I can't wait for the inevitable lawsuit that will arise when Facebook automatically makes a Couples Page for a closeted gay couple. Even better will the blow back when Facebook automatically makes a Couples Page for a closeted gay couple who live in a repressive country, like Iran, where being gay gets you the death penalty.

      My my, what has Zuckerberg wrought?

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  2. Steven 1
    Stop

    *chunder*

    Glad me and the Mrs binned our accounts sometime back!

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: *chunder*

      Me and my wife scaled back our Facebook presence - we now basically just use the messenger part of it to contact friends who no longer bother with email/phones.

      I'm tempted to mark ourselves as married and see how Facebook copes with a couple with no mutual photos, likes, comments or wall postings!

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      1. Anonymous Coward
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        Anonymous Coward

        Re: *chunder*

        "Every time there is a Facebook story, there is someone saying that they don't have an account (either never had or deleted theirs).

        What exactly are you adding to this?"

        I wasn't personally involved in the Peterloo massacre either, but I may have opinions about it.

        (Hint, people have opinions about things, that's what the comments system is for, you bellend)

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          1. Anonymous Coward
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            Anonymous Coward

            Re: *chunder*

            Except that the sentiment at issue is mostly ""I've never been in a massacre, because they seem like a bit of a bad idea".

            I suspect you probably also have thoughts about things that you've never done too- unless you're one of those rare mountaineering tantric breakdancing orchestral astronauts?

            (If you are, links to videos, stat)

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          2. Ian Yates
            Reply Icon
            Joke

            Re: *chunder*

            <StretchingAnalogy>

            I was in a massacre once, but it was rubbish so I got out

            </StretchingAnalogy>

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            1. TeeCee Gold badge
              Reply Icon
              Joke

              Re: *chunder*

              I was in a massacre once, but I'd taken one of the antimassacres off my Gran's armchairs along so I was safe.

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              1. Anonymous Coward
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                Anonymous Coward

                Re: *chunder*

                I am glad that I'm not the only one who made that misreading.. :P

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            2. Archibald Trumpetbeetle
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              Unhappy

              Re: *chunder*

              I was in a massacre once, then I took an arrow to the knee!

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              1. greenawayr
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                Coat

                Re: *chunder*

                I was in a massacre once, then I got a professional to measure it and it turned out to be a standard acre.

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                1. Muscleguy
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                  Coat

                  Re: *chunder*

                  That's because acres only have mass in Flatland.

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        2. rvt
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          Devil

          Re: *chunder*

          I don't have an account and I never will have an account!

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    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: *chunder*

      I was in a massacre once.

      Dead end job, so I gave it up

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      1. Martin Budden Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Re: *chunder*

        I was in mascara once. Looked damn fine if I do say so myself.

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  3. Silverburn
    Mushroom

    I initially wondered in which parallel universe this seemed like a good idea. Then I realised...the "marketing" universe.

    <-- Drop one of these on it, Facebook. Right now. Without delay.

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    1. JDX Gold badge
      Reply Icon

      What exactly is wrong with a page aggregating data relevant to two connections in a social network? This seems like a perfectly sensible use of their graph to me... if you find it cheesy don't look at the page, but I'm sure lots will like it.

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      1. Anonymous Coward
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        Anonymous Coward

        But who would look at it? Not the data miners, they have automated tools. Not the couple, they see each other IRL. What's left is creepy.

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        1. David Ward 1
          Reply Icon

          perhaps friends and family who are not close by would would like to filter the pictures of you as a couple from the ones of you out with your mates?

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      2. sabroni Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        @JDX

        >> What exactly is wrong with a page aggregating data relevant to two connections in a social network? <<

        The fact you ask that question, and the way you worded it, makes me think that human interaction isn't your strong point.

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        1. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge
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          Mushroom

          Re: @JDX

          Or JDX is the dumb ass at Facebook who thought up this hideousness.

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        2. JDX Gold badge
          Reply Icon

          Re: @JDX

          I can see you guys wouldn't like the feature, because

          a)you can count your friends on one hand

          b)neither you or your equally nerdy few friends are in relationships

          Still, let's mature and say a feature we don't like is stupid, and anyone who doesn't agree with you is also stupid. Doesn't make you look like the dumb-ass in this situation. Nope, not one bit.

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          1. Anonymous Coward
            Reply Icon
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @JDX

            > Still, let's mature and say a feature we don't like is stupid, and anyone who doesn't agree with you is also stupid. Doesn't make you look like the dumb-ass in this situation. Nope, not one bit.

            You could always read what people actually say. They are calling it nauseating and creepy. In fact, the only place the word "stupid" occurs in the comments is in your comment.

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      3. chr0m4t1c
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        @JDX

        There's theoretically nothing wrong with it, but to do it without asking me, without giving me any control over the content, without allowing me to see what the privacy controls are set to, allowing me to change them or allowing me to delete it is completely unconscionable.

        This would be better served by something created on the fly when you want to look at it that could also be turned into a page if you want, not something like this.

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      4. Don Quioxte
        Reply Icon

        Ex-husbands

        Ex-husbands, stalkers, ex-boy friends, shall I go on?

        I just closed my FB account because there is an issue of safety with this latest train wreck. I won't endanger my partner.

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  4. Pooka
    Pint

    This strikes me as more than a little desparate....

    So......

    April and Bob are in a relationship, Facebook the ever friendly stalker creates a page for them. April splits up with Bob and starts doing the horizontal boogie with Charles. One thing leads to another - BLAMMO! - April is now seeing Charles....

    Does April/Bob page get deleted?

    Or are we left with hundreds of pages of April's conquests, successfully and fauthfully?

    Beer, because they must've been on some good stuff when they came up with this one!

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    1. Jemma
      Reply Icon

      Re: This strikes me as more than a little desparate....

      Nope...

      What happens is that the ex finds out shes with someone else, gets his prize uzi out (lovingly converted with a .45 ACP receiver & micro uzi bolt set), goes to her place of work/favourite bar and conducts a scientific test on how many women and children you can cut in half in the space of two 30 round magazines.

      The police turn up and shoot him. Facebook gets off scot free & the girl spends the rest of her life learning about the results of 5 .45 hits to the abdomen and their effect on the internal organs...

      And everyone lives happily ever after, except the dead ones...

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      1. mccp
        Reply Icon

        Re: angry much?

        There is some weird shit on this website.

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        1. Jemma
          Reply Icon

          Re: angry much?

          If thats aimed at me then you should be aware... There was a boy of 17 stabbed to death in my town and both facebook and twatter are implicated in the arrangements for his ' ceasing to be a problem'. Thats not to mention the three women shot by exes, or in one case batty parents, various teens raped & murdered, and the odd stalking case related to facebook - and thats just off the top of my head. Still think I am odd for loathing the zuckwit and the IPO he rode in on?

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          1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
            Reply Icon
            Holmes

            Re: angry much?

            Well, sounds like your town will be first in line when ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE strikes.

            But what has that to do with Facebook, except that you call it "related to facebook"? Might as well be "related to telecoms".

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          2. Anonymous Coward
            Reply Icon
            WTF?

            Re: angry much?

            "Still think I am odd for loathing the zuckwit and the IPO he rode in on?"

            Don't blame the tool for what the idiot who used it did with it. Violent retards will always find a way to cause trouble. You think those people wouldn't have used a phone if facebook or twitter didn't exist? If people are worried about their security then they shouldn't post personal information on a public forum. End of.

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            1. Jemma
              Reply Icon

              Re: angry much?

              What is it you fail to get? No Zuckwit = no Facebook. No Facebook = couple not violently murdered for unfriending murderers daughter on Facebook. No Facebook incitement to murder = no murder.

              Its called a chain of causality by the cops.

              Now, if I go and tell someone falsely that someone else is a pedo and that someone else ends up on the wrong side of a katana, the police will charge me so quick my feet won't touch. All well and good. Facebook outs teens as gay, putting them at risk of their lives and enables murder and other crimes, and all that happens is people whinge over crappy share prices. Both situations there is culpability, the individual ends up starring in a Diane Fossey documentary, the corporate CEO walks away with millions. Can someone explain to me, like I'm 5 years old, how that's in any way 'right'?

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              1. PsychicMonkey
                Reply Icon
                FAIL

                Re: angry much?

                facebook doesn't do any of these things. "People" do these things, liek the old saying, guns don't kill people, people kill people.

                Sure facebook may make it easier, but it doesn't do it.

                You telling someone that x is a peado is no different to you typing on facebook or twitter that x is a peado, it's still on you, not the medium you choose to communicate it.

                I think my 5 year old could undestand that, can you?

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