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El Reg, please please do a Playmobil enactment of this, to the tune of Yakkety Sax.
Police and spooks in charge of security for tomorrow's royal wedding have planned for every possible eventuality - including that of Kate leaving Wills at the altar. The top-secret contingency plan for a "runaway bride" scenario has been dubbed "Operation Pumpkin", and if put into effect would see hundreds of operatives switch …
... will be in any state to make use of this windfall. I also think that he did very well on his own.
"If I could have all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink! "
And, was Viv buried upright beneath a giant marrow? Enquiring minds want to know!
Mind's the one with Hubert's plasticene in the pocket....
But there'd better be a PlayMobil recreation of tomorrow's gushtastic events for those of us who are naturally intolerant of wall-to-wall fawning and cringing from the likes of Nicholas Witchell and Vernon (I am so not making this up) Kaye*.
Feel free to add velociraptors and shape-changing robots to the guest list if it promises to make things more interesting.
* Memorably described this week by Marina Hyde as the missing link between the BBC and the vegetable kingdom.
she looks like she could be a husband-beater, and he looks like he was fathered by a horse. (Seriously, everyone goes on about how handsome / smart he is; if he was just a stock broker from Sloane Park, everyone would say "upper class twit with big teeth" and move on).
The thought of anyone running in a dress that probably has a practically mile long train is just too funny. She'd be winded by the time she got to the church doors!
Still, I think Clarence House missed an option. They should've requested the moving corridor of security use the confusion to funnel her around and back up to the altar ;)
The only thing which could possibly be funnier than this scenario would be for the secretly pregnant[1] Ms Middleton to go into premature labour at the altar and then grunt forth a *black* infant into the arms of the archbishop on live TV just *after* being pronounced married.
We can but hope...
[1] Yes, I know, it's amazing what a *really* good couturier can disguise isn't it....