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back to article Middle England chokes on Nice Baps

A Bedfordshire baker has provoked the wrath of Middle England by dubbing his breadery "Nice Baps". Angry locals in Henlow wasted no time in objecting to the name after John O'Toole cut the ribbon on his establishment last Wednesday. The 42-year-old said his missus thought up the comedy moniker, and his other bakery of the same …

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  1. Dave Fox
    Joke

    Future plans?

    I do hope this is resolved amicably, because I fear it may affect my plans to open my "Big Jugs" jug emporium in the same town!

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    1. Naughtyhorse
      Reply Icon

      could i sub-let a back room...

      for the Rear Entry Massage Parlour

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    well that's solved my problem of

    where to open my new bathroom shop.

    To Henlow with "Soapy Tit Wank"

    Sorted

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  3. Tiny Iota
    Joke

    He should have called it...

    ...the Bap Store, but then Apple might sue him

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    1. Steve X
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Whatever you want in your sandwich

      There's a Bap for that

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    How about....

    - Big Buns

    - Big Cream Horn

    - Tasty Tarts

    It's not my fault you have a dirty mind!

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  5. Monkey Bob
    Pint

    Which poor sod...

    ...has the job of trawling the Daily Fail for anything print-worthy, & do you at least let them get good & pissed first?

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alternative name

    Flour-y Bloomers

    I know someone called Baps and she couldn't open a facebook account with that name, it's apparently on some unacceptacle word list.

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  7. Ste Mansfield
    Joke

    Hardware store

    He could always open a harware store called John's Massive Tools

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    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Or maybe...

      ...Sell circular enclosures for poultry in a shop called 'cock rings'?

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    2. h 6
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      a local hardware store

      Mann Tool.

      For real: http://www.manntools.com/

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    3. LaeMing
      Reply Icon
      Go

      Massive Tool

      There was a large LED billboard on the highway on my way home from work for several weeks recenely declairing:

      MASSIVE

      TOOL

      sale (that last word in a markedly smaller font)

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  8. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Badgers

    Is it just me?

    Or are the local idiots complaining because the baker is using the traditional name for his product, which has been taken as slang for breasts? Aren't they saying something along the lines of 'I only know the slang 'rude connotation' word, therefore any use of it is 'wrong' (will nobody think of the children?)?

    Bap: a soft breadcake, suitable for making a bacon butty with.

    Baps: more than one of the above.

    Nice Baps: well you wouldn't want nasty ones, would you? They wouldn't sell, even *with* bacon in them...

    FFS people, grow up! Or if it's too late for that, buy a dictionary...

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Anglo Saxon words are so unfashionable..

      Something to do with us once having a French king at some time or another.

      I say bollox to them,

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    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      @Neil

      Sorry:

      Bacon butty = made using bread.

      Bacon bap = made with soft bread roll.

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      1. jake Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        @AC15:48

        To paraphrase t'Bard: A bacon sarnie, by any other name ...

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  9. Graham Bartlett

    Alternatives

    "Good Firm Buns"

    Or perhaps "Well Toasted Buns" for the fetish crowd.

    Or of course "Toole Sandwich".

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Egad

    It's political correctness (sorry, social acceptability) gone mad.

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  11. Adrian Challinor
    WTF?

    oh for heavens sake

    If these people have nothing better to do I suggest that they read the OED

    Pronunciation:/bap/

    noun

    British

    1 a large, round, flattish bread roll , typically with a spongy texture and floury top.

    2 (baps) informal a woman's breasts.

    I the context of a baker, I think the meaning is obvious.

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    FFS!

    Of all the things they could get uptight about they choose this?

    The fact is that it's a shop that sells baps and they claim that they are nice. Anybody objecting to the name would surely have to have a dirty mind in the first place?

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    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
      Reply Icon

      Re: FFS!

      I think the dude knew what he was doing, somehow. And fair enough.

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  13. oldredlion
    Badgers

    hmmm

    A story about Nice Baps in Beds with O'Toole?

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  14. Toastan Buttar
    Happy

    Asda

    I did a double-take at Asda's "Big Eat Granary Baps". It looked far too close to "Big Fat Granny Baps".

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  15. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I dont get it.

    Sounds like a perfectly reasonable name for a bakery to me.

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    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
      Reply Icon

      Re: I dont get it.

      Yeah, there's one near me called The Crusty Loaf Fellatio Buggery. No one seems to give it a second glance, but that's London for you.

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      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        well...

        You say that Sarah, but there is a late night takeaway near me called Burger-y, does that count?

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      2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Headmaster

        @Sarah

        If fellatio and buggery were bread products, that might not have been a nonsequitur.

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        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
          Reply Icon

          Re: @Sarah

          It was a nonsequitur for comic effect.

          Sigh.

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          1. Anonymous Coward
            Reply Icon
            Anonymous Coward

            Is that

            One of those annual charity dos on TV? Red noses, or something?

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      3. Dangermouse
        Reply Icon
        Happy

        The Crusty Loaf Fellatio Buggery

        Is that the one on Cumming Street near Kings Cross?

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      4. Captain TickTock
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Crumbs...

        ... that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?

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    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Watch out for the IMB!

      Yes, the International Muffin* Brigade will probably have his name on a list!

      * the oven-bottom muffin is the term of choice for this doughy delicacy in some parts of the world and people are surprisingly sensitive to the correct us.

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    3. Sinical
      Reply Icon

      It could be worse

      My local Chinese Take Away is called the Rea Ming.

      And no, I am not joking.

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  16. Pete 2 Silver badge

    The pet shop next door ...

    Wouldn't happen to be called "Great Puppies" would it?

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  17. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Happy

    For heaven's sake!

    Stuff world hunger, poverty, revolutions in the Middle East, nothing raises the blood pressure of a NIMBY MIddle Englander than a little bit of smutty innuendo!

    I reckon there's something more to this story than is being presented.

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  18. Captain Underpants
    Badgers

    Nicely played, Mr O'Toole...

    ...frankly it's just a shame his name's not Timmy, for the full-on comedy double-whammy.

    I wonder whether the people objecting to the name realise that they've essentially given the business free marketing by complaining to the council? Probably not the effect they were hoping for, unless the whole thing's a stunt...

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    1. ElNumbre
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      TITLE MUST CONTAIN OBLIGATORY CUNNING STUNT JOKE.

      Paris because, well, her cunning stunt was filmed for the world to watch.

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  19. S Larti
    WTF?

    The Wrath of Middle England!!!

    Which consists of one stiff* letter to the council...

    * careful now!

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    1. Naughtyhorse
      Reply Icon

      down with this sort of t'ing

      thats all....

      NUNS!

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  20. Alex 0.1
    WTF?

    Uptight or what

    There's a burger van every day in a layby on a major road near here called "Angie's Big Baps" that's been running for years, so presumably not many people have objected to that. Maybe people round here can just take a joke.

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    1. It'sa Mea... Mario
      Reply Icon

      We had a 'Big Baps' sandwich shop in Bournemoth..

      ..only closed because f*sking Subway was allowed to open next door!

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  21. Velv
    Coat

    Business ventures

    At least he didn't go into the Ironmongery business.

    O'Toole's Knobs & Knockers

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    1. Cerbus
      Reply Icon
      Pint

      Title must contain at least one amusingly named shop

      There's a hardware store in Dublin called Knobs and Knockers, about five minutes walk from a cafe with the wonderful name of The Queen of Tarts

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  22. Tony Green
    Thumb Down

    Typical Daily Hate bullshit

    I bet nobody had even twigged until a reptile from that vile rag started asking if they found it offensive.

    I dread to think what they'd have made of a bakery in Rochdale where I once saw a sign in the window saying "Say it with bread. Give her a muffin".

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  23. MarkA

    Perfect Name

    To appeal to the (still) significant Air Force crowd, serving and retired, that are in that village and the surrounding area.

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  24. Paul 37
    Thumb Up

    Okkaay...

    A Google search for bakeries in Henlow sadly didn't show Nice Baps.

    http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=henlow+bakery#q=henlow+bakery&hl=en&prmd=ivnscm&source=univ&tbs=plcs:1&tbo=u&ei=bm6UTdCbE4eXhQfwmeDnCA&sa=X&oi=local_group&ct=more-results&resnum=1&ved=0CEoQtQMwAA&fp=5cbc1c678812025a

    However the first two are called Gunns and (wait for it)

    Rogers

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  25. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
    Happy

    Burger Me!

    That is all.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      Ok

      Here in the states, nobody seems to object to a burger chain calling themselves "In-n-out Burger", even despite most people's penchant for modifying the bumper stickers they give out to read "In-n-out Urge".

      Paris 'cause whenever I see her I get an urge for a... burger?

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      1. Fr Barry
        Reply Icon
        Paris Hilton

        A liverpool pub...

        called the cockwell In(n) http://tinyurl.com/3nhqrj9

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  26. Blake St. Claire

    John O'Toole?

    Is his wife's name Plenty?

    Thank you Ian Fleming and Albert Broccoli.

    I agree with the queen, he knew exactly what he was doing.

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