Gov targets boozers as Manc ID card scheme launches

What are the odds of that

Depending on the definition of 'Manchester' (bear with me), that's 1,300 people who want an ID card out of a population of or 450,000 (the city) or 2.25m (Greater Manchester). 2.9% or 0.6% respectively.

Just out of interest I wonder what percentage of the population are into self-flagellation, sado-masochism or sacrificing goats to the spirit of Tony Blair? I pick those activities purely at random, you understand.

Title

"saying that to get a passport, you first had to have a passport."

That's one hell of an obstacle!

Genius

"With research by the Identity and Passport Service showing that nearly ten per cent of passports are lost by young people on nights out"

Ooooook. So, firstly, why on earth were the IPS researching lost items on boozy nights out? B, why are people taking passports out with them when there are much easier ways to prove identity/age within our own borders and iii) is the ID card going to be somehow welded to us so it can't be dropped in the same way as a passport?

You're my best mate you are

Given that "nearly ten per cent of passports are lost by young people on nights out", I wonder how many of the bars in Manchester have readers to confirm that the ID card is both genuine and is being used by its owner.

Does iris recognition work after seven pints of strong lager?

It's the one with the pocket full of plastic cards - and the schizophrenia medication.

No clue minister?

I can state for certain that exactly zero percent of the Manchester student population carry their passport when going out for a drink. Many of them will carry their Students Union card, but none need a passport. Manchester pubs and clubs have no desire to exclude students for any other reason except poor fashion sense...

Research oppertunity

"With research by the Identity and Passport Service showing that nearly ten per cent of passports are lost by young people on nights out and tough legislation introduced this month to clamp down on underage drinking, it will be more important than ever for young people to have access to a universally accepted proof of age."

So how do I get funding to do research on how many ID cards are lost on nights out?

I'll give you a quick preview of my preliminary results: 10%

Reference

My mate works an manchester airport, and I'm down on the form as his reference (apparently, I'm 'professional').

Unfortunately, he got a bit confused, and filled half the form in as if he was me. Not sure what's going to happen now . . . maybe I'll be one of the first they come for when Mandelson decides to take over and make this mandatory?

This could be end of ID cards

History tells us that the social group most likely to find work-arounds to save money are...well...students (I can vouch for this when I worked for BT as virtually all phone hacks came from universities, and hence they were always the 'pilot' for new/improved secure mechanisms for phone systems).

By encouraging students to be in the trial the government may inadvertently provoked the student population to concentrate efforts on Fake IDs - and I expect them to succeed (as indeed the ID card has already been successfully faked elsewhere). And when this happens the IDea could once and for all be dead - here's hoping.

Beer - 'cos it will be over a few pints of this that the hacks will be created

Nice subtitle

"Gis yer face to get off your face innit"? :)

I'd have to be totally off my face to even consider it innit. Fortunately there's not enough beer in the Reg's icon to get me that way.

Translated for the hard of thinking:

"With research by the Identity and Passport Service showing that drinking is more important to young people than having an ID card, and tough legislation introduced this month to make it almost impossible for anyone under the age of thirty to buy a drink without ID, it will be more important than ever over the coming months for us to convince you this crock of shit is the solution to an imaginary problem we contrived for you."

Fixed.

PS: Reg, I like the new comment pages, but it's only a matter of time before it all gets blocked for loads of people because the URL begins with the word "forums". And hey I liked scrolling down through hundreds of comments keeping track of all the different conversation threads. Kept the brain ticking over, made me feel less like I was skiving.

stupid pointless waste of money etc

"It can be used by young people as a convenient and universal proof of age and as a credit-card sized alternative to the passport when travelling in Europe,"

Photo driving license does this as well, without the obscene intrusion into our private lives. If you're going to dream up a new Stalinist ID card, at least put some new bells and whistles on it to sell it to the idiot sheeple!

Fail because I'm hoping this scheme does

Ahh finally...

They admit it, you need to be drunk to get an ID card...

I can see it now, waking up in the morning, the obligatory traffic cone, kebab remnants stuck to your face and/or chest hair, clothes smelling vaguely of vomit, Susan Boyle in bed next to you and oh cfuk, how did that happen, noooooooo, a fucking ID card, I hope nobody saw me going home with that......

So "Big" Als got one

These politicians.

All the perks

Mortage on expenses

Free travel

and *now* no queue national ID card issuing (I rather doubt *such* a VIP could stand around for that nonsense. He's an important man, unlike us).

And now politicians have them the security will be airtight. I'm sure a government spokesperson said as much.

Mine's the one with a back issue of Elektor. The one with the extra long range RFID reader design in it.

something else we have to thank the Dutch for.

So he flashed the French

Were they just as unimpressed as everyone else?

Selling the card

My god, they must be desparate to sell these cards: "Request an application form to win a chance of being flashed by Alan Johnson". Still, at least it wasn't the previous Home Secretary.

I'm sure some people want them

What percentage of people asking for the cards are so they can either sell the cards to an underage friend that looks like them or are being bought so the fake ID guys get a head start on their next product?

What do points mean?

It's time the supermarkets were brought in to offer ID Cards.

We could get Tesco or Nectar points on the £30. We might even get 'loss leader' offers!

Or even 'Free ID Card with every purchase of 30 bottles of Stella'

Or Buy one ID Card and get one FREE!

They need all the help they can get.

Now that's what I call masochism!

"If you're in Manchester and you're subjecting yourself to the ID card process...."

That's even more perverted than going to Cornwall and dunking yourself in rotting cowshit. There ought to be a law against it - where's the Faily Wail when you need it?

I read the title as

Gov targets boozers as Maniac ID card scheme launches.

I can't help but feel I got it right.

Oh FFS....

'With research by the Identity and Passport Service showing that nearly ten per cent of passports are lost by young people on nights out'

You're just making this crap up now.

If it's true, why TF are we spending public money researching this sort of thing?

So we've moved from combating terrorism to stopping benefit fraud to sorting out the immigration problem to accessing services to travelling abroad without having your passport to being able to buy alcohol if you are under 25.....

The longer they continue, the bigger bunch of rsoles they look....

Mancunians - thankyou for allowing themselves to conrinue looking like twonks...

Hm

No student drinks anywhere you need to show much in the way of proof of age.

If they wont accept your student ID you go somewhere else, there are as many bars as there are students (pretty much) and plenty of places to go including the student union itself.

If the "research" is actually the answer to the question "why are you applying for a new passport" then of course they're going to say they lost it on a drunken night out, nobody is going to admit to selling it to their room mate / giving it a tout in exchange for tickets to see Morrissey.