damn missed
bloody terrorarsts!
It has emerged that a fanatical al-Qaeda suicide terrorist attempted to kill a Saudi interior minister last month by concealing a bomb up his bottom (the terrorist's, not the minister's). The strategy backfired, so to speak, as the bum-bomber's own body muffled the deadly arse-blast and his target escaped with only minor …
I can't be the only person who's seen those videos that involve the disappearance and eventual reappearance of an entire 24" double ended "adult toy." I'm sure it simply takes some practice.
Build one of those out of plastic explosive and bob used to be your uncle.
Er, how did the prince get an injury to his hand??? Buttock 'course - Pictures at 11.
Bu^Heggers belief.
Oh, and about timers, isn't there some chemical that would explode in the vicinity of methane? Fart-detonator! If so, all Bradford curry-shops would be being CCTV'd by the plod. Not that they aren't, honest.
The guy must have been inspired by Syriana - a fittingly stupid Hollywood movie. Unfortunately for him al-Qaeda obviously did not have enough money for a UCAV-launched Hellfire missile monitored via a satellite link so he had to shove the bomb up his **s* instead.
See? Movies are indeed dangerous.
At last! A great new way for AQ to raise funds by selling art. "Yes sir, its a brave piece from the non-existentialist school, a real one-off in the style of Marc Quinn but with quite a lot more blood, and as you can plainly see, the artist has really put everything into this work. Absolutely everything."
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This is no laughing matter - you are missing the evil genius at work here!
Rather than kill a few of us infidels they have realised that they can inconvenience millions of us in one fell swoop by coming up with the most crazy, hair-brained schemes they can.
Exploding shoes... Now we all have to take our shoes off at airports.
Exploding cans of soft drink... Now we can't take a drink or some hair gel in our hand luggage.
This latest one is absolute evil genius though as obviously to combat this latest threat they are going to have to systematically search all our arses at Heathrow every time we travel.. And as they would need a lot more than 100mls of lube to search the collective orifices of the passengers of the world busiest airport... They'll have to do it without even that. :(
Fortunately, it looks like AQ missed the better delivery system. Smugglers have for years been using condoms to smuggle contraband via ingestion. Stories abound of smugglers using mules to swallow several kilos of drugs and the Russians are said to have used condoms to smuggle vodka into the Gulags at three lites per mule! I'm not sure they'd be able to keep it down overnight like the AQ bomber seems to have, but(t) surely that would allow a large enough charge if utilised with a rectally-mounted primer/detonator? The main charge being in the stomach would also reduce the amount of muffling between the bomber and the target. "Point paunch at target, clench buttocks..."
Funniest article and comments ever. Bravo. Thanks to AQ for another Black Adderesque episode that gave us so many "jokes about ze breaking ov ze vind". While a sound rebuttal of Saudi tyranny, it was an overly literal take on assassination. Maybe they ought to employ a consultant or two. Maybe someone from Belfast this time, not a CIA mole.
For once an article I agree with you on Lewis.
Smart people for the most part, aren't even religious. Smart people, most certainly aren't terrorists. Smart people without question, aren't suicide bombers.
There's a descending level of idiocy you have to descend through to reach each of those stages, starting with believing in god (which you don't have to be too stupid for to be fair) through to believing everything a self-labelled agent of god (priest, sheikh or whatever) tells you, through to being willing to randomly kill civilians to make a point because no one listens to your point otherwise because it's fucking stupid, to ultimately being willing to take your own life to try and better make a point that again, no one was listening to because it was a fucking stupid point.
This is why I'm not that scared of them, because whilst yes, their idiocy can cause quite a lot of mayhem, ultimately idiocy has limits, and it has a habit of wiping itself out in the face of the more intelligent of society. This is illustrated each time we hear about failed suicide bombings that only blew up the bomber which seems to happen quite often (see Glasgow airport attacks for some example lol material). Ultimately I find it amusing that you would go through possibly 20 odd years off line, spend all that time learning, put all that effort into training yourself only to be told by someone that if you go and blow yourself up amongst a bunch of civilians you'll get to sleep with a billion virgins or whatever- but then, when you actually do it, you end up only throwing your life away, to much amusement to many around the globe and ridicule and laughter from those you were aiming to harm. What a way to go!
"Smart people for the most part, aren't even religious" Ye. Your whole theory fell apart there.
If we start thinking like that we will be in trouble. Just because some people make stupid mistakes doesn’t mean terrorist are all dumb. Don't forget at least one of the people involved in the spate of car bombings using gas canisters was a Doctor.
Perhaps we wouldn’t have so many problems if people stopped looking down on others with different views, rather than trying to change there views. This goes for both the religious and non-religious.
Anyway, If you were smart you might realise the basis of the problem is not down to religious views but tribalism.
You, Sir, owe me a new keyboard, hahaha.
Thanks Lewis - appreciate the humour about the pyrotechnic invasion of the rectal cavity, makes a change from the cranial one.
As for preventive solutions: easy. It's the same solution as used for a persistent cough: a strong laxative..
In both cases you wouldn't *dare* coughing..
/coat
Mine's the one with the wet wipes..